One Video Man (english version)
by Saturne
Summary: When Saitama starts his very own Youtube channel, he has no idea he's jumping into a pit full of snakes. [AU] [Saitama/Genos]
1. Chapter 1

**Author/Translator:** Saturne

 **Beta-reader:** CloudFactory

 **Disclaimer:** Everything's Murata's and ONE's property, I make no money by borrowing their stuff for funsies.

 **Summary** **:** When Saitama starts his very own Youtube channel, he has no idea he's jumping into a pit full of snakes.

 **Author's notes** **:** I've had this stupid Youtube AU idea for awhile and I had no intention to write a fic about it… but I told my BFF ( **Jackallh** ) about the OPM characters all having a Youtube channel and he was thrilled, so he gave me no choice but to do it. So here I am. Since I write first in french, then translate it myself into english, it's very time-consuming, so I'll keep the chapters short, and I'll update whenever I can.

Warning: in this AU, everyone is human. No monsters, no incredible strength, no powers.

One more thing! **You can leave comments just like if you were on Youtube** **and commenting the videos**. I might or might not use it (depending if it fits in the story) if the characters want to answer some comments… You can even leave questions for the characters, hate or troll comments for the videos if you want. :p

 **Enjoy!**

 **oOo**

 **Hoy – [28 minutes]**

Black screen. A few long minutes of silence and emptiness, and then an image eventually appears. A bald man in close-up. He's resting his cheek on his palm, looking bored to death.

The quality is bad, as bad as the framing is. This video is obviously filmed by a second zone webcam. The light reflecting on the smooth skin of the bald head is blurring the image.

Only his eyes move now and then, and he blinks every twenty seconds. It's easy to guess by the clicking sound of the keyboard and mouse that he's surfing on the Internet.

Several minutes go by that way, until the man yawns so widely the video records his glottis trembling in the back of his throat, and a tiny tear at the corner of his eye.

The scraping sound of a chair pulled back, and he gets up, moving away from what seems to be his desk. He disappears off-camera. The video is now recording just a piece of a room, badly framed. A pile of mangas is resting messily in a folded futon against a wall. There are magazines and an empty ramen cup on the low table. Some crumpled clothes lying around on the floor.

Indistinct sounds come from off-camera as the minutes pass by.

Finally, the man comes back and drops himself on his chair. He's got a cup of tea in his hand and wears a shirt with _shôyu_ written on it. He takes a first sip and comes closer to sit in front of his laptop, always with the same expressionless look.

He's taking his third sip and has been clicking on his mouse for three minutes already when his face changes slightly and he raises his eyebrows.

"Ah…"

His phlegmatic voice sounds strangely loud after more than twenty minutes of complete silence. He blinks and squints, a drop of sweat dripping from his brow.

"I didn't notice it was recording."

He puts back his cup on the desk and clears his throat, looking somewhat embarrassed.

"Well, now that it's on, I might as well start…"

A hand comes closer, hiding everything for a second. When it goes away, the framing is better and the light isn't blurring everything anymore. The bald man's features are clear, but his face is still neutral and emotionless as he waves feebly.

"Hi everyone. My name is Saitama. I'm 25 years old. I decided to start my own Youtube channel, just to try. I dunno, I thought it'd be fun, like a hobby or something."

He scratches his temple, obviously looking for something else to say. Then he shrugs.

"That's all. See ya."

He leans towards the laptop, his hand approaching, and the video stops.

 **The visit – [4 minutes]**

What looks like an egg in close-up appears and then moves away. It happens to be in fact the bald skull of Saitama who was a bit too close of the webcam.

"Hi y'all." he says in a flat tone.

The video moves and shakes. It seems that Saitama just picked up his laptop in his arms and is carrying it around. His bored looking face invades the screen, while everything moves behind him, like if he was turning around.

"I'm gonna show you around. Don't mind the mess, I've been too lazy to tidy up."

The video rotates, blurs and becomes jerky until it focuses on a television. It's on, but the sound is turned off.

"This is my tv. Good stuff."

It spins around once again, and now the webcam films a futon spread on the floor, and a blanket with a pattern of little pink hearts.

"This is where I sleep, eat, watch tv, play video games and stuff."

Moving around enough to give anyone seasickness, the video spins and stops to film a narrow kitchen.

"And this is my kitchen. There. It's my home. Ah wait, I've got a balcony too."

The image waves and then stabilizes on the sliding sash doors looking onto the balcony. It's sunny outside, and the light washes away the screen with intense bright white. Saitama walks outside, standing on the balcony. The light reduces progressively and the image becomes clear again when he puts down the laptop on the floor.

It's obvious now that he's wearing striped pajamas, as he crouches to pick up a cactus pot and holds it in front of the webcam.

"I won this cactus as a gift last time I bought a bunch of ramens on sale. It's kinda cool and it doesn't need too much care. I just have to give it water once every three months or so."

The webcam flickers when Saitama picks up his laptop and stands up. His face is hidden in shadows because of the back-lighting. Behind him, the sun shines bright in a blue sky.

"S'all for today. Imma take a nap now. Bye."

 **Space cop fury – reaction + review [1 hour 47 minutes]**

"Hi everyone."

Given the angle of filming – the webcam is showing a large part of the apartment – the laptop is probably on the desk, placed in a way so it would record the folded futon against the wall, the low table and the television. It's night time, judging by the darkness in the room and the closed curtains.

Squatting near the futon so he would be on the framing, Saitama vaguely waves.

"I've been thinking about what sort of videos I could make and what I should do with my channel. I kinda like watching movies, so maybe I could give my opinion or something, like a lot of youtubers do."

He puts out of his OPPAI hoodie's pocket a DVD with a title written on it with a pen. Illegally downloaded, it seems so.

"Tonight we're gonna watch together _Space cop fury_. I ain't seen it yet, so you'll get my true live reactions. And then I'll say what I thought of it."

Saitama turns towards the tv screen and puts the film in the DVD drive. Then he sits back against the futon, remote control in his hand.

"Let's start."

The television turns on, but with the webcam's angle and the video low quality, it's impossible to actually watch the movie with him. In the darkness of the room, the tv screen shines too bright, hiding the images. The sound and the music too are muffled.

Saitama watches the movie slouching against the futon. The flashes cast light on his blank face looking like an emotionless mask.

The whole video is like that. Almost two hours of Saitama changing position to lie lazily on the futon, picking his nose or scratching his belly. His face stays perfectly neutral for the whole movie.

When the end credits starts scrolling down, Saitama blinks at last and gets up to switch off the television. He takes good care of putting back the DVD in its case, then goes straight towards the webcam, bare feet on the floor.

He tilts the laptop's screen to face him when he sits on the chair.

"Well it wasn't too bad, I guess. The action's cool."

He lazily raises a hand to wave goodbye.

"That's all. I hope you liked it. See ya."

 **Thanks :) – [7 minutes]**

The video starts directly on Saitama's face. But this time, he's smiling a little bit. It's very subtle, but it brightens his eyes.

"Hi everyone. It's been awhile since I updated, but I just noticed there've been some views on my videos. Almost five for all. Well, I got two red thumbs and no comments, but you watched it nonetheless, so it makes me want to make more."

He rests his elbow on the desk, sipping his tea cup.

"And I won my very first subscriber: _DemonCyborg_. Thanks, dude."

He puts back his cup and bends, disappearing off-camera for a few seconds with rustling sounds of plastic. When he comes back on screen, he brings two heavy shopping bags on the desk.

"Today I'm gonna show you what I bought on sale. Everything was -75% at the Daily Market but I managed to lower down the prices even more with the coupons I collected from magazines and with my fidelity points. I paid 672 yens for it all, not a yen more."

His face back to being neutral, Saitama starts to show everything he bought: dishes, clothes, sandals and a lot of daikons. He explains for each article what was the original price and how much he actually paid for it.

Once he's done explaining, and still holding a daikon in his hand, he blinks and stares right at the webcam.

"If you liked that video, you can share it and leave a comment below if you want to make a suggestion or ask a question."

He waves goodbye with the vegetable.

"See ya."


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's notes** **:** Thank you guys for your nice comments! I'm happy you like my dumb AU idea! I picked some of the fake comments for Saitama and had a lot of fun making him react to those hehehe. Btw, Saitama's not the only one making videos in this chapter, so feel free to write comments to those characters as well if you want to!

And thanks to my beta-reader **CloudFactory** , she's very helpful and warns me when my sentences make no sense at all :D

 **Enjoy!**

 **oOo**

 **Reading your comments – [13 minutes]**

Blurred close-up on a bare collarbone. Saitama is trying to tilt the screen to frame the video. For once, he's not sitting at his desk. Given the angle and the partial view of a dirty plate, chopsticks and a pile of discount coupons, the laptop is on the coffee table.

When it's stabilized, the webcam focuses on a bare-chested Saitama chewing what seems to be his lunch. He swallows his mouthful and rests his elbows on the table, scratching his cheek. He looks a bit anxious.

"Erm. Hi guys. To be honest I kinda forgot I started a channel. But I just saw that I got comments on my last videos. I never thought I'd get some."

His features sharpen suddenly, and his eyes shine intensely. He takes a deep breath, straightens his back and cracks his knuckles. He's making a focused face, very different from his usual blank look.

"I haven't read any of it yet, but I'm gonna do it right now with y'all. Let's go! First comment ever!"

He moves slowly his hand to make it last, and clicks with one finger.

" _H_ _ey baldy_ _. Change_ _the quality of your video_ _._ _No one wants to see your fucking crap_."

As he's reading out loud this comment, Saitama's face smooths until it becomes neutral again. He blinks, staring at the bottom of his screen, then looks up.

"Ok. Next."

He clicks again and his eyes moves when he reads:

" _Did you c_ _hoose that hairstyle_ _because you're balding_ _?_ _"_

Frown. Saitama stares right into the webcam. His face is unreadable, but a vein is pulsing threateningly on his forehead.

"No. Next."

Saitama clicks and then narrow his eyes:

" _Are you bald because you_ _'_ _ve_ _got_ _cancer or did you shave_ _it_ _yourself?"_

Saitama stops, and his forehead hits loudly the table, so hard it makes the video shake and the chopsticks drop on the floor. For a second, the webcam only records the bald head at issue. The laptop is reflected in the smooth skin like a mirror. And when he looks up sharply, Saitama thumps furiously the table.

"Why are you all obsessing over my damn hair, for fuck's sake! YEAH I HAVE NO HAIR! So what?! What the fuck is your problem? Go fuck yourselves, you fucking baldies!"

His nostrils flaming and pulling an angry face, he points a threatening finger at the webcam:

"Next person who says anything about my hair, I'll make them eat their own. Next! Comment from _notgoodwithwords18_. Watch out what you're about to say!"

Saitama clicks angrily, looking murderous and ready to explode.

 _"_ _Hey! I was wondering what type of cactus you have it looks kind of like an elephant tooth._ _"_

Saitama's wrath fades away completely and he looks more friendly when he reads the rest of the comment:

" _Does the cactus have a name_ _?_ _"_

He looks away towards the balcony.

"Well… I dunno. It's just a cactus. I didn't give it a name and I've no idea what type it is. I'm just sort of trying to keep it alive by giving it water when it looks thirsty, that's all. Maybe you're right, I should give it a name and talk to it. Tell it about my day, or something. I heard it make plants happy."

He faces the laptop again with a candid smile.

"Hey, I have an idea: why don't y'all choose a name for it! Write down your suggestions in the comments below and I'll pick one!"

He folds up a leg, and his knee appears in the frame – it looks like he's only wearing his pajamas pants. He blinks and comes closer to the screen.

"Ah, another comment just came up for my last video."

He clears his throat and clicks. His eyes moves quickly to read, and then only he says out loud in a flat voice:

 _"_ _H_ _ey man, do something with your life. How old are you really? You can't just live on coupons_ _._ _Get a job_ _._ _"_

Saitama sighs loudly. He doesn't even look angry this time. More like tired.

"In fact I already have a job. Well… a part-time job. I started working three months ago in a combini, one day a week. I don't make a lot of money, but since the rent is cheap, usually I manage to have enough to eat if I'm being careful and only buy discount stuff."

Suddenly, Saitama looks weary. He's staring into space, as if he doesn't remember he's being filmed.

"My contract ends in a few days, by the way… Yeah, I guess I'll have to start looking for another job… Fuck it. Don't wanna."

Closing his eyes, he drops his forehead on his knee. His voice is now muffled – and people watching the video have no other choice but to turn up the volume:

"Why do we have to work to survive? I wish I didn't have to work in order to eat and watch movies or play video games. I wish… I wish… I dunno…"

He tilts slightly his head, and now we can see his face. He's staring dully at his feet.

"… to be honest I don't even know why I bother getting up from my bed in the morning. There are times when I wish it could all stop."

Two long minutes go by in silence until Saitama wakes up from his slumber. He stops the recording, his eyes empty.

* * *

 **Cooking tutorial – [13 minutes]**

The video starts with a static shot of Saitama wearing an expressionless face and a t-shirt with a fugly mouse drawn on it. He limply raises a hand and waves.

"One of you said I should do a cooking tutorial. So here I am. I'm gonna show you what I eat in the end of the month when I haven't bought groceries for a week."

He turns back to open the fridge. It looks like the laptop is perched on something high. The webcam films from high above a large part of the kitchen and Saitama's back. He's taking out some stuff from the fridge.

"Usually I'm more of a cup ramen guy since it's cheap and easy and it makes no dirty dishes." Saitama says flatly, facing the webcam again. "But today I'll make an effort for you."

He puts down half a not-so-fresh-anymore daikon near the hob, a small bag of beansprouts, and a long plastic tube with MISO written on it.

"This is all I've got left. It'll do."

He opens a drawer and takes out a knife, showing it to the webcam.

"First, we're gonna slice the daikon."

Looking down, Saitama does it silently. For nearly 57 long seconds, the sound of the knife is the only thing filling the silence as he's chopping the vegetable. Once he's done, he puts down the knife and looks up.

"Then, we can put it on a plate."

He reaches out and disappears off-camera for a couple seconds to come back with a plate. Now that the daikon slices are arranged, he opens the beansprouts bag with a plastic rustling.

"Yesterday was my last day working at the combini. I could take a bunch of beansprouts past their use-by date before they go to the trashcan. I've taken enough to eat for a week or more, so that's cool."

Looking bored to death, Saitama puts a handful of beansprouts on his plate. He raises a finger pompously as he takes out a little bottle almost empty.

"I've got a secret to make it more tasty. It's to add some soy sauce, and eat a miso soup too."

He pours a few drops sparingly, then points at a bowl as he takes the long plastic tube.

"There. Just put some miso paste in a bowl and try not to use too much, so you can save it for later. Then you boil water and pour it in the bowl. Easy."

Follows a long silent plan of Saitama taking a saucepan, disappearing off camera to pour tap water in it, then coming back to put it on the hob. As he holds the handle for the four long minutes it takes to the water to finally start boiling, he barely blinks or move. Unless you're paying close attention to the little details of the water simmering and then boiling, or the very subtle movement of Saitama's breathing, you could think that the video froze and your wifi connection failed you.

At last, movement: Saitama turns off the hob and takes the saucepan to pour hot water into the bowl. The thick miso paste dilutes. He puts the pan away and looks up at the webcam to gesture casually at his meal.

"And it's ready. Yummy."

* * *

 **Change of plans (LIVE Moscow) – [11 minutes]**

Vertical plan, obviously filmed by a cellphone. It moves quickly, recording the back seat of a car, a window with a landscape moving fast, then it focuses on the perfectly symmetrical face of a young man looking sternly into the camera. His blond hair brushes in locks his pierced ears and his crystal clear green eyes.

"Hello everyone. This is Genos, live from Moscow. I'm inside the taxi taking me to the airport."

Indeed, the taxi's engine is humming as a background sound along with the roaring of cars driving by just like waves crashing on the shore.

"I have an announcement to make, but I'll wait a bit to give everyone more time to join in. In the meantime you can ask questions if you want to."

His eyes are moving as he's reading the messages flooding the chat as fans join the livestream chat. A ray of sunshine is moving on his face, bathing him in a golden aura making him unbelievably beautiful. Genos starts reading and answering the messages with a serious face and monotonous voice:

"Yes, I enjoyed my stay in Moscow. I'll update the videos once they're edited as usual, be patient. I'm handsome, ok thanks. About Instagram? I'll put the photos as soon as I can. I'm so handsome. I have class. You missed me. I'm the number one hottest youtuber. I'm handsome, with five exclamation marks. I'm so handsome kyah, in capital letters. You keep repeating the same thing, you know. Go easy on the hearts and emoticons, I can't read anymore and it's going too fast. No, I won't marry you. You neither. None of you actually. Stop asking."

Genos frowns slightly and straightens his scarf around his neck.

"Stop, there's nothing else but declarations of love in the chat anymore. You're more than fifteen thousand online, it'll do. Now I can tell you what this live is about."

Sunshine shifts again on his face, shrinking his pupils and lightening the green in his eyes. At the window behind him, the landscape is moving. It's snowing outside.

"You voted for my next travels to be Himalaya, Mexico, New York, Paris and then London where I was supposed to meet my fans. But I just canceled all my flights and hotel bookings. I'm going back to Japan."

The taxi turns and stops in front of the airport while Genos is quickly reading the live reactions of his fans.

"No, my family is okay. I'm not sick nor wounded. Don't worry. It's just that I've been thinking a lot lately. I found a source of inspiration. It was a revelation, like I finally found my purpose in life and…"

He stops when the rear door opens and the taxi driver says something in russian. Genos answers back in a perfect russian and gets out of the car. The video flickers and tremble until it stabilize on a partial view of the young man's jaw and his pale lips – when he breathes, white steam rise in the air. We can see him give money to the taxi driver, then take on his back a huge rucksack. Genos frames the video right again and stares down at his phone. We can hear the crunching sound of his footsteps on the fresh snow. Snowflakes dance and perch on his artistically tousled blond hair.

"So, like I was just saying, I'm going back to Japan. I'll stay at my uncle Kuseno's until I figure out what to do with my world wide travels channel. I don't intend to travel anymore, so either I pick a whole new theme, either I just delete it."

The sky above his head becomes a ceiling bright with neon lighting – he's now inside the airport, it's obvious from the announcement messages in english, russian and chinese echoing all over the place, and the arrivals and departures board.

"I'll talk about it more in detail in my next video. I have to go check in and board now. See you soon."

* * *

 **Leaving for a job interview! – [3 minutes]**

The video starts with Saitama sitting on his desk chair, looking even more sleepy than usual. But instead of pajamas or jeans and t-shirt, today he's wearing a black suit and a tie. He doesn't look comfortable in this attire – and if you look closer when he sips his green tea, the sleeves are a bit too long on his wrists.

"Hoy." Saitama says flatly and then yawns, eyes barely open. "I told you my job contract at the combini hasn't be renewed. I spent hours yesterday looking for a new job, and I've got an interview this morning. At a company selling something, whatever, I don't remember what exactly. Meh."

He leans on his desk, head resting in his palm. Steam rises from his cup of tea and caresses his blank face.

"Job interviews are a pain in my ass. I dunno how to pretend I'm interested in working, and I never knew what to say and do, how to act like people expect me to. They always end up mad at me for whatever reason, I don't understand why. To be honest, I don't even really want to get this job. Why do I have to chose between having time or having money? It's just because I need money not to end up homeless that I need a job, or else I'd just stay home. I've no desire to get up every morning before sunrise and come back home late at night, when it's already peach black, and bore myself to death all day and be yelled at. That's the kind of job my dad does. He's a salaryman."

Looking gloomy, he looks down to straighten his black tie.

"By the way, that's his suit. I took it with me when I moved out from my parent's house seven years ago, and I wear it for all my job interviews."

He sighs loudly, downs his tea in one gulp and gets up reluctantly – the webcam now frames his whole body in the suit a bit too large for him.

"Well, I gotta go or I'll be late. Wish me good luck."

He bends to stop the video with a blank stare.

* * *

 **Good deeds n°396 and 397 – [8 minutes]**

"People often say I'm too idealistic…"

Fastened on a bike, the camera films the hands holding the handlebars, the front wheel and the sidewalk moving fast. The image shakes a bit when the bike stops at a red light. The male voice continues with passion:

"People say I should only care about myself and not use all my time and energy to help others… They say my idea of achieving ten thousand good deeds is just a waste of time…"

The light turns green just as a small old lady walks into the video frame with a grocery bag in her hand. Immediately, the bike is wedged on its stand and left behind by its owner. The camera records the young man rushing to the old woman to carry her bag and help her cross the street. The scene takes some time and the light turns red again, since the old lady walks very slowly and with tiny steps. The young man wearing a bike helmet shading his eyes is trying bravely to stop the cars, obviously ready to use his body to protect her if necessary.

Once the street is crossed, they disappear off camera and we can hear the old lady thank him very warmly with a quavering voice.

Then the bike moves as the hands come back on the handlebars.

"Like I said before, I'm absolutely convinced that humans are good by nature and that it's our duty to use our time on earth to make happy as many people as we can. This is why I started that Youtube channel. A small kind gesture can have a positive effect more important than you could imagine. You can save lives and make this world better by holding your hand out to somebody who needs it. Oh, look!"

He brakes suddenly, and the camera shows a little girl crying out loud in the sidewalk near a tree. We see him run straight to her, kneel to look her in the eye, and hand her a tissue with a kind smile. The child explains while sobbing that her balloon flew away and is now stuck in the tree's branches. Indeed, a pink balloon is floating in the air, and its string is stuck in a branch. And it's about to break free and fly away at the first puff of wind.

He reassures the little girl by ruffling her hair affectionately, then starts to climb up the tree.

As he's climbing and the child is cheering him, the camera randomly records Saitama wearing his suit and walking the sidewalk. Sagging shoulders and eyes empty, he looks utterly dejected – he walks slowly near the bike rider and the little girl without seeing them. Dragging his feet, he disappears off camera.

The young man catches the balloon just when it was about to fly away, and falls back on the ground. He gives it to the delighted child. She gives him a moist kiss on the cheek to thank him. He comes back to his bike and bends to invade the frame with his smiling face.

"My Good Deeds round is over for today! This was Mumen Rider, at your service! See you soon for the weekly _Happy_ point when I'll give you some advices to find happiness by making others your priority! Don't hesitate to share on social networks and ask questions! Bye bye!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's notes** **:** I know, it's been a while since I've last updated! Don't worry, I didn't forget about this story. I was busy completing my longest fic, so it was a very emotional moment for me. Anyway, now I'm back. Thank you all for your reviews and patience! I'm sorry I made you wait. I have several WIPs and something like a billion ideas running through my brain and not enough free time to write them all like I wish I could.

EddingsFan: Thank you so much! I'm glad you like the idea! Well, I'm not sure how long exactly this fic will be, but I want to keep it short. Maybe 15 or 20 chapters. I'm trying to stop writing long series, it takes way too much time and energy…

Chemicalpanicboy: Sorry for the delay! Your youtube comment is in the chapter, I hope you'll like it. :p (and thank you, it warms my heart!)

Guest: Thank you for your kind comment! I enjoy trying different ideas, themes and writing styles for each of my fanfictions, and this one is kinda fun to write ^^ Saitama's depression is something I find very interesting (and heart breaking) and I like to explore it. I don't know if you've read my other opm fanfic, but it was the main theme. Haha as for Genos moving in with Saitama… Well, this is an AU, so things are going to be a little bit different… Wait and see :p

(I hope I didn't forget anyone! It's chaos in my mail box)

 **Enjoy!**

 **oOo**

 **Reading your comments 2 – [1 hour 4 minutes]**

Sounds of rustling. The image moves until it stops on Saitama. He's in the dark, a bit blurred. It's obviously night time and lights are off. The screen's glow shed pale colors on his face. His body is laying down on the futon and he's covered by his blanket patterned with hearts.

"Hi guys."

Saitama waves hello.

"I can't sleep and I'm bored, so I might as well make a video to read your comments. There's plenty, and I even got some new subscribers. That's pretty cool. Welcome to my channel."

With a neutral face, he looks down at his keyboard and clicks on the touchpad.

"For the trolls sending me links to win easy money or asking me to subscribe to their channel, don't bother. M'not interested. Now let's move on to the real comments. I'm discovering them right now with you."

His eyes read on his screen.

 _"Si me… alimento…"_

Saitama squints and moves closer to the screen, frowning.

 _"con solo… cupones_? Is that how you're supposed to pronounce? Or cooponss? _Quedare… calvo como… usted?"_

He scratches his head, looking embarrassed.

"Erm, I don't speak spanish… I took english like everyone in highschool. I've no idea what you're saying, but thanks, I guess. Same thing for that russian comment, by the way. It's cool to have viewers world wide."

Saitama grabs his pillow and puts it under his chin in order to look at the screen without having to be on his elbows.

"Thanks to 321countdown-time, Angelzour_768 and everyone who wished me good luck for my job interview. Unfortunately…"

He looks down, sighing.

"… I screwed up. They said I didn't look motivated enough, that I didn't fit the profile, something like that. I tried my best though. I even rewrote my resume and stuff. So, there, I'm still unemployed, what a pain in my ass. And no, Angelzour_768, I've got no one to talk to except y'all. By the way thanks to Gimmemuny for worrying, but I'm okay. Ah… somebody's said in a comment that they saw me on a Mumen Rider's video…"

Saitama blinks, his face lighting up with a childlike smile.

"For real? I can be seen on one of the most famous youtuber's video? Classy. I'll have to watch it. I like his channel, it's kinda nice what he's doing. Hey! Would you be interested if I made a video of my Top 10 of the best youtubers? I've seen a lot of youtubers doing Top 10's of pretty much everything. Looks like people dig it."

Touchpad's click.

"Some of you wrote ideas for my cactus's name. Wait, I'll read out loud some of those comments: _Maybe you could name your cactus after something you like, so you can remind yourself of it every time you water it. Sorry if it sounds silly, but maybe it could make you feel happy_ _._ Thanks for the comment, dude. Mh… Something I like, uh?"

Saitama frowns, thinking hard. Then he gives up, his face going back to neutral.

"Well… Now that I think about it… I don't like anything in particular. I mean, I like mangas, movies, video games and watching videos on Youtube, but that's more to avoid being bored than a real passion. No, there's nothing I like."

A rustling of blanket, the video blurs, and we can see Saitama getting up from his futon. His bare feet appear, and then walk off screen. The webcam records the empty futon and the blanket patterned with hearts for a while, and some sounds in the background indicate Saitama's opening the sash door to the balcony.

Muffled footsteps, and Saitama lays down on his futon again, facing his laptop. But this time, he's holding the cactus's small pot in his hand.

"I gotta find it a name, come on… I hope the other comment has an idea. Okay, I'm reading it: _For the name of the cactus, I suggest something simple and blunt, like "Spike," or maybe something cutesy, like "Prickles"_ _._ Smiley sticking out tongue. Spike or Prickles, mh?"

He stares at the cactus.

"Let's go for Spike."

He puts down the pot on the futon next to his pillow.

"Thanks to those who encourage me by telling me I should invest in better equipment, it's nice of you to try to help, but… this Youtube channel is a hobby. It's just for fun, I don't wanna bother with montage and I don't have money to invest. I use it all in rent, electricity and food. Ah, Salesgoddess241 asked if I have some tips to save money and make good deals. Okay, so here is how I'm doing: I illegally download all my video games and movies, and I use my neighbor's unprotected wifi. The signal is weak, but at least I don't have to pay. I pick up my mangas and the Shonen Weekly near combinis, people always leave it there when they're done reading. As for the food, the secret is to always take the discount cards, catalogs and coupons of each store, and establish a planning of sales days. I always carry discount coupons whenever I go outside. _Always_."  
Saitama's enthusiasm disappears and his face goes blank. He suddenly looks like a bored egg.

"Now, the haters. I was keeping you guys for the end. Answering 'Annoyed' who told me to go kill myself: nope. I won't."

He doesn't look particularly affected. He yawns and then reads the next comments:

"Lovemoist347 says: _dude, stop being pathetic and get out of youtube, get a job_ _._ Well yeah, I'm trying. I look for a job every day, but there's nothing. They tell me they're gonna call back, and they don't. SuperMom44 thinks I'm a fake 'cause I got enough money for a laptop and not for food."

Saitama blinks and looks straight at the webcam. The screen's glow deepens the shadows on his face, making it look gloomy.

"Hey, SuperMom44, why do you think the video's quality is shit? I've got the same laptop since highschool, almost ten years now. I can't afford buying a new one. Because I need to eat."

He looks down at the bottom of the screen, clicking the touchpad.

"Codisl1f3 says: _lame_. Whatever, dude. Nobody's forcing you to watch. If you've nothing else to do, you've got way too much free time. Bringbackthe90's asked when my videos will finally become interesting."

Saitama shrugs and leans his cheek on the pillow, his eyelids becoming heavy.

"Dunno. I think my videos are interesting enough. I don't understand why I don't have more subscribers and likes, by the way."

He stares at the screen, looking more and more sleepy.

"More people complaining about montage… Meh, as long as y'all understand what I'm saying, who cares about montage. And like you said, dude, there's always fast forward… I don't need to bother with…"

His eyes shut down and his breathing becomes deeper. The rest of the video is just a close-up recording of Saitama sleeping soundly with his mouth wide open, face to face with Spike the cactus, until the laptop's batteries run out.

 **Livestream rerun of Black Spirit 3 – PART 6 – [1 hour 46 minutes]**

The channel's opening starts with an epic song. Letters made of fire pop up in front of a blue and golden background with special effects:

 _ **-HE NEVER FAILS-**_

 _ **-HE NEVER LOSES-**_

 _ **-TRY TO CHALLENGE HIM-**_

 _ **-THE VIDEO GAMES KING-**_

The opening ends with an explosion, and now the video's showing the game Black Spirit 3 on pause. We can see the main character, a woman clothed in a stylized armor with velvet parts and a long black cape. She's frozen in the middle of jumping, and wields a Victorian period's kind of firearm, as well as a scepter she's spinning around.

King's face appears in the left corner on top of the screen. He's wearing an audio headset on his ears and he's staring stoically at the camera.

"This is King and welcome back to Dark Spirit 3, the game you challenged me to play this week. I remind you I'm playing in realist set up, meaning if I get hit, even just a tiny punch, it's over, I'm dead. But I won't get hit, you know me."

He turns his eyes to a second computer screen. He's obviously very well equipped: he's got a microphone under his chin, his seat looks very comfortable and the video's and sound's quality is excellent. The wall behind him is obviously soundproof.

"I see people gambling in the chat and wondering which game will finally make me fail or at least be challenging to me."

He smirks.

"In your dreams, noobs. I'm unbeatable in video games. By the way, hello to my subscribers and viewers, hello to Saitama, Charanko and MetalBat always loyal! Now we can start playing again. We were on the quest for the fire artefact. Our king sent us undercover to infiltrate the enemy's army. If you remember, we stopped the livestream yesterday night just when the submarine was sinking and the sea ghouls came through the portholes. Come on, let's go."

The image comes to life and shows the heroine beheading a ghoul with a battle cry and shooting a bullet through another enemy's head. The lights flicker as the submarine's alarm blares, which makes the fight even more difficult. King doesn't seem to worry though, he's making his heroine wade through the water rushing inside through the shattered portholes. The level of water is raising up at an alarming rate.

 _«_ _Critical situation_ _–_ _Red alert activated_ _–_ _Immediate evacuation of the crew_ _– Autodestruction_ _in_ _4 minutes… »_ The robot voice resonates in the submarine. The heroine reloads her firearm while dozens of ghouls arise from the water with viscous sounds.

"Four minutes? Okay there's plenty of time left. Easy peasy."

King makes the heroine jump and twirl around to behead two ghouls with a magic blast bursting out from her spear. She catches hold of some furniture as everything's starting to overturn.

"And of course, the submarine's sinking head first so we have some climbing to do" King says as he jumps on a ghoul's head, using it like a springboard to reach the door. "There, we're safe for now. All we have to do now is finding the artefact and a diving suit to get the hell out of here."

On the way, King kills off a dozen enemy guards by combining a bullet with a magic blast, and picks up the dead men's ammo. He glances at the chat on the second screen as he's climbing away from the quickly going up water and avoiding being crushed to death my tons of metal because the submarine's been gutted by some kind of giant sea monster and is crumbling on itself.

"Saitama says he died three times here. Charanko, seven times. What about you, MetalBat? Ah, four times? So that's the level ending's boss? I think it's really easy for now, I'm disappointed. I saw a shadow through the portholes earlier, I knew it had to be one of those hybrid chimera created by the evil empress attacking the submarine."

He uses his magic as a shield to protect himself from the tsunami of ghouls the chimera just puked at him. King has no problem reading the chat while climbing the submarine's upside down rooms the monster is tearing apart with it's jaws and venomous tentacles.

"Yeah don't worry, I plan to make some live coop again, and those challenges where I play against subscribers one by one at fighting games."

The heroine's black cape is flowing in the air when King rushes into the captain's cabin. He grabs the captain and throws him right into the monster's open jaws. What's left of the submarine sinks just when the heroine puts on the diving suit – it's both modern and ancient stylized. Then there's a fight underwater as the submarine's parts sinks slowly. King is using his spear to push away the ghouls and attack the chimera in those rare moments when it's vulnerable after puking ghouls. The oxygen's bar is already alarmingly low.

"The graphics are gorgeous" King comments while forcing the monster's jaws to stay open by wedging them with his spear. "I know where the artefact is. The captain never had it in the first place, it has to be the artefact animating this chimera. If you look closer, it's not even alive. It's just a ship concealed as a monster. Not to mention the fire artefact is the only thing able to create this kind of ghouls, we saw it in the beginning of the game."

No hesitation, the heroine dives right into the open mouth. Indeed, there are no stomach, no guts, nothing organic. It's only metal and cables. And the artefact is shining bright like a thousand suns.

She reaches out and…

"Ah. Cinematic."

A massive energy blows up, and the heroine has just enough time to protect herself by creating a magic shield. When she opens her eyes, she's curled up in a ball on the ground, with no weapons and no diving suit. She doesn't even have her helmet and armor anymore. Only a short velvet dress and her cape. Her long blond hair waves on her shoulders when she stands up in a surreal landscape: she's on the sea floor, but it's dry under her feet. She looks around and sees that a gigantic air bubble is pushing away the water miles around. When she looks up, she can see her planet's three suns shining through a thick layer of water.

"Look at those details and colors. They did a great job. The water's super realist and we can see each one of her eyelashes and hair."

A voice calls out the heroine's name. A dark figure is levitating and radiating with an evil halo.

"The evil empress!" King smiles. "She's the one who's got the artefact. She's the real level ending's boss. I knew the chimera was too weak to be a boss."

The evil empress is in a black armor and her face is hidden by a terrifying mask. She's wearing the fire artefact as a necklace. She's making the typical evil speech to announce the heroine's coming death.

The cinematic ends, and King starts running to dodge the first attack, so powerful it forms a huge impact crater on the ground.

"Okay, so I've got no weapon, no armor, my life bar is at it's lowest. Let's find something to defend myself in the ship wreck over there. The evil empress makes a 3 seconds pause between her attacks, it's enough."

The heroine makes a forward roll, runs to the ship wreck, and avoids the ghouls trying to surround her. Indeed, King finds some weapons in the wreck, but with not enough ammo to afford missing his shot.

King glances to the chat as he jumps away from the wreck at the exact moment the evil empress throws a giant fireball to explode it. The landscape now looks like they're in hell: the heroine's surrounded by flames, lava and ghouls running after her. The evil empress is sending dark soundwaves that destroy everything they touch.

"Mh. Saitama and MetalBat dare me to put her down with just a bullet, and without magic. I like your spirit, guys. I accept the challenge."

With a poker face, King somersaults to dodge the dark waves, the flames, the ghouls and the explosions. Once he's close enough, he manages to attack the level ending's boss by shooting on her weak spot. One bullet, no magic.

"And it's done. Easy."

The evil empress lets out a cry of pain, and another cinematic begins. The heroine yanks the fire artefact from her neck, and the enemy's mask crumbles in ashes, revealing her face. And her face is the same as the heroine's. They look exactly the same.

King holds his breath as the dialogue and flash backs reveal that the evil empress is in fact the heroine's twin sister. She had been taken from their family after her birth, and the enemy kingdom owns her soul and can manipulate her, make her do things, like a puppet.

When she begs for the heroine's forgiveness and dies in her arms, King's chin starts to quiver. A tear falls from his eye and runs down his gashed cheek. There's a sad music and the sea water dome breaks in slow motion. Tons of water crash down on them.

Next scene, the heroine's burying her sister and promises out loud she'll avenge her. The howling wind is making her cape flap and the level ends on her determined eyes as she rides her horse to the horizon.

"She is so brave, so strong, so tragic…" King sniffs loudly.

Face twitching with emotion, he blows his nose, wipes his tears and puts the game on pause.

"Let's stop here for tonight. The poor girl just killed her twin sister, and the evil empress was just a puppet the whole time, forced to do all this awful things and kill innocent people. I need some time to recover from this. This level broke my heart."

He closes his fist, looking angry and threatening.

"We'll continue tomorrow night. I'll find whoever did this to my twin sister and made me kill her. I'll skin the bastard alive, mark my words. Charanko says in the chat that I'm half way through the game, so we're not over yet. See you tomorrow!"

End credits start with hard rock, showing some extracts of King destroying huge monsters on different games.

 **Dark Room – review – [3 minutes 5 seconds]**

A hand in close-up tilts the screen in the right position, then withdraws. The video is framing Saitama who is lying down on the side, just wearing his pajama pants. The day light is flooding the room and the temperature is obviously high, judging by the sweat dripping from his naked chest. His abs and biceps are just slightly outlined under the skin. The sun's reflected on his bald head like in a mirror.

"Hello everyone."

He waves with his ice cream.

"Today's video will be short. The heat wave's making my laptop crash all the time. But I'd like to introduce you to a new manga published in Shonen Weekly."

The magazine is open on the floor. He turns a few pages, licking his ice cream – it's white, probably vanilla.

"It's just the first chapter, but I think it's not bad for now. Look. The drawings are pretty cool."

He picks up the magazine and holds it in front of the webcam. The image is blurry and all we can see is some ink blotches. Saitama puts it down and sucks at the tip of his ice cream.

"It's called _Dark Room_. It's about a highschool student who finds an old camera in his attic, so he joins the highschool's photo club."

A white drop glides along his lips, and he licks it back with the tip of his tongue as he turns the page.

"He takes a picture of one of his classmates, and when he develops it in the dark room…"

The ice cream is starting to melt, so Saitama licks it from bottom to top so it won't drip on his fingers.

"… instead of showing what he photographed, the picture shows the classmate dying."

He holds the magazine in front of the webcam one more time, but it's still blurred.

"And this chapter ends when he finds out the classmate dies the day after, exactly like shown on the picture."

He puts down the Shonen Weekly. His face is blank.

"That's it. I think the story's cool, and I can't wait to see what happens next."

He licks his ice cream again, looking thoughtful.

"In his place, I'd just put back the camera in the attic and never touch it again. I never take pictures anyway. What about you? What would you do? Tell me in the comments below."

He waves goodbye, and the video stops.

 **Kimi no HEART – Amai Mask (OFFICIAL CLIP) – [2 minutes 37 seconds]**

It begins with the rustle of waves rolling on the sand. The video lightens, showing a beach in the rising sun. A young man is standing there against the light, forming a halo around him, facing the blue ocean. The wind is making his shirt and his long blue hair swish.

The video camera changes the angle, turning around him as a sad piano and violin music starts playing. We now see Amai Mask in profile. He's staring far away on the horizon.

He's got fine features and his green eyes shine with a tragic glimmer. His open shirt is flapping in the wind, revealing his hairless chest and delicate muscles.

He's holding a rose against his heart.

 _Haruka na ai no omoide_

 _Ima made mo natsukashii_

Walking on the sand, Amai Mask sings in a voice electronically modified to create echoes. Close-up on his face as he brings the rose's petals to his lips, looking dramatic and in suffering.

 _Mai asa me wo sameru to_

 _Kimi no hohoemi wasurerarenai_

Echoes of his voice murmur bits of sentences in english like: _I love you_ and _Why did you leave me_. Music grows louder and more dramatic when he throws the rose in the ocean in slow motion. The setting changes. He's now standing with his arms widely spread next to a cliff and the camera's spinning around him. The chorus explodes with cherry blossoms whirling around the handsome singer who sings his pain of having lost his love.

 _Kimi no HEART !_

 _FOREVER aishiteru_

 _Kimi no HEART !_

 _Akiramenaide MY LOVE_

Music gets quiet again, and we see Amai Mask riding a white horse, his shirt still open on his naked chest, and blue hair in the wind.

 _Me wo samenaide kure_

 _Kinou mo ashita mo eien ni_

He's not on a horse anymore, but he's playing violin on top of a mountain covered in snow. A single tear in running down his perfectly smooth cheek.

 _Boku no yume ni isshou ni iru_

 _Namida ga umi ni nagarete_

Rhythm gets forceful again for the refrain. And this time, Amai Mask is back on the beach, playing on a grand piano with the setting sun in the background. He's singing with dramatic intensity, tears rolling down his face.

 _Kimi no HEART !_

 _FOREVER aishiteru_

 _Kimi no HEART !_

 _Akiramenaide MY LOVE_

Music fades away. The young man stands up and closes the piano's lid. He walks towards the ocean painted in red by the setting sun.

"Ai shiteru, my love…" Amai Mask murmurs with his hand on his heart. "Kimi no heart… Forever…"

Waves roll on the sand and crash into his feet as he walks into the sea, walking until he disappears into the water.

The video camera comes down to frame in close-up the rose left on the sand.

 **oOo**

 ** _Si me alimento con solo cupones quedare calvo como usted?_ ** means in english _ **Will I become bald like you if I only get my food with coupons?**_

 **[NdA : The hate comment from « Annoyed » was in fact a review I got myself on ao3. First time ever someone tells me to go kill myself. Well then. I thought I might as well use it for this fanfic, so it won't be totally pointless! Like I would say in french, ça me glisse dessus comme de l'eau sur les plumes d'un canard.]**

 **[Edit November 5th: I know I haven't updated in a while, but don't worry, it's not abandoned! It's just that I'm a slow author with too many WIPs and a tiring job, and I'm leaving to travel for a month, soooo... Next chapter will be updated in december! So sorry to keep you waiting! But heh, that's the risk with WIPs, right? ^^']**


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's notes** **:** Oh well, I guess I'm not really good at dead-lines. I should know better than announcing an update when I know real life keeps getting in the way. I'm sorry for being late for this chapter, guys. I updated the french version a while ago, but lately I'm so exhausted and sleep-deprived, translating into english was hell for my brain. I hope the translation is understandable enough though. Do tell me if I made typos or if something doesn't make sense at all, or if you want to help me improve my english.

Thank you **DuSH** for your nice review! :D

For the **Guest** who asked if I'm both the writer and translator, yup, I am indeed! I'm doing my best, but translating into another language is quite the challenge and way harder than I thought, even though I write the french fanfic in a simple style and short sentences, knowing I'll have to translate it later in english. As for Saitama, I think there is actually a thing he already is very good and that no one notices: he's extremely very good at handling hate and criticism. Less impressive than his strenght in the anime, yeah, but still impressive! Thanks for reviewing!

 **Enjoy!**

 **oOo**

 **Piano sonata by my little sister – [7 minutes 4 seconds]**

The camera is shaking a bit, then settles on a little girl. She's standing there with a frown, smoothing the folds on her dress. A hair clip is keeping her bangs away from her forehead.

"Go on, sis, I'm shooting!"

The little girl looks up sharply at the camera and raises her chin, looking fierce:

"Hi, my name is Zenko and I'm Metal Bat's sister. I've been learning piano for two years, and today I'll play Beethoven's _Moonlight sonata_ for you."

She seems to hesitate a moment, and pouts.

"Was it okay, big brother? Or should I start again?"

A thumb up appears a bit blurry in the foreground.

"No, you were perfect! Perfect!"

The girl doesn't seem convinced, but she shrugs and turns on her heels, stepping off-camera for a few seconds. The camera follows her steps, standing way higher than her – it seems that the person holding the camera is twice as tall as her. A piano set against a wall appears, and Zenko bends over the stool where a white cat is napping.

"Tama!" Zenko scolds with her reedy voice, before lifting in her arms the heavy looking cat. "Get off from here, you big loaf, I need the stool to play!"

The sleepy cat answers with a surly meow and falls on it's paws, the tip of it's tail moving unhappily. The camera comes down, meaning Metal Bat is probably kneeling. A hand appears to pet the cat while Zenko sits on the stool and lifts the piano's lid.

The piano is adapted to her size. Even though she looks like she's 9 years old, the tip of her patent shoes reaches easily the pedals. She places her hands on the white and black keys and takes a deep breath to focus, while the camera moves around to pick the best angle.

"Go on, Zenko! Don't forget, you're the best! You're gonna rock it!"

The little girl nods determinedly, and starts playing the slow and sad rhythm of the sonata. For the whole piece, namely six minutes, the camera doesn't move at all. The fingers flying on the piano and the white cat curling at the girl's feet for a nap are the only things moving. Zenko hesitates once or twice over a few notes, biting her lip, but she makes no mistake.

She plays the last notes, her foot pushing on the pedal to make them resound for a long moment. Then she turns on her stool towards the camera, looking triumphant.

"There! That's the piece I will play at my recital at the end of the year! I hope you liked it!"

The video blurs and shakes – it looks like Metal Bat put the camera down on a table, because the image is badly centered – and we see him rushing to his sister for a hug. Tears are running down his face and his chin is wobbling.

"It was _beautiful_ , lil' sis! It moved me to tears! You made a lot of progress, I'm so proud of you!"

"Heeey, big brother, stop!" the little girl protests against the forced hug. "Don't cling on me in front of everyone on the Internet!"

The cat stirs and yawns, then disappears off-camera when Metal Bat's hand comes in close-up to pick up the camera. His face appears in a low-angle shot, and his expression has changed radically. His lip is curled up in a sneer and shadows make him look even more threatening.

"This is the first time my little sister plays in front of an audience, so like the video and leave up nice comments to encourage her. And watch out what you're saying. The first asshole I catch leaving a bad comment…"

He glares and his face distorts even more as the camera's angle shifts, showing a metal bat resting on his shoulder.

"… I find him and I _BEAT HIS FUCKING FACE OFF_. Got it?"

The camera turns one last time to Zenko who's waving goodbye with a shy smile:

"Bye!"

 **My ranking of Youtubers – [22 minutes 47 seconds]**

Earth appears, slowly rotating in space. Little lonely dot in the distance.

"Humanity."

A woman's voice, very solemn.

"We've always tried to communicate and share our emotions and experiences with our own kind. This is typical of our species."

Slow zoom on the planet becoming more and more detailed. White clouds swirl on the oceans' blue shade. 3D satellites appear suddenly in the foreground, looking so real it's impressive. The video's editing and animation are high quality, very professional.

"We're living today in the golden age of information and creativity, when everything is possible. Human beings have never been more connected, thanks to the Internet."

As Earth invades the video's frame, we realize the whole image is composed of moving pixels.

"And one of those technological platforms helping us to assemble at the world level, is Youtube."

It's still zooming on Asia, more precisely Japan. Pixels are getting bigger. The video is actually made of tiny moving pictures in a mosaic. Videos of Youtubers, to be more specific. Anyone knowing Youtube well enough could squint, hit the pause button, and easily recognize every single one of them. All the popular Youtubers are represented.

"Everyone knows the great website. Yes, but what should we think about it? How are we supposed to find our way around it? Who are those people becoming famous all around the world, just with a camera, talent and dedication?"

It keeps zooming, until there is only one video left, invading the frame. We can see a woman, with green gleam in her dark hair. She is beautiful, there is no denying it, and her eyes are so intense it seems like she's staring right into your soul. She's standing in front of a white background, arms crossed under her huge breast.

"In order to help visualize the present landscape of Youtube, I made a ranking system using subscribers' number and popularity. I won't be doing a Top 10 though. Many others have done it better than I could."

With an elegant hand gesture, she spreads lots of tiny videos in front of her like if it was a deck of cards – obviously it has been edited to look like magic. Those videos are those of Youtubers who recently did a Top 10 on this subject. They all move and show a mute extract, and the viewers can click on it to access.

"No. I'll show you a schematic system composed by several ranks, and you'll see there is a logic."

She snaps her fingers, and the tiny videos vanish. The camera moves aside to free some space on her left. As she speaks, a pyramid appears there, divided in four parts:

"So, here are the Youtube's celebrities in a pyramidal hierarchy. At the bottom is the C-rank, it's basically the vast majority of anonymous Youtubers. Then comes the B-rank of well-known Youtubers, this is where I'm ranked. Next, there is A-rank, high-quality Youtubers who make a living out of it and are well-paid. And finally, right at the top, is what I like to call the S-rank."

A smile spreads on her red-painted lips, while the tiny triangle on top of the pyramid detach itself and comes to perch on her hand like a bird.

"Why S, you'd want to ask? S for Special. S for Superior. S for Star! This category of Youtubers is quite recent, just like their sudden rise of popularity. S-rank Youtubers have dozens of millions of subscribers, and they're famous to the point of being paid as much as black buster's actors, or managing directors of corporations. At their level, their success is certain whatever they do, because their fans are ready to defend them and follow them anywhere."

The triangle explodes in a dozen of tiny videos, and she picks one of them. Then stretch it out, spreading her arms to make the video bigger. It shows a sequence of extracts – a young man looking like a delinquent, always carrying a metal bat on his shoulder. We see him smile, sneer, talk, smash something with his bat, chat with another person, pet a fluffy kitten.

"Metal Bat is a prime example of an unknown Youtuber who became famous and was catapulted on top in a matter of months. This high-school student doing poorly in school used to film his fights against rival gangs in his neighborhood, or himself smashing stuff with his bat to show it in slow motion. And _this_ is the video that made him popular and famous."

She points at the extract. We can see Metal Bat vlogging while he's walking down the street. It's raining. He suddenly stops talking as he notices a cardboard box left on the sidewalk. He rushes towards it and carefully picks up a white half-dead kitten lying inside the box. He holds it tight against his chest, begging it to live, and then starts running.

"Kittens are very popular on Youtube, as you know! With this video in which he saves this kitten from death by rushing to a vet and threatening him with his bat to open the door in the middle of the night, Metal Bat became famous. In two weeks only he won hundreds of thousands of new subscribers who wanted to know how was the kitten doing."

Wry smile, and the extract disappears.

"Spoiler alert, the kitten survived. Metal Bat adopted it, it's now a full adult cat named Tama. One could think his popularity would fall back with time, but on the contrary people grew fond of the cat and of Metal Bat too, for his personality, his family and his everyday life."

The tiny videos keep orbiting around her, and she picks another one. It looks so real when she swirls it with her fingers, we almost forget it's edited.

"Another thing popular on Youtube are the Let's Play channels, with the Youtuber filming themself playing video games. There are plenty of those. But their king is unquestionably King, the one and only gamer to have risen right on top in S-rank."

The video shows some mute extracts of King and his scarred face – he's playing all sorts of video games, and he never looses.

"His channel is very productive and his fans very loyal. They love his personality and his jokes and emotional confidences when he's playing. King doesn't only plays video games, he gives almost all the money he gains to charity for orphans, or for biomedical research. I won't list every single Youtube celeb, but…"

She smiles and picks another video she places on her left – we can see a young man with blond hair and green eyes talking to the camera. He's never smiling, and behind him the landscape is always beautiful: snowy mountains, great plains covered with blossoming flowers, island beach paradise. Sometimes he's riding the wave, hang-gliding, or skydiving. It's generally filmed by a drone to be more spectacular.

"… I have to mention Demon Cyborg, aka Genos, a young and wealthy heir. His world wide travel channel and his pretty face earned him millions of fans who throw themselves at his videos and vote for his next travel destination while dreaming about marrying him one day. By the way, the web is getting restless about him since his last enigmatic live at Moscow, in which he announced he was coming back to Japan and putting an end to his travels. No news since then. His fans are desperate. Stay tuned for new developments!"

Suddenly, she looks hesitant. Her smile vanishes and she scowls.

"Eventually, I have no choice but mention my big sister Tatsumaki, aka Tornado of Terror, since she's highly placed in S-rank. She started at the same time I did, and her channel is basically just about her criticizing everything and everyone, starting arguments and heated debates with other Youtubers and real-life famous people. Against all expectations, she's been successful with debate, social satire and what we call _Youtube poop._ People love her angry rants, her talent for repartee and the way she destroys her enemies. They never grow tired of it, even though the video quality is not so great. She's got more than twenty millions of subscribers and gains more every day, even when she doesn't update for months. All of this while I put a lot of effort in writing my videos, montage, updating regularly… but I struggle to gain more than 400 000 subscribers."

She sighs and crosses her arms with frustration, frowning.

"Anyway. Let's skip to A-rank."

She didn't even show a video of Tatsumaki like she did for the others.

The pyramid appears again and she points a the « A-rank » part.

"A-rank gathers all the Youtubers who have from 500 000 to 2 millions of subscribers. Amai Mask is the most famous one. He's a j-pop singer in Japan. People often wonder why does he « only » have 2 millions of subscribers, but the reason is simple: he's very successful with his music, but only in Japan and South Korea. He's not known in the rest of the world yet."

Extracts of video clips are moving behind her – an androgynous young man with long hair is singing on a beach, his shirt open. Then he's gazing at the camera seductively, then pushing his hair back with a sneer while staring at a journalist with contempt, etc.

"Amai Mask is kind of a special case on Youtube, and lately other stars are doing the same: he didn't create his channel and he's not even updating it himself. His com' and his agent are managing it to promote him on Youtube as well as in tv or radio. They're the ones putting the video clips, extracts of dramas he's playing in and interviews."

She spreads her arms, and hundreds of tiny videos start gravitating around her.

"I encourage you to check on all A-rank Youtubers' videos! You'll find the complete list in the description below. I guarantee the outstanding quality of those channels on themes as various as science, social critic, make-up tutorials, history, art, music, feminism, etc. My favorite ones and role models are Sneck, Great Philosopher and Heavy Kong."

The videos all disappear, and the young woman is now standing alone in front of the white background. She smiles and the camera slowly zooms out.

"And now, I'd like to introduce you to what I call the B-rank class, that I, Fubuki, am part of. Every Youtuber on this category counts from ten thousands to 500 000 subscribers."

Dozens of persons come into the video frame to gather around her with smiles full of respect and adoration. Those who know Youtube well will recognize rising stars like Piko, Jet Nice Guy or Tank Top Black Hole."

Very confident, Fubuki puffs out her chest:

"Before I put some order and organized it, the B-rank was tearing itself apart with petty rivalry. But now, thanks to me, we've become a very closely knit network, a big family helping each other and sharing ideas and skills. Together, we film sketches, short movies and web fiction. Go on and click on their channel, you'll find a link for each one of us on the description below."

One of the Youtubers next to her smiles and says cheerfully:

"Fubuki is the best of us, subscribe to her channel, do it!"

"Yes!"

"Do it!"

"Fubuki's videos are awesome!"

Fubuki blushes but remains dignified, and with a hand gesture she tells them to let her continue. They step off screen, and she clears her throat:

"There's only the C-rank left. It represents about 70% of Youtubers! C-rank Youtubers only have from zero to a few thousands subscribers. Some will succeed, some won't ever. We all started at the bottom and we all know how hard it is to stand out from the masses. Unfortunately, talent is often not enough to become famous and succeed. That's why I try to help out some of them who caught my attention, and I hope that one day they'll join my B-rank network! They deserve a chance!"

She snaps her fingers, and a video appears on the left corner. We can see Mumen Rider smiling and helping an old lady crossing the street, giving a sandwich to a homeless person, climbing up a tree to save a stuck cat.

"Maybe you've already heard of Mumen Rider, that altruistic young man who uses his channel to help people. I think he's promising and deserves so much more subscribers, he only has about nine thousands for now! Same goes for Horse-Bone whose videos may not be very subtle, but are fun: he's making parodies of famous movies, while wearing a horse mask. Or Ecolo G who gives ecological advices for the every day life."

Each time, Fubuki snapped her fingers to make extracts appear. Then with a wave of her hand, everything vanishes like smoke.

"Of course, it wouldn't be realistic of me to sum up how Youtube is right now without mentioning the decreasing quality and how mediocre some of the newcomers are. They think all they have to do is post some videos to become famous and rich like a S-rank celebrity. I noticed lately how many of those newcomers have no idea how to write a video or make the montage, and they don't even want to try. In their videos they just talk about their lives like narcissists. They somehow think being a Youtuber is easy and doesn't require any effort or investment… It's an insult to us real Youtubers who work hard for what we get. And they're compromising our image outside the Internet. Because of them, people think we're paid to do nothing!"

Fubuki purses her lips and briefly shows some extracts of low-quality videos, in which Saitama is slumped in front of the tv, or showing his cactus or his manga to the camera.

"Take this one for example. Would you believe he thinks creating a Youtube channel is just a hobby and shamelessly said to his subscribers who complained about the quality that he has no intention of even trying to improve the sound or image. And then he whines because he feels he should have more subscribers and likes."

With a wry sigh, she makes the offending videos disappear and pinches the bridge of her nose.

"Youtube is a chance for humanity, for sharing and creativity. But this kind of videos is lowering the level and cultivates a mentality of mediocrity, narcissism and fame without credit or effort."

The music that ends all of her videos starts, and links to her other works appear.

"I'm all for encouraging and helping beginners who want to improve, so don't hesitate to subscribe to my channel and leave a comment if you need advices. Together, let's create a solid Youtube community and raise the quality level! See you soon!"

Surrounded by the other B-rank Youtubers, Fubuki winks at the camera to end the video.

 **Water Stream Rock Smashing Fist! DEMONSTRATION BY A GREAT MARTIAL ART MASTER – [3 minutes 40 seconds]**

"Are you ready, Master Bang? Let's start!"

Camera's trembling. The image settles on an old man wearing white pants and a black shirt. He's standing in a field, fists clenched, his eyes burning with determination under his bushy eyebrows. Next to him, a thick wall made of bricks.

"I'm ready, Charanko. You can start recording."

"Er… it's already recording!"

The man frowns and straightens his back, clearing his throat. He's staring hard at the camera and a drop of sweat is sliding down his forehead.

"Right. I will show you the special move I teach in my dojo. The _water stream rock smashing fist!_ "

He shouts those words vigorously and his body shifts into an attack posture. Knees flexed, he faces the wall and starts moving, fluid and fast as the stream of a river. It only takes a few seconds, and when his fist smashes into the wall, the bricks explode easily. The viewers may have to look several times at those few seconds to understand how subtle and complex were the movements he made.

Bang turns back to look sharply at the camera as he dusts off his fist the bricks turned into powder.

"This is only a tiny preview of what I could teach you if you join my dojo and become my student."

Charanko's voice chirps in:

"You'll find the informations and prices in the video's description. Join the dojo, and subscribe so you won't miss the next lesson of the great Master Bang! See you next time!"

The image moves upside down. The camera is now filming feet walking on the grass.

"How was I?"

"You were perfect, Master! I'm sure the video will be very successful!"

Obviously, Charanko failed to turn off the camera correctly. The image is shaky and it's hard to hear the voices.

"If you say so. You really think your Youtube thingy will bring me new students? That's what young people enjoy this days?"

We won't hear what Charanko has to answer, because the video cuts right here.

 **New start – [8 minutes 7 seconds]**

With high-quality image and sound, Genos's head and bust appear. He's sitting on a desk chair, headphones on his ears and a very professional-looking microphone set up under his chin. We can see a keyboard on the desk.

"Hi everyone."

His voice is calm, and his eyes are burning with an intensity we never witnessed before, in any of his previous videos. He's handsome as always, but some shadows under his eyes suggest he hasn't been sleeping enough lately.

For the fans who have been following him for years, it's really weird to see him sitting down in a closed place, since usually he's always outside in postal card like landscapes. We can't see much of what's behind him, but it looks like he's in a basement. The light is artificial and there are computers and electrical cabinets in the background.

"I'll go straight to the point. I made an important decision. I'm going to delete my travel channel I've been doing for five years, and I'll start a new one, very different. It'll be a scientific study and philosophical reflection channel."

He puts his elbows on the desk, eyebrows furrowed. He stares at the camera with his luminous green eyes. His blond hair bangs fall here and there on his forehead, and it makes him look mysterious and intense.

"My subject of study will focus on a Youtuber I discovered recently. His name is…"

Genos lowered his eyes, his eyelashes barely hiding the strong emotion there. He moistens his lips and swallows hard:

"… _Saitama._ _"_ he breathes with passion bordering on idolatry.

He takes a deep breath and looks up sharply, raising his voice:

"It only took him a few videos to turn my world and my convictions upside down. He made me realize it's not the number of subscribers, the fame, the money or the popularity that matter. I now see clearly how much I've been lost, trying to satisfy everybody's expectations, chasing glory on Youtube, and forgetting what I really want, and the reason why I started filming videos to begin with! I forgot the simple joy of sharing my passion without expecting anything in return!"

He regains his composure, and continues more calmly:

"From now on I intend to dedicate myself to his videos' deep message and try my best to follow his teachings. I can feel in him a wisdom far beyond my reach, but I'll do everything to understand, even if it's just a little bit. My new channel will focus on analyzing his videos, and you can join me to learn his life philosophy."

"Well, well, Genos, I see you've made yourself at home! There, I brought you a little something to eat. Oh, are you recording?"

Genos nods while the old man with a bowl hairstyle appears in the frame and puts down a tray with tea and biscuits on the desk.

"Let me introduce my uncle Kuseno who lives in Japan. I'm staying at his place for now, and he's letting me use his laboratory so I can record my scientific videos."

"You know you're welcome to stay in my house as long as you want, Genos-kun ! Hello, Internet!"

Kuseno smiles and waves at the camera before stepping off camera. Genos slowly sips his tea and puts down the cup, all of this while staring at the camera.

"I'll proceed methodically to solve the enigma that is Saitama-sensei. I'll study his habits, his personality and his videos with a scientific and philosophic approach. And I'll share everything I learn with you. I'll start in the next video. See you soon."


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's notes** **:** So… I'm late. As usual. I'm so sorry! Not only I'm a slow writer, but I write too many WIP at the same time, I'm a procrastinator, and I've been so tired lately. All I could do after work was binge-watch tv shows and waste my time scrolling on tumblr. I wrote the french chapter a while ago but translating it was no easy task.

I'd like to thank **Bomberguy789** who gave me a great idea who inspired me many things in that chapter about what Saitama's strength could be in this AU. It fits perfectly in the fic! :D

And thank you everyone for your patience and your adorable reviews!

 **oOo**

 **DESTROYING AN EGG-FACED LOSER – [11 minutes 23 seconds]**

The video is framing a young green-haired woman. She doesn't look older than 14, and stares at you with boldness and mild aggressiveness.

"Hi, bunch of losers! I'm Tatsumaki!"

She makes a mock military salute. Her mike looks very professional, but the background behind her is messy. The wall is covered with multicolored soundproofing foam. Her channel's name, **TO** **RNADO OF TERROR** , is written there with spray painting among posters of trash music. Action figures, Youtube awards trophies and various fan gifts piled up on a shelf.

"Today's video is about the latest Youtube scandal. You know what I'm talking about, unless you live in a cave or something."

She snaps her fingers and points at a corner of the video frame – a picture of Genos, handsome and photogenic as always, just appeared.

"Our local bishonen, Genos, deleted his travel channel three days ago. It's the juiciest gossip lately and loads of people already did videos about it."

She snorts, puffs her flat chest and narrows her eyes with a sneer.

"Don't expect me to cry on his deleted channel like his desperate fans. I couldn't care less about his travels around the world, his artistic drone views and his dark and handsome looks."

With a wave of her hand, she scatters away the picture to replace it by a bunch of tiny videos of Genos talking front camera, always with the same background of a laboratory.

"I'm more interested in the reason why he decided to ruin his own career and delete a very lucrative channel. He gave up luxury travels free of charges to go crash at his uncle's and he created a new channel. Seriously, have you seen it? He made 15 videos in 3 days, each one an hour long. And I've rarely seen anything that lame."

Elbows on her desk, she leans forward, face close to the camera to stare at you.

"And you know what those videos are about? What his channel main focus is? Do you? _Do you_ _?_ "

The tiny videos disappear. Tatsumaki leans back – her chair is way too big for her, making her look like a doll. She crosses her legs and snaps her fingers – a picture of Saitama picking his nose with a dull stare appears.

"Genos can't shut up about this baldy named Saitama. Yup, the famous Youtuber Genos is completely obsessed by this ugly bald man. You don't know who that is? Normal, he's a noob, a complete stranger who created his Youtube channel just a few weeks ago. Can you believe it? He's a nobody with just 9 subscribers!"

She folds her arms, shaking her head.

"Pfeuh. I'm not gonna waste my time talking about his lame videos' shitty quality or speculate about whether he blackmailed, brainwashed or manipulated Genos to get him to advertise him. To be honest, I don't give a rat's ass if Genos ruins his career for a noob. It's less competition for me to become the most popular Youtuber, after all."

She grins and grabs her mike to talk right into it.

"For me, the funny part of all this is how lame that baldy is. I mean he doesn't even have hair. Have you seen his face? He's using Genos's popularity to go play with the big guys, so I'm gonna turn him into a walking meme to remind him his place. He's got a meme face, don't ya think? I did some editing and I want all my followers to try it too. I'll make a compilation of the best trash videos mocking him, so show me what you're capable of and make me proud! Enjoy!"

Follow a bunch of edited videos using Saitama's channel content to distort it with techno music, fragments of sentences cut and repeated to make him say ridiculous things with a modified voice. Multicolored words like BALDY or EGG FACE or LAME ASS burn into your retina. Then, images appear in flashes, like Saitama's face photoshopped on a egg-cup, or on each ass cheek of a naked man, or as a baseball being kicked by a bat to do a home run, etc. The profusion of flashes for 7 minutes of Saitama-bashing makes it very hard to watch if you're epileptic.

It finally ends like all of Tatsumaki's videos do: links to her other videos, a huge **SUBSCRIBE NOW** flashing, and Tatsumaki pointing a finger at you:

"Subscribe if you're not a loser!"

 **Lack of respect – [4 minutes 30 seconds]**

"Yo."

Camera framing on Metal Bat's face and chest. He's obviously holding his phone at arm's length to record. It looks like he's in front of a combini – probably a Seven Eleven – near the trash cans and customers' bikes.

He's crouching, his baseball bat resting on his shoulder in a threatening way. There is a sinister look on his face and you can tell he's angry.

"It's been a week since every-fucking-one on Youtube started to make fun of some poor guy who didn't ask for it. And it's starting to piss me off."

He scowls and raises his chin to stare down at the camera. The sunshine casts scary shadows on his face.

"I've got a message for all the assholes who make videos to mock and insult my buddy Saitama. That was fun the first five minutes, but now it's getting too far. You think you're so smart? You think it's okay to harass a guy who's trying to start his own channel?"

He turns his head to spit on the ground disgustedly, and drawls like young thugs often do:

"Leave him the fuck alone, you know nothing about him! He might be new at being a Youtuber, but he's been active on the comment section for far longer than any of us. He's the best at smashing trolls and haters. And you made a meme out of him. He's a cool guy and he doesn't deserve to be harassed by Genos's hysterical groupies or 12 years old jerks who lick Tatsumaki's ass like she's their guru."

His hand tightens on his metal bat, his knuckles turning white.

"Because of your bullshit, Saitama hasn't been online for a week. I haven't seen him at King's speedruns and liveblogging. You're proud of yourselves? You made him go away! Tsk!"

He stands up and snorts, filming himself from below. This low-angle shot makes him look imposing and positively furious.

"Fuck you all!"

 **New rival located! - [17 minutes 2 seconds]**

Sounds of footsteps. Distant rumbling of the city.

A deserted street. One of those suburban streets, where the rent is cheap and mafia thrives.

At the screen's top left corner, a small frame shows an androgynous face. So androgynous it's hard to say for sure if it's a man, a woman, or neither. Long dark hair fall from their bun and onto their face.

We can only guess this person is carrying two cameras to record this video: one is on their forehead to film what they're seeing, and the other one is fixed at the end of a pole so we won't miss any reaction on their face.

They stop in front of a miserable looking building. There are only three floors lining up identical apartments' doors. Just like a prison.

"Here I am."

Judging by the deep and low voice, it would seem he's a man after all. Maybe. Even his oldest followers on Youtube are not sure, because Sonic always kept it vague about his gender or lack of it.

A psychotic grin spreads on his face and shows his white teeth.

"I hacked him to locate his IP address and find where he lives. Ladies and gentlemen, this is where lives Saitama, that guy my rival Genos is so obsessed with!"

Gloating, Sonic comes near the building. He looks like the cat that got the cream.

"Everyone has been talking about him for more than two weeks now, so I wanted to see for myself what makes him so special, and how he managed to make Genos delete his channel and deceive millions of fans. I've been attacking Genos for years to ruin his channel and chase him away from Youtube, but never succeeded! I don't like being robbed of a prey under my nose. Saitama, you took my victory from my hands. So now you're my nemesis."

Sonic is walking up the stairs, and the camera at the end of the pole is trembling with each step. He arrives in front of a door and touches it, glancing gleefully at the camera.

"This is where he lives," he murmurs. "We're finally gonna know all of his secrets."

But right at this moment the handle turns and the door opens on Saitama's bright bald skull.

Sonic reacts at the speed of light. He makes an impressive backward leap in the air like an acrobat. Both cameras turn upside down and film a hand gripping the guardrail. We can hear Sonic's breathing and he glances down. His feet are swaying 3 or 4 meters above the ground. He's wearing some kind of a tight fit black body suit. He looks up, focusing his front camera at Saitama.

Obviously he hasn't noticed anything. He's locking his door, looking bored and neutral. He's wearing sandals, bermuda shorts and a t-shirt with a ugly mouse drawn on it.

"It's okay, he hasn't seen me…" Sonic whispers as Saitama puts his keys in his pocket and walks down the stairs.

Agile like a cat, Sonic grips the guardrail and comes back on the second floor while Saitama walks away on the street without looking back.

"He has no idea," he chuckles and winks at the camera. "I think this is the perfect moment to break in and have a little fun at his expense. That'll teach him not to rob me from winning against Genos."

Sonic takes something out of his pouch and goes to the door. He inserts metal rod into the keyhole until it unlocks with a clicking sound.

"Easy peasy."

Sonic sneaks into the apartment, turning his head to film the tiny kitchen – there are some leftovers of noodles and a shit ton of dirty dishes in the sink. A futon is folded in a corner of the living room with a blanket on top of it. The television is turned off, but the laptop on the desk is on.

"Oooooh, now that's not very wise to leave a computer on with no password to protect it…"

With a psychopath grin, Sonic sits on the chair and puts his hands on Saitama's laptop's keyboard. He clicks and types a few things, and then:

"And his Youtube login and password are memorized! I can do anything I want on his channel! This is too tempting. I'm doing it. I'll make a little guest star apparition on Saitama's channel to challenge him. This is going to be so much fun. Hehehehehe!"

 **OWNED ! [1 minute 22 seconds]**

This is Saitama's channel, and yet this is not his face on screen, but Sonic's. Behind him, the familiar background of Saitama's apartment. The androgynous Youtuber grins like a maniac.

"No, this isn't an update from the egg-face! This is the one and only, the great Sonic! I've found where the baldy's living and he's not home now. This is the opportunity to troll my new rival."

He bends off-camera and reappears with an envelope in his hand, all giddy with sadistic joy.

"I've no idea what Genos, Tatsumaki, Metal Bat and all Youtube celebs find so fascinating about that guy. But I'm not an egoist so I'll share what I found with you all. You see that? This is his address."

He holds the envelope – it looks like an electricity bill. Saitama's full name and address are written on the envelope. You just need to hit the pause button to write it down.

Sonic starts chuckling hysterically.

"Don't hesitate to pay him a visit like I did, or send him letters to tell him what you think of him! I know Genos's fangirls want to! Go wild!"

His hand comes near the screen and ends the video.

 **How I met my sensei – [19 minutes 56 seconds]**

Kuseno's underground laboratory. The same metallic shelves, server centers, cables and artificial light that we saw in the fifty videos Genos put online since he created his new channel. As usual, the young Youtuber is sitting down, staring sternly at the camera with joint hands under his chin. But this time, you don't get to watch the very artistic and elaborate opening that begins every video analyzing Saitama's philosophy. You don't get to watch Genos's hand drawing in fast-forward Saitama's portrait and hear the song about hopeless one-sided love. A beautiful portrait, for that matter. Perhaps too beautiful: under Genos's pencil, Saitama looks dark, muscular and charismatic – it doesn't exactly look like the real one.

But no, this time, no opening. Only Genos staring at the camera sternly. The neons on the ceiling light up his hair like gold, it makes his face even more handsome and ethereal.

"Tonight's video is a bit special. I'm interrupting my analysis of Saitama-sensei to answer some questions I've frequently been asked the last few weeks."

Slowly, Genos puts his elbows and hands on the desk. In the background, a few meters behind him, we can see his uncle Kuseno working on an experiment.

"Before we start, I want to make something very clear. Those slanderous rumors about Saitama-sensei are false. He never threatened me, he never gave me money or converted me to a cult. He never forced me to do anything. I decided of my own free will to devote my channel, my time and my passion to him. He probably doesn't even know I exist."

Saying thoss words he looks down, a glimmer of sadness in his eyes. But he pulls himself together and holds his head high, eyes hard as steel.

"I've something to say to those who disrespect Saitama-sensei even though they're not worthy of breathing the same air as him."

His face shifts, becoming aggressive. Livid with rage.

"Tatsumaki, shut your fucking mouth or I'll _make you do so_."

He closes an angry fist toward the camera with a burning passion he never displayed before:

"And Sonic, you scumbag, you better keep your dirty hands off MY sensei or I'll make you wish you were never born."

He loudly bangs his fist on the desk, making the camera shake – in the background, Kuseno looks up from his work.

"Is everything alright with your Youtube thingy, Genos-kun?"

Eyes narrowed, Genos breathes in with flared nostrils to regain his composure and rubs his painful fist.

"Everything is okay, my uncle," he answers with a polite and even tone. "I just got a bit carried away, I'm sorry for the noise."

Kuseno nods and smiles understandingly.

"Don't apologize. As long as you're having fun with other young people, I'm happy."

Genos clears his throat and stares at the camera unblinkingly once again.

"Now back to the questions I've been asked those last few weeks. About my former channel – you probably noticed I deleted it. I know some of you hoped I would keep it, but I wanted to draw a line on my past and make a fresh start. I'm not that person anymore. This travel channel represented a version of myself people wanted and expected, but wasn't the real me. I figured out thanks to Saitama-sensei's teaching that I can free myself of people's expectations, I can live fully what I'm really interested in and no longer force myself to be who others want me to be. I finally know who I am, what I'm worth, what I want, and I won't let the past hold me back. Saitama-sensei didn't only change me deep inside, he also opened my eyes and freed me. And I don't care what you think, because only Saitama-sensei's opinion matters to me."

His eyes are moving like he's reading something on his computer's screen. Judging by his hand scrolling down on his mouse, he's skimming through Youtube's comments, probably looking for other questions.

"Some of you wonder how did I meet my sensei and why do I admire him so much. I never told before in my previous videos, but I didn't find his Youtube channel by sheer luck. I met Saitama-sensei in exceptional circumstances. Only the oldest fans know of it, but I have a second account on Youtube, under the name of _DemonCyborg._ I only use it to take part in conversations in the comment section of other Youtubers' videos. I enjoy debates, I have a competitive spirit and I always come to the rescue when innocent people are harassed, bullied or insulted by trolls and haters. This is my way of doing justice while killing time when I travel alone all around the world and feel bored in a hotel room. One night in Moscow, I was battling against M0squ1toGirl, a vile troll and hater who enjoyed belittling people and get them to commit suicide. She even used her followers like a swarm to attack her victims."

A dreamy smile softens his face. He heaves an enamored sigh, staring into space.

"This is how I met Saitama. M0squ1toGirl was getting the upper hand, she was destroying all my arguments, humiliating me, beating me into a pulp to the point I felt at my lowest and wanted to quit Youtube and never come back… he came to my rescue. With one sentence, _just one sentence_ , Saitama atomized M0squ1toGirl. She deleted her account right away and never showed up again. Never had I witnessed such powerful repartee, such crushing victory. I was amazed."

Genos takes a deep breath to contain his emotions.

"I wanted to know his secret so badly. I wanted to ask him to take me as his student. But he always turned up in the comments, smashed trolls, and disappeared immediately like a mysterious hero. I searched for him through hundreds of videos, to follow his trail and admire his strength and heroic deeds. I was his first subscriber when he started his own channel, and I'll be forever proud of it. His videos made me realize how deep his philosophy really is. So I decided to devote my life to study his thought."

Behind him, his uncle is whistling, still working on his experiment. Genos's cheeks are flushed now, and his green eyes are glinting with passion.

"Saitama-sensei is an exceptional being. An unsung hero, fighting to protect us from trolls and haters. He's working in the shadows, never bragging, never seeking glory despite how incredibly powerful his repartee is. If it weren't for him, Internet would be so infested no one could possibly survive surfing through it. I would like Saitama-sensei to receive the admiration and honor he deserves. I would like you to see him as _I_ see him. Because Saitama-sensei is perfect and I'm proud of being his student. And I'll prove it in my next videos about his philosophy."

The video ends with a stern gesture from Genos, and Kuseno waving goodbye enthusiastically in the background.

 **The consequences of cyber-bullying** **– [6 minutes 40 seconds]**

Held at arm's length, the smartphone appears in Mumen Rider's glasses. As always, the young Youtuber is never far away from his bike: it is parked behind him, stable on its crutch.

"I didn't plan on recording a video today."

Mumen Rider stops for a moment, swallowing his feelings.

"I'm sure you've heard of someone called Saitama. Lately, everyone has been talking about him. I don't know him personally, but he's one of my oldest subscribers and he always leaves positive comments on my videos. I didn't want to expose him even more by talking about him on my channel, and that's why I haven't said anything until now. But I've really been worried about him since Sonic publicly revealed his home address. It has been more than a month now since Saitama last gave any sign of life online, so I decided to pay him a visit off camera to give him my support, my friendship, and to tell him he's not alone and not to listen to all those awful things people have been saying about him…"

He lowers his hand, now filming in a low-angle. We can't see his eyes, but the rest of his face is so empathetic, so deeply human.

"But… It looks like I'm too late…"

The camera is now filming a miserable looking building. Mumen Rider walks in that direction, camera trembling with each step.

"When I arrived, I found his apartment empty. Wait, let me show you."

He walked up the stairs and to a door – those who have watched Sonic's video will recognize Saitama's apartment. There are angry words written on the door with red paint: **DIE FUCKING BALDY**. Mumen Rider's hand appears to push it – it's unlocked. The door swings open with a creaking of hinges. The apartment is totally empty.

"Saitama isn't here anymore. There's nothing left. Except…"

The camera's now filming the floor littered with mail near the front door. Mumen Rider crouches down and takes a handful of envelopes.

"This. Hundreds and hundreds of hate mail."

Indeed, no need to open those envelopes to guess what's inside. They are addressed to « Saitama the fucking baldy » or « Lame wannabe Youtuber », with « DIE » written on some of them.

Mumen lets them fall back, staring at the camera with what might be a serious look. Hard to tell for sure, behind those glasses.

"A neighbor told me Saitama hastily left his home with all his stuff two weeks ago or so. Two weeks ago. Not long after Sonic broke into his place and hacked him to reveal his address."

He clenches his jaw.

"We should be ashamed to have chased an innocent man away from his home, to have harassed him, humiliated and insulted him to the point he had to move away and stop updating his Youtube channel. _I'm_ ashamed. We're all guilty of bullying or watching without doing anything."

His chin wobbles and a tear runs down his cheek. His voice is now fierce:

"Saitama has been defending my subscribers against trolls in my videos' comment section since the day I created my channel three years ago. He's a good guy. A true hero. And I fear we've been pushing him too hard. I… I fear the worst. If anything happened to him, anything at all, it's on us. If only I had done something before!"

He takes a shaky breath and wipes his cheek with his wrist.

"I… I know there's good in everyone. I've always believed humans are good deep inside. I want to believe it. We're better than this."

There are tears in his voice, but it's firmer now:

"We have to support and help each other. We have to resist hatred and harassment. You saw what it leads to. Never forget words hurt. We all are sensitive and fragile human beings together on this planet for our short life span. It's entirely up to us to make it a paradise."

Mumen Rider gives a weak smile and waves goodbye:

"This is the message I'd like to pass on: make this world a better place, one good deed at a time. Do it for Saitama and for every victim of those who are too afraid to open their heart and to do good."


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's notes** **:** This chapter is way too long and translating some parts was hellish. And to think I wanted to keep the chapters short and easy to translate for this fic... Well anyway I hope you'll enjoy reading those videos as much as I enjoyed writing it!

I'd like to thank you all for your support and reviews. And I thank my betareader CloudFactory for pointing out my typos and weird sentences. And a warm thank you to guest readers too: I can't answer you all directly with a PM but I loved your comments, you cuties. :D

 **oOo**

 ** **Black Spirit 3 – ending [[LIVE]]****

Meatball_69: hello king

Frotman: hi guys! :)

Angel_of_butt54: THE ENDING! FINALY!

Angel_of_butt54: CANT W8

Angel_of_butt54: HI KING!1!

Angel_of_butt54: HI EVRY1! IT GUNNA B GR8

Sonic: lol gtfo noob

 **MetalBat[moderator]:** Angel_of_butt54 if you don't stop using capslock right now i'll kick you out of the chat

Jackallh: hi king

 **MetalBat[moderator]:** and Sonic you better behave or I'll get your ass out like last time

Meatball_69: hi frot, hi angel

Angel_of_butt54: sry MetalBat

Angel_of_butt54: ill stop dont kick me pls :'(

Sonic: yea were gonna be good boys lolololol

Meatball_69: hey where is King

 **MetalBat[moderator]:** let me remind you the rules

 **MetalBat[moderator]:** no slurs, no capslock, no flooding, no advertising or spamming or i'll kick you outta there right away

 **MetalBat[moderator]:** got it?

EvilPastry: hi evry1!

Sonic: yea yea keep acting tough big guy im so afraid lol

Jackallh: dont worry MetalBat we will be good

Meatball_69: we'll behave!

Angel_of_butt54: yea Meat i was wanderin 2, wheres King?

Relitrad: HI GUYS \o/

Angel_of_butt54: ahhh its goin too fast i cant read evrythg

Relitrad: i thougt i was gonna miss the live i couldnt get my mum off my back :o

Relitrad: so hpy im on time!

Sonic: lol idgaf abt ur life Relitrad

Sonic: how tf can u be so slow Angel_of_butt54 just learn to read faster ffs youre useless pfff

Meatball_69: hi reli!

Tronnia: yo guyzz! :D

 **MetalBat[moderator]:** King went to look for another adaptator cable cause the sound was kinda off

Meatball_69: okkk

Angel_of_butt54: hullo Tronnia!

EvilPastry: King com back plsss!

Sonic: lol stfu EvilPastry ur pathetic

 **Charanko[moderator]:** hi :)

 **MetalBat[moderator]:** yo Charanko

Greyman-afk: hi everyone! the ending at last

Greyman-afk: im sure King is gonna rock

KirianOfHell: yooooo

Greyman-afk: cant wait to watch him ace the final boss, he was sooooooo hard to kill

Frotman: 2 mods were so dead lol

EvilPastry: heeeeyy King is here!

KirianOfHell: hi King! ur the best ilu!

EvilPastry: Kiiiiiiiinnnnng! :D :D :D

Sonic: yall such asslickers lol

Sonic: dont miss any spot

Sonic: go on slurp slurp slurp

Sonic: ur all pathetic ffs

Jackallh: king is in the house!

 **MetalBat[moderator]:** stay the fuck down Sonic or i throw you out

 **MetalBat[moderator** **]** **:** re king

Angel_of_butt54: yayyy hes back!

 **MetalBat[moderator]:** wtf took you so long, you went looking for your cable in Alaska or what?

 **Charanko[moderator]:** hi king! can't wait to watch the final boss :p

KirianOfHell: hi king

Tronnia: yeahh king!

Frotman: hi king!

Relitrad: hullo King :)

Greyman-afk: yo king!

Meatball_69: KING! hi!

* * *

King just sat on his chair and waves at the screen.

"Hi to everyone who just logged in."

The sound is sizzling, it's hard to hear him talk. The Youtuber's rugged face is locked on his usual stern and neutral expression. He's leaning forward with a cable in his hand, and for a few seconds half the screen is invaded by his forehead and hair – the other half is occupied by the chatroom's flow getting faster and faster as more people log in and say hi to each other and to King.

A crackling noise, and the annoying buzzing that we kept hearing since the live started a few minutes earlier stops at last.

King sits back on his chair and puts his headphones on.

"Can you all hear me better, now?"

He stares at the screen for a moment, eyes moving back and forth as he quickly reads the many answers he's getting.

"Good. There are already many of you watching but let's wait a bit longer for the latecomers to arrive."

In addition to the webcam framing King's face and torso and the chatroom scrolling live, we can see on the video a money meter. For now, it's set on zero. King keeps talking while he's adjusting the image's quality.

"In the meantime, I'll remind you that in this livestream you'll see the ending of the game Black Spirit 3, and this is a kind of special let's play because all the donation you'll make will be given to medical research for Crohn's disease. Tonight, I'm going to play flawlessly for medical advances, you have my word."

* * *

 **MetalBat[moderator]:** dude it's gonna be hard the final boss is a nightmare i swear after 2 weeks it was driving me insane

 **MetalBat[moderator]:** in the end i had to use a cheatcode to make it

Frotman: shame on u MetalBat XD

Frotman: it took me 3 days but i did it wit no cheats

Jackallh: chickennnn i only had to restart 6x

Tronnia: lmao

KirianOfHell: rofl u all suck so bad i won on 1st try

Sonic: pffff losers lol

EvilPastry: mytho

 **Charanko[moderator]:** hey stop right there with the pissing contest or ill kick everyone out

Angel_of_butt54: i bet Kirian playd on easy mode

Angel_of_butt54: and Sonic is no gamer hes just a troll

Relitrad: go check my chanel

Relitrad: i did a lets play medium lvl

Sonic: stfu Angel_of_butt54 ur so pathetic with ur 152 subs lol

Relitrad: like and sub pls

 _ **[Relitrad has been kicked out of the chatroom by MetalBat[moderator]: I SAID NO ADVERTISING!]**_

 **MetalBat[moderator]:** anyone else feels like making some advertising?

Saitama: yo king

Saitama: cant wait to watch the ending

Jackallh: hahaha theres always some dumbass who tries to promote his channel XD

EvilPastry: lmaoooo

 **MetalBat[moderator]:** wtf O_o

 **MetalBat[moderator]:** saitama?

Saitama: sup metalbat

 **MetalBat[moderator]:** WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN BRO FFS

 **MetalBat[moderator]:** AND DONT U DARE « SUP METALBAT » ME

 **MetalBat[moderator]:** YOUVE BEEN MISSING FOR WEEKS

Angel_of_butt54: w8 dont tel me its the real saitama O_o

Saitama: well i was afk

Tronnia: looks like he is

Angel_of_butt54: omfg :o

 **MetalBat[moderator]:** YEAH THX I NOTICED THAT!

 **MetalBat[moderator]:** WTF WERE U DOING

Saitama: i was busy, why u ask?

Sonic: woooo the return of my rival

Sonic: its gonna be fun lol

 **Charanko[moderator]:** uh MetalBat if you keep spamming and using capslock i'll have to kick you out….

 **Charanko[moderator]:** i dont even know if i can actually kick out another mod tbh

Meatball_69: roh such dramaaaa XDDD

Frotman: guys were talking to a livin meme lmao!

* * *

King frowns, eyes narrowing as he reads all the comments scrolling down faster and faster.

"Welcome back Saitama, it's good to see you. We haven't seen you log in for a month even though I never saw you miss a livestream before."

* * *

Saitama: i wasnt much on youtube bc i had some shit to deal wit

Saitama: anyway i didnt want to miss the ending so here i am

KirianOfHell: roflmao its the bald dude who makes shity vids! hes got da dumbest face ever i luv it looool :DDDD

KirianOfHell: i made a vid dat got 3rd on tatsumakis trash top 10! go watch it its so funy!

Sonic: GG KirianOfHell lol :D

 _ **[KirianOfHell has been kicked out of the chatroom by MetalBat[moderator]: DON'T TALK THAT WAY TO MY BUDDY!]**_

Sonic: hehehe saitama and to say i thought u killed urself lol

Sonic: u shat ur pants and moved out cause i revealed ur address pfff

Sonic: pathetic ur such a wimp

Sonic: did u cry when u saw my video? lololololololololololololol

Saitama: huh

Saitama: who are u

Sonic: what do you mean who i am

Sonic: i'm your worst enemy

Saitama: nope, i dont know u

Sonic: WHAT?

 _ **[Sonic has been kicked out of the chatroom by MetalBat[moderator]: BECAUSE YOU'RE A LITTLE SHIT AND I DON'T LIKE YOU]**_

Jackallh: lol owned sonic

Meatball_69: lmao

Angel_of_butt54: bwahaaha epic fail XD

Greyman-afk: GG MetalBat kickmaster

Frotman: that chat is goin to shit lol

Saitama: dat guy was weird, im not sure wat he wanted

Saitama: well idc, when does the live start?

EvilPastry: its a fake im sure its not the real saitama

 **MetalBat[moderator]:** Saitama turn your skype on we need to talk

 **MetalBat[moderator]:** i dont know if youre aware but theres been a huge shitstorm when you were gone

EvilPastry: idgaf abt saitama i just want the ending

 **Charanko[moderator]:** hey King it's time we shouldve started already

Greyman-afk: yeah who gives a fuck we want Black Spirit 3

Meatball_69: yea same i could care less

Saitama: metalbat we'll skype after the live i dont wanna miss the final boss

 **MetalBat[moderator]:** ok

Mumen_Rider: Hello King! :)

Mumen_Rider: I heard of your livestream and donations for medical research on Crohn's disease :)

Mumen_Rider: I think it's a great initiative so I talked about you on my channel :)

Mumen_Rider: And I would like to encourage you by making a donation :)

Mumen_Rider: I don't know anything about video games but I will watch this livestream until the end, because I admire your charity acts :)

Mumen_Rider: I believe you're making the world a better place with each video by using your fame to make good :)

Angel_of_butt54: Mumen! wooo 1 mor celeb on bord! :o

Angel_of_butt54: Mumen i dig ur restore faith in humanity compil vids!

* * *

With a joyful tinkling, the money meter suddenly rises to an impressive number.

"Thank you for you generous donation for medical research, Mumen Rider. I like your channel, it cheers me up when I'm feeling down. Now it's time for some gaming, you're ready guys?"

King smiles crookedly while his subscribers cheer enthusiastically. With just a click he modifies the video: we can't see the chatroom anymore and the game Black Spirit 3 on pause takes all the screen. The Youtuber's face is framed on the top left corner of the video so it won't block the view.

We're looking at the heroine from the back, she's riding a horse. Her black cloak is frozen in its movement, revealing the gun at her belt, her stylized armor made of silver and velvet, and various artifacts she gathered in her quests. In her gloved hand, the magic scepter is glowing with a pale green light looking unreal. Her long brown hair is tied up in a ponytail. The artistry in the details is breathtaking: it looks like you could touch every single one of her hair.

In front of her, a colossal and gloomy castle is rising high with shredded banners blowing in the wind. A threatening mass of black clouds flashing with thunder slowly swirls around above the towers.

The heroine is bravely standing on the drawbridge and is starting to get down her horse.

"As usual, you can all rewatch what we're doing tonight in two or three days once the video's edited and I put it online. Now, I'll sum up what happened in the last livestreams for those who missed those like Saitama: our heroine, Sklea, is in charge of the army of the kingdom of Phyrben. In the beginning of the game, the king sent her to gather magical artifacts in enemy territory. But Sklea discovered that the Evil Empress was in fact her twin sister Moya who had been kidnapped when she was a child, and had been manipulated and controlled. Little by little, Sklea found out that everything had been staged by the king all along to take her away from the kingdom of Phyrben and destroy her by making her kill her own sister. Moya and Sklea were actually the legitimate heirs of the throne. They had been taken away and hidden by their nanny who was trying to protect them from their father, the king, who made a pact with an evil spirit in order to become invincible and immortal. He wanted to kill them at birth because of a prophecy predicting one of them would defeat him. Years later he found them again, kidnapped Moya, and he believed that Sklea's soul would be too sullied to ever defeat him if she killed her sister."

A clicking sound, and the game unfreezes. Sklea's cloak and hair are flapping in the wind as she gets down off her stamping horse.

"We're now back in the kingdom of Phyrben to confront that son of a bitch king, save the world, and most of all avenge our poor twin sister for everything he did to her. Let me remind you I'm playing in realistic mode and I've intended to finish that game in a week, but I got so emotionally attached to Sklea and this universe that I did all the side quests, I explored every corner of the open world, so it's been a month or so since I started playing. I must confess I'm sad this is the end already. Yeah, exactly, like Charanko just said it's a game you have to savor and take your time on, not the kind of game you'll speed-run."

Sklea walks with long strides, each step resounding on the drawbridge while her horse runs off like the devil with a terrified neigh. As she nears the castle's entrance, the sky darkens and thunder rumbles louder. An ominous music increases second by second, enough to make anyone's blood run cold when she enters the castle and finds piles of dead bodies lying there.

A sad expression comes to King's face and he gives out a heavy sigh.

"The castle was so full of life and joy when I left in the beginning of the game. Now there's no one left alive, not a sound, nothing…"

The heroine strides over a tiny skeleton. A child's one, still holding a rag doll in her hand.

"This is so sad… I wonder if we could have saved the villagers if we came back immediately after Moya's death instead of searching for artifacts…"

King glances on the side, probably where his second screen is showing the live chat.

"Mh, Meatball_69 said he did so, he came back to the castle but at that moment the king was still playing the nice guy's role so it didn't change anything. Well, no need for regrets then."

The heroine keeps walking, and as she gets deeper into the castle, strides through rooms and climbs stairs, the atmosphere gets heavier and she seems on her guard. The developers added lots of details in her behavior to show her emotional state: shoulders hunched, nervous glances around, a hair lock she keeps pushing behind her ear, her finger tightening on the trigger, and her lower lip she's biting.

When she passes through, the dead's eyes follow her, turning their heads and slowly raising a rawboned hand in her direction. Some of them let out a sinister lament, like a supplication.

"They don't seem to attack, even if I slow down…" King muses. "This is just for setting the mood. We're starting to hear Sklea's heartbeat as a background noise, by the way. All of this is just to freak out the player, to condition us mentally to face the final boss."

Sklea's rushed footsteps sound reverberate in the long corridors. The tapestries are tarnished and don't depict the royal family and ancient history scenes anymore, now they're showing slaughters, bloody sacrifices and faces contorting in agony. Her black cloak is sweeping the floor behind her when King makes her run faster. Wind is shaking the stained-glass windows, and lightning is blinding us with each thunderbolt. On the outside, a storm is now raging on.

"I could spend hours exploring the castle and noticing every little detail, I'm sure I'm missing quite a lot. You figured out each one of these dead people is actually the ones we interacted with in the beginning of the game? Some of them have letters in their hand, and I'm sure if I went to search the kitchens and bedrooms I'd find plenty of explanations about how the king killed them all. But I know you're eager to see me smash into the ground the asshole who made my darling Sklea suffer, and you'll get your money worth. By the way, thank you Jackallh for the donation you just made!"

Indeed, the money meter just went up a few digits. King arrives then in front of the throne room and open the doors with a mighty kick that sends them crashing a few meters away.

"Ah. Cinematic."

The camera's angle shifts to show how huge the circular room is and how tiny Sklea looks in this outsized place as she walks to the throne. This place had been filled with courtiers dancing and minstrels playing when she left the kingdom, and now it's empty except for the throne. And it isn't even the same throne anymore – this one is made of piled up dead bodies and skulls. The king is sitting there imperiously, his long red cloak trailing on the ground. He hasn't changed at all, he's still the same man to whom Sklea pledged allegiance to, and before whom she bowed down before she left for the mission he gave her.

Sklea walks to him, radiating with rage and betrayal making her eyes shine with unshed tears. Pointing an accusing finger at him, she exposes all her resentment. She shouts she always served him loyally, she used to be grateful and respect him, but he had been manipulating her and lying to her since the very first day. How could he not tell her he is her father? How could a father persecute and torture his own daughters the way he did?

Her fierce words bring tears to King's eyes and his shin's starting to wobble when Sklea talks about her twin sister's death.

"Poor girl, she suffered so much. The only person in the world she trusted and respected betrayed her and wanted her doom all along… Knowing that on top of that he is her biological father and sent her to kill Moya on purpose, that must be so hard for her… "

A wet sniffing, and he points at the money meter:

"Thanks EvilPastry for the generous donation. You're all sweethearts to give out money already even though the fighting hasn't even began yet. I'll do my best to impress you all."

The cinematic ends after the king's evil laugh and his textbook villain speech about how he's invincible and immortal and nothing will stop him from ruling the world once he's killed her. Sklea's hands tighten on her gun and magical scepter as she crouches in a defensive position. The king is standing up and starts to levitate a dozen meters above the ground.

A nerve-racking music amplifies, sounding almost like sepulchral chanting as a prelude for a blood sacrifice.

"Here we go. I'm going to wipe the floor with you, you evil motherfucker."

For a few minutes, the king's attacks are quite textbook: he throws energy waves, fire balls and electricity arcs at Sklea. Another less skilled gamer would probably have trouble dodging the explosions and vicious attacks coming from everywhere, but for King it's a piece of cake. He easily makes Sklea jump and twirl around to avoid any harm. When she fires bullets and throws magic blasts at him, the king dodges by creating an invisible shield or teleporting himself elsewhere, and he never stops laughing and provoking her. It looks like it's impossible to even touch him.

But King doesn't seem to worry about it. In fact, he's reading the live chat at the same time, avoiding dozens of attacks that would have challenged even the most experienced gamers.

"No, Charanko, I won't waste my explosive golden bullets nor my best magic attacks on this part of the fight. I can see he's not giving his best shot yet, this is just foreplay. That's why I'm using the common bullets and my weakest attacks. It would be a mistake to give it all now and then be dry when he'll be vulnerable. Right now, it's all about endurance and saving time, I just have to wait until it gets down to business. It shouldn't be much longer, his voice is sounding less and less human by the second."

Indeed, the final boss' voice is distorting as he whispers horrible things about Moya and how he did to make her obey since he kidnapped her. His face is changing too and is starting to look like a death mask.

Happy tinkling announcing a new donation for charity.

"Thanks Meatball_69 for the donation," King murmurs at the exact moment he sends an electric magic wave that strikes the invisible shield strongly enough to make the villain stagger.

Immediately, Sklea takes advantage to rush toward him by jumping high in the air, and spear his stomach with her scepter. Blood spurts out red and guts splash noisily on the marble when she brings him down on the floor, pining him there with her weapon.

It results in a short cinematic scene in which Sklea harshly roots out her magic scepter dripping with blood from the king's lifeless body. There is hatred on her face, but her lips pout sceptically. _He can't be dead that easily_ _…_ she whispers, poking with suspicion at the unmoving body with her boot.

" _Of course_ he's not dead," King nods, looking pleased. "My darling Sklea is so smart. And so strong. And so pretty."

The heroine flinches when a hand made of shadows shoots up from the bloody guts and grips her ankle. She tries to fire at it with her gun but isn't quite fast enough and ends up being thrown out through the throne room and crashes in the wall brutally enough to crackle the marble.

Then we see a creature made of darkness and shadows with red eyes extricate itself from the dead body with viscous noises, just like a snake shedding its skin.

"So this is the king's true form after he made that pact with the evil spirit and sold his soul for invincibility and immortality… There's nothing human left in him anymore, hasn't been for a long time. All he did was pretend to be human since the twin's birth and the prophecy saying one of the girls would be his doom."

The shadow king looks pissed off now, and he's obviously not playing games anymore. His voice is sepulchral and he's threatening to kill Sklea with so much rage it gives all viewers the chills. His body is absorbing light and colors all around him, as if his very touch was toxic.

Epic soundtrack is starting as background music.

This time, the final boss raises his arms and gravity is overthrown – all of a sudden, every single object _falls_ toward him in free fall. The throne too is sucked up into the shadow body, and Sklea gets away only thanks to King's good reflex to hammer the scepter into the ground to hang on to it with one hand while she empties her magazine at the enemy. And now there's no shield to stop the bullets. They reach the villain but have next to no effect, he barely flinches.

"The bastard turned himself into a black hole," King mumbles and narrows his eyes. "But I can finally hurt him, that's a good sign. Now is the time to use all my power, but to do that I need my two hands and my scepter. Mh, how should I do… Ah! Thanks Mumen Rider for that second donation, you're really a great guy. Thanks to Frotman who just donated too. Glad you're enjoying the show. And Charanko's confirming what I thought: any contact with him and we're dead and the game restarts on the drawbridge. Yeah, it must be a pain in the ass to go through the whole castle again and have to watch the cinematics again and again every time we lose. Well, I'm just guessing. Since I never lose."

The villain is roaring with laughter, shouting that she will never make it alive and he's going to devour her soul like he did for all the souls of this kingdom's people. He increases the twisted gravity and adds mortal waves that force King to move very cleverly not to get touched.

Now, the walls and windows can't resist the pressure. Everything collapses and big blocks of stone and marble fall to the evil king.

"That's it, that's the thing!"

Sklea pulls the scepter out of the ground even if it means falling right to her death. But she manages to jump from block to block, using them as a brief support to bounce. She jumps to stay out of reach and in the same time uses her two hands to wield her scepter and throw her most destructive magic attacks to the enemy in powerful blasts.

"Haha, according to Saitama, if just now I had stayed hanging on my scepter for a second more, I would have been crushed by a block. Good to know."

King unleashes a train of extra powerful attacks on the final boss until the castle is destroyed to the ground. Gravity comes back to normal and debris and dust fall back like gray rain. The villain's attacks are now different.

"Oh. That's vicious as hell. He's now using laser attacks and sound waves that either slow down time or reverse it on anything coming in contact. I'm done if it ever touches me, I'll be too slow to defend myself and dodge lasers."

The fight keeps going for a while because the evil king keeps regenerating himself in this realistic setup. Almost every thirty seconds, a new donation is raising up King's money meter, and every time he half-smiles and thanks the donor.

"Ok, I'm starting to see what combination I have to make to kill him. First fire, then explosive bullets, then water, then electricity, and pure energy to finish. Every other order and he regenerates."

King applies his theory and he was right. The villain howls at the final attack, and Sklea finishes him off by striking him with her scepter and saying: _This, is for my sister_ _!_

Cinematic. The epic music is replaced by a sad melody we can barely hear.

The soulless king collapses on the ground and cries in agony, his shadow body falling to pieces. Sklea stares down at him dying, a cold and merciless glimmer in her eyes.

 _I curse you for seven generations_ _!_ the king hisses, raising a hand trembling with rage at her. _Your lineage will be marked by your sullied soul, for the sin you commi_ _t_ _ted by murdering your sister and your father, and someday the fruit of your blood will end what I started_ _!_

He drops dead and Sklea flinches in pain, palming her forehead where a strange dark mark is being carved into her skin. She touches it with the tip of her fingers in disbelief, then looks up as the sky clears and plants and flowers grow on the castle's ruins.

The camera zooms out slowly until Sklea is just a tiny spot in the kingdom's landscape coming back to life. King who was holding back his breath gives out a shaky sigh and wipes his tears while post credits start scrolling down with the soft ending music.

"There, this is the end of Black Spirit 3. Thanks for watching, I really enjoyed playing that game. Given how it ends, I hope the next opus will be about that curse's effects on her. Or about one of her descendants, since the evil king said her lineage is cursed for seven generations. Maybe it will overlap with the characters and events of Black spirit 1 that happened a hundred years later than what we just saw."

Now, we can see on the screen a short silent scene in post-credits in which Sklea, draped in her black cloak and her face hidden in her hood's shadow, is putting down flowers on her sister's gravestone. She meditates for a moment then gets back on her horse and rides to the horizon under the light of the three suns. Without looking back, like a lonely warrior.

King gives out a heartbreaking sigh as she disappears in the horizon, before he goes back to his usual stern face. He stares at the webcam and waves goodbye.

"Thank you all for the donations, we gathered quite a lot of money tonight that I'll give to medical research. I'll let you know about the next let's play I'll do. Bye."

* * *

 **Too lazy to find a title - [8 minutes 24 seconds]**

The screen is saturated with light. Then becomes too dark. Little by little, the image and colors stabilize and the shape of a chest and shoulders appears. It's badly framed: all we can see is a shirt with the ideograms for « soy sauce » written on it, a keyboard, a mouse, a soda can and an empty cup of ramen. A hand approaches in close-up and readjust the webcam with crackling sounds.

The hand withdraws. Now the video is framing Saitama a bit too high, above his collarbones, which means his bald head is located at the bottom of the screen and we can see shelves full of mangas behind him.

He doesn't bother to straighten the webcam better than that and he stares at us blankly.

"Hi guys."

Wave of hand. He takes a few gulps from his soda can, staring at the camera. His throat moves each time he swallows.

At last, after a few more awkward seconds of him staring at us unblinkingly, with no way to know if he's bored, if he's thinking about what he's going to say, or if he just forgot he's recording, he puts down his can off-screen.

"So, I've been told I missed some stuff on Youtube those last few weeks when I was offline. MetalBat made me a compilation of videos I had to watch to keep me up to date. There were too many of them so I didn't bother watching it all and just saw a few minutes of each to get an idea of what happened."

He looks away and scratches his cheek with an annoyed expression.

"M'not sure I got it all, but apparently there's a shitload of videos about me and many of you sent hate mail to my old address. I guess you've got nothing better to do on your free time. Get a hobby, guys. Sonic-whateveryourname, you're just creepy. Tatsumaki, how come your parents let you use the internet unsupervised at your age? Genos, dude, stop calling me sensei and give me a break, for fuck's sake. Seriously, quit looking for a deep philosophical meaning in my videos or in the way I cook or eat a fucking ice cream, there's none. Making videos is just a hobby for me, s'all."

He would probably go on talking to Youtubers who made the videos he saw about him, but loud thumps cut him off and he glances somewhere off-screen. If we raise the sound and listen carefully we can hear in the background a voice saying _« H_ _ey_ _,_ _keep it down, there are people trying to sleep here_ _! »_.

"Sorry!" Saitama calls out.

He looks back at the webcam and speaks lower, forcing us to turn up the volume to hear him.

"Anyway with all that I'm famous now, so it's kinda cool. My videos received thousands of views and hate comments, and I got hundreds of new subscribers. Welcome y'all to my channel."

He doesn't smile, his face remains neutral.

"There have been plenty of rumors about my disappearance, and they're all wrong. I didn't move out because of Sonic or the letters. I didn't even got those since I had already left when you started sending them. I ain't dead, nor in the hospital, nor suicidal. You're overestimating how important you are if ya believe some videos and online comments will affect me. I had real life problems and way better things to do than lazing out on Youtube."

Saitama sighs and folds his arms tiredly.

"A few weeks ago, I realized I forgot to pay my taxes on time and I had to pay right away with a surcharge. On top of that, my landlady got fed up with my back rent and she threw me out just like that. I was on the street with all my stuff so I had no other choice but sell it all, even my laptop, to pay the taxes, eat and find a place to rent temporarily."

He shows around with a vague hand wave.

"I've been living in this tiny room in a manga café for a few weeks now. It's cheap, it's open 24/7 and people can sleep in there, take a shower, go online, watch videos and read as many mangas as they want. It was supposed to be temporary, just enough time for me to find a job and a new apartment, but…"

He shrugs resignedly.

"No one wants to hire me and landlords all want super expensive guarantee and a steady job. Thus I spent my time re-reading some classics to take my mind off stuff. I was so into it I kinda lost track of time. Look at it, this is all my childhood."

As proof, he bends down and disappears off screen for a few seconds, and proceeds to show us one by one various volumes of manga series.

Then he gives out a long sigh and starts biting his own nails nervously, frowning.

"T'was nice while it lasted, but now I'm running out of cash. This is the last night I can afford in here. I've got no money left and no idea where I'm gonna sleep tomorrow or what I'm gonna eat."

He lowers his head and takes it in his hands.

"Why is it so hard to find money to live? It sucks ass…"

He stays still for a moment just like that, his bald skull shining under the artificial light. Then he straightens his back and gives the webcam a long dispassionate look.

"Tonight I just wanted to take my mind off all this by watching King destroying on live the final boss of Black Spirit 3. Sorry for those who wanted to hurt me with their videos and hate mail, but to be honest right now I don't give a flying fuck."

He waves good bye and the video stops there.

* * *

 **[[COMMENTS]]**

 **DemonCyborg (45 minutes ago)**

Master, I'm very happy you watched my videos (this is Genos). I am your biggest fan.

 **Saitama (37 minutes ago)**

dude, dont call me 'master'

its creepier than 'sensei'

 **DemonCyborg (36 minutes ago)**

If you are looking for somewhere to live it would be an honor for me to host you in my house, teacher.

 **Saitama (32 minutes ago)**

… wat

no

no way

 **Saitama (32 minutes ago)**

and dont call me teacher

 **DemonCyborg (31 minutes ago)**

I would pay you, of course.

 **Saitama (27 minutes ago)**

srsly

whyd u do that

u want smthg gross in exchange or what

 **DemonCyborg (26 minutes ago)**

Only your participation to my vlog, sensei. Nothing could make me happier.

 **Saitama (22 minutes ago)**

who do u think i am

as if im gonna ever live at ur place for a few ¥

 **DemonCyborg (21 minutes ago)**

I will give you 100.000 yens per day.

 **Saitama (20 minutes ago)**

…

 **Saitama (14 minutes ago)**

ok

 **DemonCyborg (13 minutes ago)**

It's a deal. I will contact you by PM to give you my address. I will be expecting you tomorrow morning. I look forward living with you, Saitama-sensei.

 **Saitama (12 minutes ago)**

… why do i get the impression im gonna regret this -_-

 **MetalBat (1 minute ago)**

WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED HERE

* * *

 **Interview with Amai Mask – [22 minutes 16 seconds]**

Full-length view on Fubuki. She's impeccably dressed in a dark tailored skirt that highlights her feminine shape. She's holding a mike like a TV reporter and stands on a deserted sidewalk of what seems to be a wealthy area.

"We meet again today for a video that young ladies will love for sure. You know the drill: every month, I'm invited in the house of a celebrity who accepted to answer my questions. Unlike an ordinary interview, I don't have notes about the celebrity and there's no time limit set. The point is to create a cozy atmosphere to stimulate confidences. And today…"

With a knowing smile, Fubuki turns to a majestic gate surrounded by tall hedges perfectly trimmed.

"I'm standing in front of Amai Mask's house! And now has come the moment to meet him…"

She builds up suspense a bit longer, then ends up pressing the intercom's button and announcing herself. A butler's dry voice answers, asking her to wait just a moment.

The camera shifts to take in Fubuki's elegant profile and the gravel path we can see through the gate's stylized bars.

"Actor, singer, reality-show star, fashion designer, top model, creator of his very own brand of perfume and clothes, Youtuber… At 26 years old, everything Amai Mask touches turns to gold! He succeeds in everything he tries! But who is the man behind the fame, the talent and the wealth? Who is Amai Mask in the private sphere? That's what I'm going to find out for you!"

While she's talking, Amai Mask's slender figure appears in the path, blue hair flowing in the wind and hands in his white pants' pockets. He's walking to the gate with no rush, the first buttons of his purple shirt are open, revealing his collarbones and a hint of his hairless chest.

"Welcome to my humble residence, Fubuki," he says in a languid voice that will for sure make his most emotional fans swoon. "I was waiting for you."

He opens the gate and bows gracefully to kiss the Youtuber's hand, his blue hair brushing against her wrist.

"Nice to meet you, Amai Mask. It's an honor to interview such a world-wide famous celebrity!"

The camera follows them on the path to film statues, flowerbeds, a fountain, and the palace looming on the horizon. Then, with a bit of editing magic, they're standing right in front of the entrance and Amai Mask is opening the door.

"You started acting in tv shows at five years old," Fubuki says, holding her mike to him. "Have you felt your true calling that early in your childhood?"

As he's showing them the front hall and its marbled floor, Amai Mask seems to give it some thought and throws his blue hair back.

"I have always been drawn by beauty. I like to give the world my voice, my face and my body as a present. What is the point of living without beauty? Life wouldn't be worth living if ugliness was all we had. Follow me, I'll show you the kitchen."

"You won your fans' heart in television, movie theaters, fashion shows, concert halls and now on Youtube… There's no stopping you!" Fubuki smiles cheerfully.

They enter a kitchen so huge it's probably at least twice as big as the apartment of most viewers watching this.

"What can I say, I'm always looking for new ways to please my fans, to get closer to them and give them my time. I love my fans more than anything."

He gazes directly at the camera as he says these words, and discretely winks – which for sure will elate his devoted fans.

"What a gorgeous kitchen!" Fubuki says with wonder as she looks around her. "Do you cook your own food and do you have employees to do it for you?"

Amai Mask leans languishingly against the kitchen island, striking a pose.

"I actually enjoy cooking, believe it or not. If my passion wasn't already music, fashion and acting, I'd probably have become a chef. The tragic thing is…"

Dramatic pause. Sad sigh.

"I have no one to share my cooking masterpieces with. Loneliness can be so painful sometimes, despite all the money and fame…"

Fubuki's smile widens and she shares a knowing look with the camera.

"So no woman ever managed to win your heart? Yet you are the archetype of the romantic lover. All of your songs are about love, and in dramas you almost always play the role of a man madly in love."

Amai Mask nods, showing off his best profile to the camera and looking dark and tormented.

"I like the idea of love, and I dream of the day I'll find my soulmate. I have loved with too much passion a long time ago, and I got hurt. Maybe one day I'll open my heart again for a woman who will know me and love me…"

"Maybe one of you, who knows?" Fubuki whispers at the camera with an arched eyebrow.

Amai Mask makes Fubuki some tea and talks about his cooking skills for a while, then they leave the kitchen to visit the rest of the palace, both holding a teacup. After they showed the bedroom that many fans of the singer will dream about for years, they walk into a beautiful indoor garden under a glass roof.

"Now let's talk about your next drama, _A Lawyer's Heart_ , in which you'll play the lead role… The trailer will be released next week and for now we don't have a lot of informations. Can you tell us what the show will be about?"

Thoughtful, Amai Mask gently caresses one of the gorgeous flowers with the tip of his fingers.

"When my agent showed me the script, I found the role interesting and immediately accepted it. I'm playing the role of a young and very skilled lawyer who has principles. He only accepts to defend innocent people and victims of bad men who are used to get away with anything. I can't tell you more without spoiling you, but his tragic past made him want to get justice and throw in jail the powerful men who think themselves above the law. And…"

He pushes a lock of hair behind his ear and gazes at the camera seductively.

"… there will be a very passionate love triangle between him, his childhood crush who happens to be also his secretary, and a client he will meet in the first episode. Of course there will be other women who will fall for his charm, even though my character will be too emotionally damaged to open himself up to love."

"A bit like you?"

Amai Mask smiles.

"I guess the best actors are drawn by roles they feel an intimate connection to."

They leave the garden and return to the living room where hundreds of guests could easily fit. In this luxurious setting, a huge television screen is plastered against a wall and surrounded by shelves of dvds in which Amai Mask has played a role. Posters figuring Amai Mask are framed on the other walls.

"It was a pleasure and an honor to meet you, Amai Mask. To end this video, do you have any project you could share with us? Actors or actresses you'd want to share the screen with, for example?"

The young man pushes back his hair with a sigh, and the movement reveals a bit more of the hairless skin of his chest under the half-open purple shirt.

"Well actually, I had considered offering Genos to play a co-star role with me on my next movie. I had noticed this very promising Youtuber's beauty and popularity, and I'm sure he would make a great career in fashion, music, movies and television. Unfortunately, I had to review my judgment a few weeks ago."

"Oh, you mean, about the fact that he deleted his own travel channel to dedicate himself to study, uh… rather _obsessively_ … another Youtuber?"

Amai Mask nods somberly, almost sadly, as if it was a tragedy.

"What a shame. It's painful to me watching such a promising young boy ruin his own future, waste his money, destroy all opportunities and reject his own fans…"

"Indeed, Genos's fans are devastated. But personally I'm still holding on to the hope that this is only a fleeting madness that will pass. I enjoyed his travel videos around the world and I wish him to continue those."

Amai Mask shakes his head with a pessimistic sigh.

"I'm afraid there is no hope left for Genos. I heard last night rumors about him inviting that ugly and bland bald man to live in his home starting today…"

Fubuki bursts of laughter, like this very idea is absurd.

"I wouldn't worry about that, I'm pretty sure this is just a hoax! There's no reason to believe gossips from Youtube comments. Genos has yet to confirm on his channel, so I don't believe a word of it!"

"I hope you're right," Amai Mask smiles and bows down to courteously kiss her hand. "I've been pleased to meet you, Fubuki. You do justice to your reputation and I hope we will get to make new videos together in the future."

Fubuki thanks him. The video now shows them biding farewell with one of Amai Mask's love song and violin as music background. Then, the video ends with Fubuki outside, alone once more in front of the closed gate:

"So this was Amai Mask for our monthly star interview! Next month, we'll get to meet King, the most popular Youtuber with dozens of millions of subscribers all around the world! Please subscribe, like and leave a comment below if you enjoyed the video!"


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's notes** **:** I know the chapter in french has been updated a while ago, I'm sorry the translation took me so long. I'm so busy at work I can't translate there anymore, and when I go home I'm too tired to write or translate or draw anything. But I finally did it, yay! And my betareader **CloudFactory** has been extra quick at proofreading it all so I can update tonight. Thank you for your patience, for the nice reviews ( **Mika** and **Justacuriouskitten** ), and enjoy! :D

 **oOo**

* * *

 ** **My first day with Saitama-sensei [[LIVE]]****

A badly framed table's corner. The image is blurry, but a hand wrapped around a steaming cup can be seen.

"So that's what you do for a living? You film yourself live on Youtube and you wait for people to give you money?"

The image comes into focus and rises up – it seems that someone just picked up the camera. Now we can see Kuseno taking a sip from his cup, staring straight at us.

"No, uncle Kuseno. My fans don't need to pay to watch me, Youtube is paying me with the money from the ads. The more people watch my videos, the more I get paid."

Kuseno lifts an eyebrow, looking intrigued.

"Oh? And how many people are watching you?"

"Look for yourself."

The camera shifts, taking in the ceiling for a short second and trembles as it changes hands. This time, Genos appears on screen, his green eyes gazing into the camera with his usual intensity. It would seem like they are in traditional japanese living room, sober but refined – Genos is sitting on the tatami floor, his elbow resting on the low table. He is fidgeting with his cup of tea, looking unusually nervous.

"Incredible!" Kuseno says, holding the camera to center his nephew the best he can. "I see there are more than two thousands people watching!"

Genos doesn't seem very impressed by the number, though. He glances at something off-camera, his hand tightening around the cup.

"It's just getting started. We'll wait for more people to join in before I start explaining."

"How come so many young people are already on Youtube so early on a sunday morning? Don't they have better things to do?"

Genos shakes his head and sighs.

"My subscribers get a notification each time I livestream or post a new video. Also, yesterday night I revealed on Twitter that I would make an important announcement on live this morning."

"Those social networks for the youth are amazing. Twitter's a bit like Facebook, am I right? Maybe I should get down to it too, live with the times and try to get a better understanding at what you're doing to entertain your fans. Oh, there are now twelve thousands watching! Hello, young people!"

The camera turns around and briefly shows Kuseno's face and bowl cut in close-up as he waves happily at everyone watching.

"Ok, let's start. It is time… _he_ should be there soon."

"Roger that, Genos-kun! On you in three, two, one… Go!"

Kuseno turns the camera toward his nephew again. Genos is seated in _seiza_ with his back straight and his hands closed to fists on his knees.

"Good morning to you all."

"They say hello back," Kuseno says, sounding fascinated. "Oh my, there are so many messages I can't read them all! I see many people saying they love you. Lots and lots of tiny hearts and smiling faces too. Oh, and marriage proposals!"

Unblinking, Genos calmly keeps talking:

"I will be direct with you. There have been rumors running around since yesterday, and this video's title says it all: it is true. The Youtuber Saitama will indeed come live with me at my uncle's starting today."

"Saitama? Is that the boy you told me about, the one for whom I prepared the guest room?"

Genos nods.

"Yes. He is going through a rough time due to financial difficulties so I offered him a place to stay and wages, in exchange from what he will take part in my vlog. Thank you for agreeing to take him in, uncle Kuseno."

"He will be most welcome. Your parents and I are worried about you, you know. You're always so lonely, Genos-kun, I'm happy to see you making friends with someone your age."

Genos looks away bashfully, his cheeks flushing red.

"I make no pretense to being his friend. I am fully aware that Saitama is going to meet me and live here only because he has no other choice. But I never once thought I would get to meet my idol in the flesh, let alone make videos with him, so this is like a dream coming true. This live video will last for the whole day so you will all be able to watch us interact with each other for the first time."

The front doorbell cuts them short and Genos looks up sharply.

"That would be your friend coming," Kuseno says, turning the camera in that direction. "I hope he likes sushis, I ordered some for lunch!"

He's filming his nephew again as they both get up. Genos who is usually so stoic and expressionless looks all flustered now. He's restlessly smoothing his shirt's sleeves, throwing panicked looks at the front door, and combing back his blond hair with his fingers.

"How do I look, uncle?"

"You look a bit nervous, Genos-kun, but very handsome, don't worry. Your fans surely seem to think so too. Oh look, now there are twenty thousands persons watching this live video! I never would have thought that so many people would want to watch my nephew welcoming a friend to my home. I really don't get the young generation."

Kuseno follows Genos closely, and the camera shakes with every step as he's framing the back of his nephew's neck in close-up. He manages to adjust the focus and film a wider angle just when Genos closes his hand around the front door's knob and takes a deep breath in to gather his courage.

Kuseno is probably handling the camera at arm's length: now we have a view of Genos's determined profile and the door opening to reveal their guest on the landing.

Saitama is wearing a bland t-shirt and a khaki shorts and the only luggage he is carrying is a plastic bag hanging at his wrist. The morning sunlight is shining on his bald head and he looks somewhat wary, his eyes narrowed into slits.

"Hi," he mumbles, raising a limp hand as greetings.

"Pleased to finally meet you, Saitama-sensei! Thank you for coming, I am forever grateful that you accepted my offer! Welcome in my uncle's humble home!"

Genos basically shouts his polite phrases at the top of his lungs while bowing stiffly before a bemused Saitama who stares at him like a madman.

"Huh…"

His eyebrow twitches and he swallows hard.

"So you were serious? You _actually_ mean to pay me to crash at your place and take part in your vlog?"

Genos straightens his back with his cheeks on fire and nods fervently.

"Of course! It is a huge privilege for me to meet you and help you! Please come in, make yourself at home!"

"Okay… You're even weirder IRL than on Youtube, but okay."

Saitama looks away and rubs the back of his neck, obviously embarrassed. Genos steps back and makes a gesture to invite him in – Kuseno moves back to film Saitama's first steps into the house.

Saitama glances at the camera and widens his eyes.

"Oh wow, is that a Canon EOS 80D? That stuff costs an arm and a leg!"

The camera focuses on Saitama's flabbergasted face and Genos leading him inside, positively beaming. In years of videos on Youtube, his fans have never seen him look so happy before.

And then, the image freezes and the sound stops.

It is probably a data transmission issue, or your wifi connexion screwing up, or Youtube crashing down because of everyone rushing in to watch this video. Anyway this is the risk of livestream, you can find comfort by thinking about the thousands of other people stuck just like you, raging in front of their frozen screen, wondering what is happening right now in Genos' uncle's house.

When the video starts moving and the sound comes back a few minutes later, they are not in the entrance anymore, but in a bedroom. It would seem Kuseno let the two young Youtubers alone: Genos is the one holding the camera now, as you can see by looking at their reflection in the mirror.

"… no need to be so formal, Genos," Saitama sighs, looking jaded. "I should be the one thanking you. Without you I'd be homeless right now."

Genos's reflection in the mirror smiles and the camera's angle shifts. We can't see the mirror anymore, only Saitama who looks around him with a neutral face hard to decipher.

"This room is yours for as long as you want, Saitama-sensei. There is a computer with a webcam at your disposal so you can keep making videos for your channel. I will let you settle in, and I will call you when lunch is ready."

Saitama drops his plastic bag on the desk and nods as Genos leaves the room and quietly closes the door behind him. Once he is alone in the corridor, he turns the camera around to film his own face. His eyes are sparkling with joy and he barely refrains a grin.

"Finally. Saitama-sensei is now living with me."

* * *

 **I got a new landlord… [4 minutes 56 seconds]**

The sound crackles when the image appears slanted and partly obstructed with blurry fingers in the foreground. It seems like the webcam is in someone's hand. It alternately focuses on the fingers and the background behind, as if not sure what it is supposed to concentrate on. It is less than ideal but you can still somehow see an impersonal but clean bedroom: there is already a futon unfolded on the floor, a computer on a desk, a cupboard and a window.

"Well, uh… This is my new home. For now, at least. I don't know how long I'm gonna stay here."

The camera turns upside down and the screen darkens completely, the lens obstructed by the palm of the hand. Some more crackling sounds, and the image comes back way clearer when Saitama's hand withdraws. He probably just fixed the webcam back on top of the computer's screen, because now we can see him sitting at the desk with the usual bored and neutral look on his face. There is a faint halo around him, sunlight pouring from the window a few feet behind him. Through the window, only blue sky and a few tree's branches can be seen.

"I'm too lazy to explain, but I'll sum up what happened since my last video: I left the manga café and now I'm living with DemonCyborg aka Genos. I've been told he's a celeb on Youtube and got plenty of fans."

Vague shrug.

"Anyway all I know it that he made a few videos about me, and offered to let me crash at his place when he saw I was deep in shit. He's a bit weird, but I kinda expected worse. His uncle is kinda cool and knows his stuff about technology and computers. It's just temporary, at least I'm not on the streets."

Saitama heaves a tired sigh and rests his elbow on the desk to lean his chin on his palm.

"I'm not used to people helping me and generally being that nice to me for no reason. It makes me uncomfortable to let Genos give me all that money, it feels like I'm taking advantage of him and his weird obsession over me."

Saitama looks away and stares into the void for a while, expressionless and lost in thought. If you're paying close attention, your eyes are drawn to a stealthy shadow at the window behind him. For a fleeting moment you can see Sonic's face and the tree's branches waving where he's grabbing them to spy through the glass window. Totally oblivious, Saitama raises his eyebrows as if he just remembered something important, and reaches out to take something off-camera and bring it in front of him. It is the tiny pot cactus – it still looks healthy despite having spent weeks in a dim manga café.

"Spike's still with me, by the way!" Saitama says with a hint of a naive smile. "It's the only thing I haven't sold out when I left my apartment."

By the time he carefully puts down the cactus on the desk so it will be framed, Sonic is gone.

"The good thing is that I'm not homeless, but I'm still at the same point. I still got to find a job and an apartment. I don't know what the future holds for me, but I can't picture myself getting up every morning to work at a boring place and do stuff I don't care about with people who hate my guts. I don't want to be like my dad and spend my life waiting for the week end to live."

Saitama looks up grimly at the webcam and waves goodbye.

"If anyone's interested, I'll take part in Genos' vlog. Bye, guys."

* * *

 **You'll never guess! [[LIVE]]**

The live has been going on for one or two hours already when you join in. What brought you to click there? Who knows. Perhaps you were watching videos of kittens and ended up sinking into Youtube's depths. Perhaps you are one of Sonic's subscribers, in which case you have to be a bit of a weirdo. Or maybe you heard of this live through Genos' fans raging on Twitter right now, because rumors spread like wildfire on the Internet.

But the fact is that you are here, behind your screen, watching Sonic who clings on to a gutter and leans on to take a look through the window. The house he's climbing on only has two floors so if he were to fall he would probably just sprain his ankle or something. But still, you feel quite uneasy watching this if you have vertigo.

"Look at that."

Like always with Sonic's videos, he's got a camera attached to his forehead to film what he's seeing, while a gear with a sort of perch fastened to his shoulder offers a view of his face on a frame in the left corner of the screen. His androgynous face is currently scowling. Sonic narrows his eyes and stretches his neck so we get a better look at what he's looking at through the window.

Inside, there is a japanese style living room with tatamis on the floor and a low table – Genos, his uncle and Saitama are sitting there, eating sushis for lunch. Saitama looks put out when his chopstick snaps in half in his hand. We can't hear a thing, but it looks like Genos and Kuseno are telling him not to worry about it.

"Not only my nemesis Genos acts like he has totally forgotten me, but he invited in his home my new rival, that eggheaded Saitama. In a few weeks only his lame and badly framed videos gathered way more views than mine did in three years time! This is unacceptable! I spend days working on my scripts, I use all my money to get the best equipment, I do all the montage with a software I created myself, and still I have less subscribers than a baldy slacker and Genos who deleted his channel and looks down on his fans? Well if they're so popular, I might as well use them to get more views. If people want to see the playboy and his baldy, I'll get them some."

He leans on a bit more, reaching out to slowly open the window, just a bit, to listen to the people he's spying on.

"So I heard you make videos on Youtube too, Saitama-kun?"

Saitama looks up from his plate with his mouth full and stops stuffing his face to stare at Kuseno, chewing.

"Itsh chusht…"

He swallows and starts again in a flat tone:

"It's just a hobby. I've been watching and commenting videos on Youtube for years so one day I just thought, well, why not make videos too. That's all."

Kuseno looks at him with warm eyes and nods.

"Really? According to my nephew, it is an actual job. His parents had a hard time getting used to it at first, but all that matters is that he does what makes him happy."

"Yeah, I guess…"

"Anyway, I'm glad to know my nephew made a friend thanks to Youtube! Here, have some more soy sauce, Saitama-kun."

Genos suddenly turns his head to the window with sharp eyes, and Sonic scrambles back, clinging on to the gutter and holding back his breath. Nothing happens, though.

"I don't think he saw me…"

He takes the risk to stretch his neck once more and take a look inside. Kuseno is now asking questions to Saitama about his parents and gets a vague answer about a divorce, a second marriage and a new family for his mother, and too much work at the office for his father who doesn't care that much about what his son is doing with his life. Genos is gazing longingly at his idol and hanging on every word he says, so he probably didn't notice anything.

A maniacal grin spreads on Sonic's face.

"So, what do you say we sabotage their cohabitation? Hehehe…"

* * *

 **My first day with Saitama-sensei [[LIVE]]**

A single eye in close-up. It moves back, and the camera auto focuses on Saitama's neutral face invading a big part of the screen. We can barely see the metallic shelves in the background behind him.

"Ah. I think it's working again."

He moves further back and flops down gracelessly on a chair. Sitting just next to him, so close their shoulders touch, Genos is staring intensely into the camera.

"Sorry for this interruption due to the bad connection," he declares, straightening his back. "We are now going to answer your questions on live like many of you have been requesting."

If the volume is high enough on your computer, you hear the clicking sound of the mouse. Together, the two young men turn their eyes in the same direction. They are probably looking at a second screen to read the online chatroom. Saitama's eyebrows shoot up and he looks taken aback.

"You got so many people ready to watch you all day long, Genos? Seven thousands three hundred fifty seven… and still growing!"

A smile softens Genos' face as he turns his head to gaze at Saitama with… fondness? Devotion? Wonder? Hard to tell, each one of you will have to make up his own mind.

"I usually don't get that many for a live. They are here for you, Saitama-sensei, to see the both of us together."

Saitama seems more than skeptical about that. He frowns and points an accusing finger at the live chatroom.

"Yeah well, for some reason I don't think these tiny hearts and marriage proposals are for me."

His scowl deepens as he leans on to squint at the screen, looking both put out and envious now.

"Seriously though, this is so unfair! Why do you get all those girls throwing compliments and love declarations at you, while all I get in my videos' comment section are trolls and haters?"

The smile on Genos' face is gone and he glances at the chat disinterestedly.

"All those girls care about is how I look and not who I really am. It doesn't mean anything to me."

Saitama gives him a cross look, not hiding his envy.

"And you don't even realize how lucky you are. Anytime if you want to switch places. I'll land you with the gross haters hiding behind their screen, and I'll take the girls, the hearts and the compliments."

"If this is what you want in your videos' comments, Saitama-sensei, I will make sure to leave you plenty of hearts next time."

Saitama blinks and stares bemusedly at Genos who looks dead serious.

"Huh…" Saitama hesitates, knitting his brows. "Thanks, I guess."

Genos nods with dignity and interlocks his fingers under his chin, throwing a sharp glance at the camera.

"Before we start answering your questions, I would like to remind those who just joined us that I invited the Youtuber Saitama to live with me and we will run a daily vlog together. Ask us any question you want, but know this: I won't hesitate banishing anyone showing any kind of disrespect."

As Genos talks, Saitama looks bored and shoves a chewing-gum into his mouth and starts chewing loudly like a cow.

"Icecream_Patatoes asks how long is Saitama going to stay at my home. Well I would say…"

"For as little time as possible."

"For as long as possible."

Genos and Saitama spoke at the same time, and share a brief look. Genos looks like he's about to say something, but Saitama cuts him short as he glances at the live chatroom.

"Hey, Notice_me_Senpai asks if you're gonna make travel videos again some day."

Genos narrows his eyes and stares at the camera:

"It's not impossible. From now on, I intend to dedicate myself entirely to the vlog, and everything I do will be together with Saitama-sensei. If there is any travel at all, it would be with him."

Saitama is blowing a bubble of chewing-gum, making it grow, and grow more, until his head can no longer be seen, and…

"Saitama-sensei!"

Losing his composure, Genos stares flabbergasted at Saitama whose face is covered in sticky gum now that the bubble has exploded.

"Let me help you, sensei!"

And here, in front of thousands of viewers, Genos takes a handkerchief and helps Saitama cleaning his face. At this moment, while a very focused Genos is leaning toward Saitama's face to clean it, a deafening alarm blares out, saturating the video's sound. All viewers can now watch them shouting words, but they can't hear what they're saying. However, if you know how to read on lips, you will learn that there is a fire upstairs and that Kuseno installed the alarm system himself.

Genos' hand appears on close-up and the screen turns upside down when he grabs the camera. They both run through the basement and rush to climb the stairs. The camera's shaking like hell but steadies again when they reach the second floor and dive into thick smoke that makes them cough.

"Uncle?" you can hear Genos' voice but can't see him.

"In the guest room!" another voice answers from afar.

The camera moves through the smoke, filming only shapes of the furniture and walls as they rush into the corridor. When they go into the room, the video clears. The smoke dissipates through the wide open window. The camera briefly shows Saitama's expressionless face, then Kuseno who is holding a fire extinguisher splattering water and foam on the flames burning the desk, then on Genos' and Saitama's feet. They're now all deep into about a meter high of foam.

"I don't know what happened. Everything went ablaze all of a sudden."

Genos straightens the camera to film his uncle scratching the back of his neck, staring confusedly at the extent of the damage. The desk is burned to a crisp and suddenly crumbles into ashes before their eyes. All there is left of the computer is a smoking shell, and the wall are blackened.

"The only thing I could save is this. Here, Saitama-kun, I think it's yours."

Saitama's eyebrows shoot up when Kuseno holds out his unharmed pot cactus.

"Spike!" Saitama smiles with obvious relief, taking it into his hands.

The camera turns over, and Genos' tense face appears as he films himself at arm's length.

"It reeks of gasoline. This is no natural fire, and I think I know what happened…"

"I am really sorry about this incident, Saitama-kun. This was the only guest room and now it's trashed…"

Genos narrows his eyes and turns the camera to film Kuseno who puts a compassionate hand on Saitama's shoulder.

"Meh, it's okay. I can sleep on a futon on the kitchen's floor, I don't mind."

"Out of question, Saitama-sensei!" Genos cuts him short vehemently. "Please share my bedroom with me, it is big enough for the both of us!"

Not letting him any time to answer, Kuseno smiles happily and taps Saitama's shoulder.

"Well it's settled then! I am going to fetch a mop and deal with this. You young people, go have fun!"

And then he quits the trashed guest room, leaving the both of them alone.

"Does it suit you, Saitama-sensei?"

Saitama unexcitedly looks straight at the camera.

"Meh. Why not. I've gone this far."

* * *

 **Let's sabotage my rival and my nemesis! [[LIVE]]**

Infrared camera. We can see a silent living room all in shades of green. Like always on Sonic's channel, the main camera is showing what he's looking at, while another one is filming his face. His eyes appear white and bright, and a treacherous grin is splitting his face.

"Finally, I'm inside," he whispers, looking around him. "I could break in through the bathroom's window they had left open."

Moving like a shadow in the darkness, Sonic plasters his back against a wall and stretches his neck to take a look at the corridor. A ray of light is filtering under a closed door, and it looks blindingly bright for the sensitive camera.

"The old man has gone to bed. Saitama and Genos are both in the bedroom and the live stream has been over for an hour now. They have no idea what is going to hit them."

His grin widens like a shark's, showing his teeth.

"The fire failed, but I found another way to stop them from stealing all the subscribers. Kh kh kh…"

His snigger is even more disturbing than his grin. He walks stealthily pass the corridor and goes into the kitchen.

"We will see if they manage to make a livestream tomorrow when they're…"

He holds in front of the camera what looks like a medicine bottle. Painted in shades of green, black and white, his hand looks like a ghost's.

"… under the effect of the most powerful laxative I could find!"

Light floods the screen when he opens the fridge's door and sniggers as he starts pouring laxative inside a bottle of juice.

"In the next 24 hours I'll prepare a nice virus to screw up their computers. Or hack into Genos' bank account. Let's see if he still wants to put up with a bald parasite once he's completely broke… Oh, I have so many, _so many_ ideas! Kh kh kh kh!"

In the light radiating from the fridge, it is hard to distinguish his features, but it is obvious by the sound of his voice that he's gloating.

Once he has emptied all the laxative, he gets up with a triumphant smirk. But when he turns around, he sucks in a startled breath. The fridge's door must have closed behind him, judging by the light fading and the infrared camera adjusting to film a very still Genos glaring coldly at Sonic with contained rage. He may be wearing _onigiri_ print pajamas, his eyes are positively frightening.

Sonic's smile falters and his face tenses up.

"G–Genos! What a pleasant surprise! You're not sleeping?"

He takes a step back and bumps into the fridge.

Genos narrows his eyes threateningly, and everything happens very fast. His hand shoots up and grabs Sonic by the collar so brutally the camera filming his face falls on the floor and now only frames their legs. Sonic's feet raise above the ground, his toes barely touching the kitchen's tiling.

"I thought I saw you through the window this morning," Genos hisses. "I subscribed to your channel to get an alert in case you started another live video… and when I saw you broke into my home, I called the police. They shouldn't be long now, and there are plenty of proofs in your video to put you in jail."

Through the infrared camera lens, Genos' eyes glow like two beacons and make him look like a murderous cyborg. Sonic can't utter anything but gurgling noises because of Genos' hand strangling him.

Genos' glowing eyes look up right into the camera.

"Listen carefully, you all. I won't let anyone hurt Saitama-sensei. _Ever_."

Interferences cloud the image, and the livestream stops altogether. There is no way to know for sure if that's because of a connection issue, low battery, or a brutal collision.

* * *

 **5000 subscribers! [6 minutes 51 seconds]**

"Hello everybody."

His face as expressionless as usual, Saitama waves at the camera to say hi. The video's quality is way better than what we are used to in his channel. His whole body is framed on screen – he's sitting cross-legged on a futon with a blanket printed with tiny hearts. He is barefoot and wears his striped pajamas. The same as usual. You might think he only own this one. Or maybe he has several pajamas looking exactly the same, who knows?

"I know it's because of the vlog I run now with Genos, but…"

A hint of a smile brightens his face.

"… I got five thousands new subscribers since the video I updated this morning. So… Welcome, I guess. I'd like to thank those who keep writing hate comments on my videos. Keep going, guys, you're making my popularity raise, that's pretty rad. A little more and I'll end up getting money with no efforts at all."

He leans on and his hand appears in close-up. The camera moves closer to Saitama until his face invades the entire screen.

"Genos lent me this laptop so I can keep making videos for my Youtube channel if I want to. So here I am. Let me show you the bedroom I'm sharing with Genos now, since the guest room went ablaze in a fire. If you watched the live you already know that, but oh well."

He shifts the laptop to film a clean and ordered room mixing both japanese tradition and western furniture. There is another futon on the floor, barely separated from Saitama's by a meter or so. There are also a desk with a computer, a dresser, and beautiful framed photos of landscapes on the walls. It seems like Saitama is currently alone in the room.

Now that he completed his tour of the room, Saitama points the webcam at his face again. His bald head is shining like a mirror under the bright ceiling lamp.

"I'm not sure what to think about all this yet. I only spoke to Genos for the first time yesterday night, and now I'm living with him and I'm gonna sleep in his bedroom. The situation is a bit weird, but heh, it's just temporary. I'll leave as soon as I find a job and a new apartment. I can't crash at a fan's place forever, even if he pays me."

His speech is interrupted by muffled sounds. Saitama glances at the window – the curtains are drawn.

"Sounds like there's something going on outside."

He gets up, leaving his laptop on the futon to film his bare feet walking away. They come back a few seconds later, and Saitama flops down on the futon.

"I don't know what's going on but there are cops outside arresting someone. Meh. It has nothing to do with me after all."

Off camera, the sound of a door opening.

"Saitama-sensei. I brought you tea."

Genos appears on screen, kneeling next to Saitama to gracefully and respectfully holds a cup of tea out to him.

"Ah. Thanks. What was all the fuss out there about? I think I heard some dude screaming, and the police was here."

"Nothing that deserves your attention, Saitama-sensei. Don't worry about it. Drink while it's warm."

Saitama takes the cup and looks back at the webcam.

"This is where I leave you guys. Genos and I are gonna watch a movie. Bye."

His hand comes close to the screen, and the video stops, freezing on Saitama's neutral face next to Genos who looks like he's bathing in pure happiness.

* * *

 **oOo**

 **[Author's note: There will be another Saitama & Genos live video in the next chapter, so if you want to fake-ask them a question, go wild, I might use it! And don't forget to mention a false Youtube user name if you do so. ^^]**


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's notes** **:** I no longer have a betareader for this story, but I hope it's still okay enough? Tell me if you notice typos or weirdly phrased sentences and I'll try to fix it.

Thank you all for the reviews and guest reviews! I did my best to use as many fake-asks and ideas you submitted, but there was so many I just couldn't stuff them all into the chapter, I'm sorry!

By the way, the fic ends in two chapters, so if you have some stuff you want to see happen before it's over, shoot! :p

 **oOo**

* * *

 **Saitama-sensei's incredible talent for getting good deals – [33 minutes 27 seconds]**

"So, Saitama-sensei… tell us why did you pick this store in particular even though it is located at the other side of town?"

The camera is filming the back of Saitama's bald skull – he's walking a few steps ahead with his hands in his hoodie's ventral pocket. They are all alone in the street of a residential area. There's a supermarket looming on the horizon.

"I already told ya earlier…" Saitama drawls. "And what's with the formal tone all of a sudden?"

Saitama glances over his shoulder and slows down to a full stop when he notices the camera. He turns around completely to stare at Genos with a blank look on his face.

"Ah. You're filming. Don't tell me you're gonna put this on Youtube."

The tone was flat so it probably wasn't even a question, but Genos answers anyway, his voice vibrating with excitement and passion: "This is an exceptional moment I had to capture and share with the subscribers, sensei!"

"Litterally no one else but you is interested in my shopping skills, Genos."

"You're wrong. I saw many comments on your videos written by people very eager to learn your secret to buy cheap and save money just like you."

"Whatever you say."

Saitama shakes his head wryly, but still the camera catches the hint of a smile grazing his lips just before he whirls around and resumes his walk toward the supermarket.

It takes Genos a few long strides to catch up with Saitama and film his profile as they walk side by side.

"This chain of stores recently went bankrupt," Saitama explains in a flat tone. "I'm always on the lookout for this kind of news through a RSS feed. Every time there's a store closing, it's a good opportunity to find some great deals since they're trying to sell off everything they got in stock at a cut-down price. Just look."

Saitama slips a hand out of his hoodie's ventral pocket and points at the banners showing « ALL AT 85 % OFF » in the supermarket's shop windows. His gaze gets intense and his features sharpen as he raises a finger.

"First. You have to turn up right at the opening in the morning, preferably in an outlying area or industrial zone. They'll have more stuff in stock and special offers."

He raises a second finger like some ancient master revealing the greatest secret of his wisdom.

"Second. To find the best deals, you better come twice: on the very first day of sales to swipe the real good bargains, then on the very last day when they lower the prices to get rid of the unsold items. And finally, the most important thing…"

They walk through the automatic doors opening up on their way. The artificial light floods the screen, and the camera takes a couple seconds to adjust. There is some background music floating around in the store.

Genos zooms in on Saitama's face when he takes a wad of colorful papers out of his pocket and brandish them proudly.

" _Coupons_."

"Fascinating, Saitama-sensei!"

"Every single day, I cut every discount I can find in the newspapers and magazines, and I mentally file them by date and area. Based on this, I plan ahead my shopping trips, I never miss a sales day without getting some profit out of it. It requires patience, organization and energy, but it's worth it."

They step between the merchandise racks and Saitama looks around and seems detached, but he's actually doing some recon.

"You mean you buy something every time there are sales or special offers? Even if you're interested in none of the items?"

Saitama nods as if that goes without saying.

"Of course. There's always a way to stock what's not perishable in anticipation for when I'm flat broke. And you've no idea how great a margin you can get when you sell some stuff online. As for food… There, watch this."

Saitama stops in front of a refrigerated display full of special discounts. He leans on and takes a pack of plastic-wrapped meat.

"The expiration date is for today. But nothing is stopping me from chopping it into pieces to put them in the freeze and make them last for months. How d'ya think I survived those last seven years? From time to time I'd take a gig for a few months just enough to gather some cash, and I lived on it as long as I could so I wouldn't have to go back working soon. I hate working."

"And yet, Saitama-sensei, the great length you go to in order not to work somehow is a full-time job in itself. You have business acumen and you know better than anyone how to take full advantage of a situation, these are rare qualities many employers are looking for."

Still holding his meat pack, Saitama looks at Genos and blinks slowly, as if the idea never once crossed his mind before.

"Yeah… Maybe you're right."

"MOMMY, MOMMY! WHY DOESN'T HE HAVE HAIR?!"

The camera zooms out to frame both Saitama and a kid behind pointing a finger at him – his mother is holding his hand and looks embarrassed, silently trying to get him to be quiet.

"Shhh sweetie. This man is bald, that's all."

"WHY IS HE BALD?" the boy insists, still pointing at Saitama.

The mother glances nervously at Saitama who just keeps comparing his coupons and items.

"Hold the camera just a second, sensei."

We barely have time to see Saitama raise his eyebrows before the screen goes blurry when Genos sticks the camera into his arms. The image is badly framed now and Saitama's fingers are blocking the view, but we can make out in a corner Genos walking straight to the mother and her child. Impossible for us to hear what he's telling them over the sounds of Saitama's fingers handling the camera to turn it over while still holding his bunch of coupons and several packs of meat and fish. Still, we can see the mother's face turn pale as she pulls her son closer to her, and the little boy stare at Genos in fright and stupor.

Then Genos whirls around and strides back like a soldier returning victorious from a mission, and takes back the camera. Immediately he films Saitama who's giving him an undecipherable look – something in his eyes has changed.

"Sorry for the interruption, Saitama-sensei. You were telling us about putting food in the freezer to make them last longer. Please continue."

Saitama silently stares at Genos for a couple more seconds before he nods and starts talking about dried seaweed's nutritional values. The rest of the video goes on like this, until they go to the checkout and pay a ridiculously low price for a full cart of food, clothes and other items.

* * *

 **FRUIT-SMASHING – PART 42 [8 minutes 17 seconds]**

The video starts with a shot of a fat white cat lying on tiled floor. Its fluffy tail – that could be mistaken for a feather duster – is curving at the end, and waving just enough to show slight annoyance. Its blue eyes are half open and look up at the camera. A tiny hand in the foreground is holding a toy, some kind of grey plush mouse swinging at the end of a thread, making it jump and wheel around the cast's head. The cat tracks it with its eyes in rapt attention and squints at it when the mouse brushes against its nose. It limply lifts a paw, but doesn't even try to actually attack the thing taunting it.

"Come on, Tama, just draw from your primal hunter instinct!" the sullen voice of a little girl says. "Please! Do it for your fans!"

But the cat lose interest for the toy and yawns so widely we get a perfect shot of its tiny white teeth and its throat. Then, it lazily closes its eyes and stretches on the floor, purring.

"Pfff, you're such a butterball! You're aware of your cuteness so you take advantage of us, you manipulative creature!"

The cat meows back insolently and rolls on its back to display its belly. The little girl's hand puts away the mouse and comes back to pet the cat, her fingers sinking into the white fluffy fur.

"Hey, Zenko!" we hear Metal Bat's drawling voice. "It's _me_ you're supposed to be filming, not Tama!"

The camera moves away from the cat and stops on the Youtuber's face – his upper lip is curling into a scowl. We can see now we're in a kitchen, and Zenko's figure is reflected in the window like it's a mirror – Obviously it's night outside. She's still wearing her school uniform and she's holding the camera with both her hands, looking as stubborn as her brother.

"This is the third fruits smashing video you've made this month. It's always the same thing. People are going to grow tired if you keep doing the same stuff, big brother. Many of them said in the comments they only want to see Tama and that's why they subscribed in the first place, not for your stupid bat."

Metal Bat narrows his eyes and probably is trying to look threatening and scornful but he's not fooling anyone – his subscribers all know how much he loves his little sister and would do anything for her.

"The destruction of fruits in slow-mo is my channel's biggest hit, just look at the views and likes! Anyone can film a cat, that's easy, but not everyone knows how to wield this beauty here."

As a demo, the young man grabs his bat and strikes an invisible target with a swift swooshing movement.

"Show-off," Zenko groans. "Go on then, give me the fruits!"

Metal Bat grins and holds a fruit basket out to his sister. Zenko zooms on it so we can admire apples, pears, oranges, melons, and there is even a watermelon and a pineapple.

Zenko's tiny hand snatches a red apple, feeling its weight in front of the camera before she points the camera at her brother who's getting ready, grabbing his bat with his two hands, ready to strike.

"Ready?" Zenko says, and we can see her reflection in the window when she raises the apple above her head, holding the camera with her other hand. "Here it comes!"

She throws the apple, Metal Bat strikes it mid-flight, and the blow makes it explode into a thousand pieces. It all happened so fast you didn't get a chance to see. Good thing there is now a replay in slow-motion. We see the apple crashing into the bat, distorting until it crackle and splits. Yet another replay in close-up on the apple, even slower. The explosion in slow motion is so beautiful it is almost artistic, mesmerizing.

The video goes back to normal speed and Metal Bat is grinning like a lunatic, brandishing his bat up high.

"APPLE SAUCE HOMERUUUUUN!"

He's got bits of apple in his hair, and the window behind him has been splashed with apple juice and bits.

"I threw it slowly, that was too easy!" Zenko snaps back, grabbing another fruit in the basket. "Try to catch this one!"

This time she throws an orange with more strength – but her brother wields the bat and easily smashes it into pieces. The two slow-mo replays show perfectly how the thick orange skin splits under pressure, juice splattering all around.

Once the melon, the pear and the pineapple have been taken care of too, the kitchen looks like a fruits battlefield, and Metal Bat has the equivalent of an entire fruit salad in his hair and high school uniform.

"And now…"

Zenko imitates the sound of a drum roll and puts down the camera on the table so it would film both her brother and herself and she lifts the gigantic watermelon with her two hands.

She really looks like she's enjoying herself now.

"… the highlight of the show!" she smiles as she brandish the fruit above her head. "It weighs at least three kilos!"

Swaying under its weight, the little girl sticks her tongue out and throws the watermelon with all her might.

And then, everything happens all at once. Right when Metal Bat wields his bat to strike the fruit, we hear a door opening and a woman's angry voice roar with the authority only a furious mother can display:

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!"

The mother's irruption makes Metal Bat waver and miss his target. The watermelon crashes into the window, smashing it completely. Brother and sister whirl around to face their mother – we can only see her back and her fists on her hips. They stare wide-eyed and Zenko has her hands on her mouth while Metal Bat is trying not so subtly to hide his bat behind his back.

"Mom, we thought you wouldn't be back until two hours?"

"YOU ARE GROUNDED WITH NO INTERNET! GO TO YOUR ROOM THE BOTH OF YOU!"

The camera drops and hits the ground, and the video ends with a perfect shot in close-up of the fat white cat lapping away the smashed fruits on the tiled floor.

* * *

 **Live answers to your questions! [[LIVE]]**

The image is blurry, but you can make out two human figures. Like it often happens on live, the quality is a bit low, and depending on how good the internet connection is doing, now and then it gets jerky or freezes altogether. Anyway, you have been waiting for this live video. Genos announced it on Twitter a few days ago, so you set up your alarm clock early this morning so you wouldn't miss a second of it.

For it is early. The sun is only starting to rise. As the image becomes clearer you can see every detail of the two young Youtubers sitting cross-legged on the futon and you notice that Saitama still looks sluggish. He's yawning widely, giving us all a great view of the back of his throat and his glottis.

"Did we really have to do this so early?" he mumbles once he's done yawning, eyes still puffy with sleep and narrowed into slits.

They're both still in pajamas. Saitama is all disheveled – there's a button undone on his striped pajamas revealing his collarbone – while Genos is looking just as handsome as usual while he's making the last adjustments to the webcam.

"We have a busy schedule today, sensei. There is a collab with Mumen Rider planned this morning, an urbex in an abandoned hospital this afternoon with Piko and Metal Bat, a video game battle with King tonight. This was the only available moment to make a live video for our subscribers."

Still drowsy, Saitama scratches the small of his back.

"I can't believe I thought I'd have it easy crashing at your place…"

Genos smiles happily, radiating with joy like he always is since Saitama started living with him.

"Our subscribers enjoy the diversification of our vlog, Saitama-sensei. It has been only two weeks since its creation and we reached a million subscribers. Many of them have questions and requested that we answer on live."

"Mh. Okay. What do they want to know?"

Genos and Saitama lean forward, shoulders brushing, as Genos points a finger at the screen.

"Just like they did last time, they will ask their questions directly on the live chat. Look sensei, they already started doing so."

Saitama narrows his eyes, scanning through the lines rushing down rapidly on the chat. There are already thousands of people online watching the live video. His face lights up with something innocent.

"Hey, someone's asking to see Spike. Just a sec, I'll bring him to ya."

Saitama leans off camera and comes back holding the tiny pot cactus in his hand. There has been some change since the last time we saw it: Spike is looking way better now, and it's wearing a tiny woolen hat as well as two googly eyes that somehow make it look human.

"Genos dressed him up and gave him some kind of potting soil made for cactus. Seems like I was watering him way too much, so now I'm careful."

Saitama gently puts the cactus between them – every movement makes the cactus' googly eyes roll around.

"There's another question for you, sensei!"

Saitama blinks in confusion.

"Really? I thought they'd all be all over you. You're the one the fangirls want. Me, I'm just the intruder they want to see get the hell out."

Genos frowns and his eyes flash fiercely.

"You are wrong, sensei! It is true my fans were upset when I deleted my channel to create this vlog with you, many have changed their mind about you those last two weeks! Look for yourself!"

Saitama looks skeptical but still glances at the chat.

"SusanaMode asks what would be my dream job. Mh." He ponders about it for a while, and then: "Not that long ago I'd have said none. But now… I dunno, since I've been making videos with Genos I'm thinkin' it'd be kinda cool to make a living as a full time Youtuber me too. I know it's not realistic but…"

Genos looks at Saitama like he thinks he hung the moon and stars.

"Nothing would please me more than keep running this vlog with you indefinitely, Saitama-sensei!"

Saitama gives Genos a sideways glance.

"Well y'know I can't squat in your bedroom forever…"

"Why not? We gathered a million subscribers in two weeks, this is a success!"

"Yeah but…"

Saitama frowns and glances at the live chat again, then points at the screen with his thumb.

"Perfect timing, net_voyager just said I should do some chores or stuff for you if I feel like a parasite crashing at your place and taking your cash. I mean it's really cool everything you've done to help me those last couple weeks, Genos, and you pulled me out of a crappy situation, but it makes me uncomfortable taking all from you and not giving anything in return. I feel like I'm taking advantage of you."

"Saitama-sensei…"

Genos gazes at Saitama intently, eyes shining with tears. He makes a fist dramatically.

"To have the honor to talk with you and see you every day is more than enough to fulfill me. You are my role model, I have been admiring you from afar and had no hope of ever becoming close to you. From my point of view, Saitama-sensei, I am the one taking advantage of your financial situation to get close to you. You don't have to feel guilty and you don't owe me anything, I am the only one to blame and I apologize for it. You are not taking advantage of me, it is the other way around. I could have just given you the money anonymously without getting into your life, but I was selfish, because I wanted to share my house with you, and I would have done anything to be close to you. And I would do it again without a second thought, because you are the best thing that ever happened to me."

Saitama stares wide-eyed at Genos, mouth hanging open. They share a long look like they forgot thousands of people are watching them on live.

"Huh…"

Saitama's voice is hoarse. He clears his throat, confusion still written all over his face as it smooths down into a more neutral expression.

"Ok then. I guess that makes us even."

Genos unclenches his fist and nods with a delighted smile.

"Exactly. Let's answer some more questions, we will need to get ready soon to meet Mumen Rider, time is running out."

"Ok, so here's another question… Hum. Tank_topping69 says: _Saitama_ _dude you look pretty fit, you got abs_ _?_ "

Saitama lifts an eyebrow. Genos looks a bit flustered.

"Uh… thanks?" Saitama scratches his cheek, looking confused. "Hey Genos, looks like people are interested in my abs. There's even a winking emoticon. You think it's serious or is it some kind of sick joke?"

Genos looks away, nibbling at his lower lip in embarrassment.

"I… think this is very serious, sensei. Ever since you posted that video on your channel in which you were half naked and ate an icecream, I noticed a significant number of this kind of comments on your videos…"

"Ah, I forgot you read all the comments on all my videos… Sometimes I wonder when do you find the time to do this."

Saitama looks back at the screen and shrugs.

"So, about whether I got abs or not. I don't do any sport but I'm always running around to get sales and carrying heavy stuff, so… I dunno, judge for yourself."

And with no hesitation, he lifts his pajamas' shirt to show his belly. Even though he's sitting down and slouching, we can see the outlines of his abs.

Two things happen all at once: Genos' face turns bright red, and the screen goes all black when he sharply flattens his hand on the camera to block the view. When his hand withdraws after three seconds, Saitama's pajamas are right on place again.

Obviously eager to change the subject, Genos who is still blushing leans forward to look for a new question to answer on the live chat.

"Next. Shizuka_23 wants to know what do I like most about Saitama-sensei. Excellent question, Shizuka. Thank you for asking."

His face softens and a smile grazes his lips.

"I made quite a lot of videos about this, but I never grow tired of praising Saitama's wisdom, intelligence and philosophy. Saitama-sensei is my mentor, he's the one who made me figure out the meaning of life. He has this courage of being truly himself that so many people don't. I used to admire this about him before I got to know him, but in those last two weeks I learned that he is open-minded, easy-going, passionate, curious and enthusiastic as well. He has a big heart, there is this innocence an strength in him altogether. To be near him transforms my world, and everything looks brighter in his company. Before I knew him, life felt meaningless and I only kept traveling and making videos to meet demand and be the person everyone else expected me to be. I found back my will to live and to plan the future thanks to him, and every day I spend with him makes me a better man."

"Don't you think you're overdoing it a bit?" Saitama asks sceptically.

"Not at all," Genos replies without blinking. "I am going to make you some green tea, I know you like a warm cup of tea in the morning, I will be right back, sensei."

Genos stands up and disappears off camera. Saitama follows him with his eyes until we hear the sound of the bedroom door closing. His gaze slowly returns to the screen and he takes the pot cactus on his knee to move closer and read the questions rushing down on the chat. There are now tens of thousands of people online.

"Well, while we wait, if y'all have more questions for me… Ah, sad-and-boujee asks: _you always have a bored expression on your face and you seem apathetic to mostly everything. I don't know any way to frame this question that won't sound impolite, but why are you like this? Is it depression?_ "

Saitama blinks, his face expressionless.

"Ah."

He looks up to stare directly into the webcam.

"I never went through some kind of trauma in my childhood, if that's what you're thinking. I've no idea if it's depression or something else, I've never consulted a shrink. It's just that… I dunno, everything has bored and tired me for as long as I can remember. Over the years, I just stopped forcing myself to express the emotions I didn't feel, 'cause faking it was so exhausting. My mother had started a new life somewhere with a better family, I had no siblings and no friends, and my father was always at work and saw me as a failure, so I had no reason to make efforts anymore. I dropped out of school at 18 and left to live on my own. I've always felt like… like I'm not interesting, socially ill-fitted, like I've got nothing to bring to others… Before Genos, no one ever took such an interest on me like that."

He lowers his eyes to check on the live chat, and blinks slowly in surprise.

"Wow guys, I've no idea how you manage to type so quickly, but I can't read, it's going too fast. Okay, next question from FujoshiGirl413 who copy-pasted it at least fifty times so I could see it: _Saitama, I'm not sure if you've noticed but like throughout all the years I've watched Geno's travel videos I have_ _never_ _seen him as happy as he is with you. Like that's superb adorbs, is there something there between you guys?_ Three winking emoticons."

As usual, it's hard to guess what Saitama is thinking, since his face remains blank. But if you're paying close attention, you'll notice his eyebrow twitching just a bit, and a drop of sweat sliding down his skull.

"Huh."

He looks away and scratches his cheek in embarrassment.

"I think you got the wrong idea, FujoshiGirl413. I've never watched Genos' travel channel before he deleted it, but I'm sure you're mistaken. Okay, he admires me for some obscure reason and thinks I'm some kind of great philosopher who figured out the meaning of life or whatever, but… but that's all. Eventually he'll understand I'm just a loser who dropped out of school and broke all ties with his family, and he'll move on."

Saitama lets out a resigned sigh and waves tiredly.

"Enough with this, next question. Hey, JadeliketheGem suggests we play « fuck marry kill » with names of Youtubers. For those who don't know the game, basically you give me three names and I have to say who I'm gonna marry, who I'm gonna kill and who I'm gonna have sex with. It's stupid but sometimes it's fun. Okay, let's do this, go on, choose three names."

He squints at the screen.

"So you picked… Genos, Tastumaki and Amai Mask."

Saitama scrunches his nose.

"Since Tatsumaki made a bunch of videos making fun of me and my baldness, the choice is pretty easy, she's the one I'd kill. Then…"

Saitama rubs his chin and takes a few seconds to think it over.

"I could never put up with Amai Mask in married life, his songs make my ears bleed and he's so full of himself. I don't care much about sex, but he's got nice hair, so I guess okay for some kind of one-night stand as long as I never see him again after that."

We hear the door opening just when Saitama says very seriously, staring into the webcam:

"And I'd marry Genos, obviously. He's cool, he's nice, we get along and we already kinda live together."

A crash of dishes makes Saitama blink and turn his head to glance at something off camera.

"You okay Genos? You're not hurt?"

"No, don't worry, sensei, I only dropped my cup. Yours is intact, here."

"Ah, thanks."

A hand appears, holding a steaming cup of tea. Saitama takes it and sips it while Genos sits down at his side again, red-faced and casting troubled glances at him.

"What were you talking about, sensei?"

"Oh, nothing, we were playing a game while waiting for you to come back."

Something that looks like disappointment flashes across Genos' face.

"I see. Mumen Rider just sent me a message to say he'll be ahead of time and he made breakfast for us."

"Cool! I can't wait to meet him, I've been watching his videos for years to cheer me up."

There's nothing neutral about Saitama's face right now as he smiles at Genos, his expression is open, relaxed and happy. Just looking at him seems to fluster Genos even more – he looks away and straightens his back.

"We need to end this live a little earlier than was planned, dear subscribers. But you will soon get new videos to watch, like tonight we will battle against King himself at a video game of your choosing. You have until tonight to vote on Twitter. Now, I will answer one last question before we go off line. Question from EerK23: _Genos,_ _is_ _Saitama_ _just your idol_ _? O_ _r_ _…_ "

Genos blushes even more and lowers his head, blond strands of hair veiling his gaze. His clenched fists shake on his knees.

"Or what?" Saitama leans over Genos' shoulder to take a look at the screen.

Genos swallows hard and moistens his lips before he forces out a strangled murmur:

"… _o_ _r do you have a crush on him_ _?"_

"What?" Saitama looks like he's not sure he heard it right.

Instead of answering, Genos gets on his feet so abruptly the webcam trembles.

"We are going to be late, Saitama-sensei. Go get ready, we are leaving in five minutes."

Immediately, Genos' hand appears in close-up and the live video ends like that, with no goodbyes or anything.

* * *

 **RAGEQUIT CONTEST – EPISODE 33: TOASTY (** **with** **Saitama & Genos ****as** **special guests [47** **minutes 38 seconds]**

King's face twisted with pure rage appears in close-up on your screen, hell fire burning in his eyes. Camera zooms out to show him screaming and throwing his game controller at the screen that shatters, while heavy metal blasts your computer's speakers. Letters made of lightning appear along with loud and furious thunder rumbling:

 _-RAGEQUIT CONTEST-_

Behind the letters, as the music roars with electric guitar, drums and hoarse shouting, you can see a succession of extracts of game King lost patience and started yelling in rage. You watch him biting into a pillow, tearing his hair out, destroying his games console, throwing his computer at the wall, smashing his chair against the ground frantically, rolling on the floor clawing his own face off, etc.

 _-THE ONLY GAMES KING CAN'T WIN-_

 _-BECAUSE IT IS-_

 _-HUMANLY-_

 _-I-M-P-O-S-S-I-B-L-E-_

The opening ends on a shot of King throwing a game in the toilet, flushing it, then forcefully shove it down with the toilet-brush when it won't go down.

Music stops, replaced by silence, which is quite pleasant for your ears after all that shouting. Now King is there, as calm and stoic as usual. Elbows on his desk and fingers entwined under his chin, he's staring right into the camera.

"This is King and welcome back to a new episode of Ragequit Contest, the series in which I play games that are impossible to finish without using cheat codes. Most of the time its games botched by the developers and riddled with bugs, or games made by amateurs, or even games you created on purpose to see me lose my temper. I know you love this, you sadistic little shits."

King smirks, then thoughtfully strokes his scars slashing his face from the forehead to the chin.

"This episode is a bit special. Those who follow me on Twitter already know I invited two guests who drew quite a lot of attention lately, Genos and Saitama. Saitama is one of my first fans, he's been following my channel since the very beginning and almost never missed my live games, but I never met him in real life. As for Genos, I watched one or two of his travel videos a few years back – I enjoyed his visit of the catacombs of Paris and his exploring of Alaska with the group of survivalists – but since he's not a gamer I never thought he would contact me to set up a collab. He's been running a vlog with Saitama those last two weeks, I put the link in the description below if you want to check it out and subscribe, they make plenty of fun videos and collabs with Youtubers. I hesitated a bit at first since I've never invited guests IRL before and I'm not close of Genos, but I know Saitama well, he's an amazing gamer who deserves to be known. It should be interesting. And if you enjoy the experience, I will invite more Youtubers here in the future. Well anyway, enjoy!"

The image melds into a shot framing the front door. There is a bell ringing, and King walks to the door to open it, revealing Saitama and Genos behind. They share some greetings and King asks if they didn't have trouble finding the place. He leads them inside while Genos tells him about the busy day they just had meeting up with Mumen Rider in the morning and Metal Bat and Piko in the afternoon.

They move to the living room – King's fans are already familiar with the place. The walls are covered with shelves loaded with video games, games consoles and action figures. The couch looks comfy and large enough for dozens of people to fit in. The tv screen is particularly impressive. Huge and curved, a real home-cinema. A games console is already set up, and three game pads carefully lined up on the coffee table.

And that's only King's room for recent games consoles. His fans know he has another room for retro and arcade games, yet another one for 4D games that require a lot of space, and then a soundproof room for PC games. His entire apartment is dedicated to video games – even the carpet on the living room's floor shows a giant game pad.

King leads Saitama and Genos to the couch, he sits them down and gives them peanuts and potato chips like a perfect host is supposed to. They have a bite for a few minutes while they talk about the earlier days of King's channel, with plenty of anecdotes and private jokes that for sure will delight the most hardcore fans and confuse the hell of the others – including Genos who looks like a fish out of water.

"Now, let's get down to business," King says, getting serious all of a sudden. "The rules are simple: first one to ragequit loses. Our subscribers picked a game particularly vicious for us tonight: _Toasty_. I've never played it personally, but I've heard it's hellish and those who played it had nightmares for months. The legend says it's so nerve-racking your life expectancy will be shortened of three years if you play it even just for twenty minutes."

"Oh, I know Toasty," Saitama takes gold of the game pad. "This one time Metal Bat decided he'd get into gaming on his channel and went to try the first level. He couldn't last more than five minutes."

Genos takes a game pad too and stares down at it austerely.

"I have to confess something: I have never played a video game in my entire life. What is this game about?"

King and Saitama share a look, and King bursts out laughing while Saitama chuckles.

"It's a bit hardcore for a newbie to start with that game!" King gives Genos a friendly slap on the back.

He turns on the television, and the game's main menu appears: it shows a loaf of bread next to a toaster and an egg on an egg-cup. The graphics look quite friendly and simple, but bit-mapped, and the 3D is not so great – there are options to select: 1 PLAYER, 2 PLAYERS, 3 PLAYERS or 4 PLAYERS. There is a joyful song kind of like an ice-cream truck's melody in summer playing on a loop.

"It's very easy," King points a finger at the screen. "You're a slice of bread. And the goal's to get toasted just right, without getting dirty in the process. Bonus point if you manage on top on that to spread butter and jam on you too, but that's not within anyone's reach. First one to get toasted wins advantages for the next level, while losers get handicaps."

"This is unfair," Genos frowns.

"It's the game. Also be aware that players can help or attack each others. Everything is permitted."

"And how do we play?"

"Wait, Genos, let me show you."

Genos flinches and his whole face flushes red when Saitama leans toward him and touches his hands to teach him what every button is for. Meanwhile, King is cracking his knuckles and warming up his wrists, because he knows this is the kind of game that requires endurance to frenzily press the buttons.

Once Saitama is done with his improvised tutorial, Genos nods resolutely.

"I am ready. I will do my best to make Saitama-sensei proud of me."

"Well said, newbie!" King sits next to them and grabs his game pad. "Get ready to bite the dust, the both of you."

They select the 3 PLAYERS set up, and the main menu is replaced by an overhead view of a nice and tidy kitchen – even though the fridge's door and a few cupboards are half-open. The image zooms first on a brand new toaster still inside its box on top of a shelf, then at the other end of the kitchen, on a loaf of bread on the table with three slices already cut.

"That's a bad start," Saitama says in a flat voice. "The toaster's not even plugged in."

"I can't move, sensei."

"Press the buttons faster, newbie. We're still joined together at the bottom, we have to wriggle free."

Immediately, the three slices of bread start wriggling erratically until they manage to split off. From then on, the screen is divided into three, one part for each player. King easily succeeds in crawling on the table and leaps in the air to land on the sink. Saitama goes another way, he jumps on the back of a chair and nearly loses his balance. As for Genos, he stays at the same spot for a while, spinning around before he understands how to crawl on the table between the plates and the jars of jam – they somehow shatter into pieces when he barely brushes past them.

And so begins the epic race for the toaster. Their attempts at reaching it all end in failure, either because the camera's angle is blocking the view, or because their slice of bread just froze and won't move again because of a bug, or because they went through something that was supposed to be solid and fell on the floor. You can see on your screen that Saitama and King are starting to lose patience after thirty minutes of that torture. Saitama's face is all twisted and his nostrils flared. King is gritting his teeth, a thick vein pulsing on his forehead. Both of them are hissing some colorful words and becoming red-faced with pure rage. Genos is the only one remaining perfectly calm despite his many failures.

When Saitama finally reaches the toaster and works so hard to open up the lid of the box, focused, with his tongue sticking out… a bug traps him into the wall with no way at all to break free. A furious growl grows into his throat as a manic grin spreads on his face – he pushes the button frantically until he's hitting them and throws the game pad on the floor.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I'M DONE! FUCK THAT BULLSHIT GAME! I HATE YOU, YOU STUPID SLICE OF FUCKING BREAD!"

Panting and boiling with rage, he slumps down on the couch, arms crossed. Genos glances at him compassionately and compliments him on his game skills – which makes him lose his grip on the sink and land on the kitchen floor again with a splat.

King smiles triumphantly as he climbs the cupboard and crawl pass Saitama's slice of bread still stuck limply into the wall. He pushes his game pad's buttons in a precise order, manages to get the toaster out of its box and grab the cable to drag it toward the nearest socket. But right when he tries to plug it in, the camera randomly shifts angles and makes him miss his target… and fall over right into the bin way down, which automatically earns him a GAME OVER.

Now it's King's turn to shout himself hoarse and tear his hair out.

"I WAS ALMOST THERE!" he wails, grabbing his head with both hands. "I WAS ALMOST THEEEEEEEEEERE! IF IT WASN'T FOR THAT FUCKING CAMERA ANGLE I WOULD HAVE WON!"

And as Saitama and King start rambling loudly about how much they both hate this game, its aneurysm-inducing music and the thousands of bugs, Genos puts his game pad aside and watches them fondly. It is true Saitama is becoming more expressive and smiles more often since he's been living at Genos', he has never looked quite so happy and full of energy before. The transformation is striking.

Finally, King turns to Genos and pats his shoulder with his large hand.

"Looks like newbie here beat us at keeping a cool head! Congratulations, Genos. You could become a good gamer if you wanted to."

The living room fades away to be replaced by the front hall – King is escorting them back to the door to say goodbye. When they hug, it looks like playing that game together somehow made them best friends for ever.

* * *

 **oOo**

 **[Author's note: The last video is heavily inspired by Markiplier's let's plays of the game _I am bread_ , they're hilarious XD]**


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's notes** **:** So, as you may already know, I uploaded this chapter in french more than a month ago, but then I was away for a few weeks so I couldn't translate it. Now I'm back, but this chapter is so freakishly long it took me ages to translate it (okay not ages, but like almost two weeks). Also my betareader found some free time to proofread this monster, so I'm quite happy with the result!

Thank you all for your patience, support and nice comments!

Enjoy!

 **oOo**

* * *

 **On my rounds [[LIVE]]**

Sometimes, real life obligations get in the way of your video viewing on Youtube. Perhaps you had a night out with your friends and came home late. Perhaps you had some urgent homework to do for school. Perhaps you were watching a movie with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Perhaps you had some Wifi issues, or perhaps you just didn't turn on the notification bell. Whatever the reason, the fact is it's almost midnight when you eventually click on Mumen Rider's live video.

When did this livestream even start? You have no idea, but as a fan it's a relief you didn't entirely miss that boat. Mumen Rider's live videos are precious, they make you feel like you're sharing a special moment with him, partly because he almost never rebroadcasts them, and when he does, he reduces them to the few minutes where something happened.

The first thing you see is Mumen's hand collecting an empty plastic bottle from the sidewalk. The video is dark and split in two: the main camera fixed to the young Youtuber's helmet is filming his point of view, while another one fixed to some kind of selfie stick is filming his face, framing it in the screen's top left corner. More specifically, all you can see is his mouth, chin and nose, since his eyes are veiled by his helmet's visor as usual. This is new, but you're not surprised. In a FAQ video a few days earlier, Mumen Rider has read his fans' requests and some of them wanted to see his facial reactions during his rounds, and he has promised he would buy the equipment to do so.

Anyway, you're watching him pick up the bottle and smile softly.

"Some have complained about my daily city rounds being too long and boring because hardly anything ever happens. I'm sorry if my subscribers are bored, but I'm seeing things differently. If you ask me, it gives me hope."

He turns his head to look around, showing you a quiet street. It's night, but the street lamps, a Seven Eleven's shop window and a few drink vending machines here and there are pouring artificial light onto the pavement.

"… Because if nothing happens, it means that things are not so bad after all, that there's more good than evil in this world."

Leading his bike with a hand on the handlebar, he's walking towards the trash cans lined up in front of the combini, and shows the bottle to the camera.

"I know collecting garbage on the ground to throw it in the trash can is not as thrilling as my weekly _Faith in Humanity Restored_ compilations, or good deeds like rescuing a cat stuck on a tree or making groceries for an elderly person, but… Recycling participation too is a good thing."

As to prove it, he dumps the bottle into the appropriate recycling trash can.

"Everyone in their own way can make a difference and make this world better. But you're right about one thing, and I've been reading very carefully every suggestion you've been sending me. It is true I have a lot more subscribers now and I'm starting to become somewhat famous since Fubuki mentioned my channel on her video. I shouldn't be complacent and limit myself to what is mostly just basic decency. I should use this new found popularity to have a greater impact and make good deeds at a higher level."

He gets on his bicycle and starts pedaling at a leisurely pace, on the lookout for another good deed to accomplish.

"I've been thinking quite a lot lately, and I've been inspired by Genos' courage when he deleted his channel to take a whole new turn, and by Saitama who didn't break under all the hate and fame that suddenly crashed on him, and instead made something positive out of it. I want to be useful. I want to help people in distress and in need all around the world. I meant to announce it officially in a video soon, but…"

A serene smile grazes his lips and the street lamps cast light and moving shadows on his face. Zigzagging on the sidewalk, we can see closed metal shutters, a bar about to shut, a group of half-drunk coworkers stumbling around arm in arm, trying to hail a taxi.

"… I can tell you in preview: I intend to commit myself more directly in humanitarian work. In addition to making donations, I will become a volunteer and draw the Internet's attention to the hard work charitable associations are accomplishing. I already found sponsors willing to support me in…"

A woman's scream cuts him short, and he brakes so abruptly the cameras jolt.

"I hear someone calling for help!" he says, peering into the night around. "Did you hear it too?"

Another cry for help, louder:

 _"Let me go! Leave me alone!"_

Mumen Rider snaps his head towards a dark alley, jaw clenching and face hardening.

"It came from over there! Someone needs help! Quick!"

He promptly starts pedaling and crosses the street like an avenging angel, rushing into the alley without any hesitation at all. There, in the flickering light of a vending machine, three men are surrounding a scared woman, grabbing her wrist to stop her from running away. Mumen skids to a halt right in front of them, interrupting the scene.

"Let go of her right now or you will answer to me!"

The three thugs turn their head to glare at the Youtuber.

"This is none of your business, shorty," one of them grunts, flexing his muscles threateningly. "Get the fuck out of here before we beat your face off."

All three of them are about a foot taller than him, and they're cracking their knuckles threateningly. Speechless, the woman still held captive by the wrist is staring at Mumen with wide and teary eyes. She looks terrified and the angry red mark on her cheek means that she's just been hit in the face. Not impressed in the slightest, Mumen gets off his bike, leans it against the wall, and with the confidence of a hero, takes a step towards the molesters.

"Leave her alone or I will make you sorry! I won't say it twice!"

The thugs share a look and burst out laughing. They seem to forget about their victim and release her to surround Mumen.

"You got a death wish or something?"

The young Youtuber presses his lips together and raises his fists into a defensive position, ready to fight.

"I didn't want it to come to this, but you're giving me no other choice. I won't let you hurt this young lady!"

"Looks like you really want us to beat the crap out of you. Don't say you didn't ask for it."

The first punch hits Mumen so violently in the face he collapses to the ground like a rag doll. Because of the shock, the camera's screen is cracked and the image is blurry – there's blood flowing from his nose, and red droplets splattered on the sidewalk.

"Run away while they're focused on me!" Mumen yells at the terrified woman. "Go now! Go get somewhere safe!"

She hesitates, tears rolling down her face, and she eventually runs away as fast as her legs can carry her.

The vending machine's flickering light is casting the three bullies' shadows on Mumen who scrambles to his feet and tries bravely to defend himself. A large hand grabs him by the collar, picking him up off the ground.

Clear view of the snarling face of one of the thugs, raising his fist.

The livestream stops abruptly when the punch hits Mumen's face with so much force the cameras are destroyed.

* * *

 **WORST FEAR EVER IN A HAUNTED PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL [42 minutes 55 seconds]**

Aerial view – probably filmed by a drone – of a building isolated in the woods. The images are jerky and the ominous music sounds straight up from a horror movie. Music intensifies, and now you're looking at the inside of the building falling into ruins, and the camera zooms on a doll dressed in a kimono, staring at you with a creepy smile.

"Guys, I heard something…"

Change of scenery, you're hearing a ragged breath. The camera is shaking, like the one holding it is running.

"Oh shit, it moved! Let's get the hell out of here, now!"

Metal Bat's face in close-up and low-angle shot. He glances at his right, then his left, looking terrified. You can see him swallowing.

"Anybody there? Show yourself! It's not funny anymore!"

His hand tightens around his metal bat.

Black screen. A scream of absolute terror.

Infrared camera's night vision paints Saitama and Genos in green – they share a tense look.

 _"_ _I think we're not alone_ _…_ _"_ Saitama whispers, showing his EMF device whose little diodes are flashing frenzily.

The nerve-racking music stops, and now the camera is showing a forest in the night, and a hard rain lit up by a flashlight. The camera shifts to Metal Bat who's filming himself at arm's length. Behind him, Saitama and Genos are holding flashlights and carrying backpacks. All three of them are wearing raincoats with a hood to shield them from the downpour.

"Hello everybody, and welcome to this new Urbex with my guests Saitama and Genos!" Metal Bat beams at the camera.

Saitama merely waves in greetings, his face blank.

You notice that Metal Bat has brought his lucky bat as usual – it seems he strapped it on his back, you can see the handle poking out behind his shoulder.

"For those who have seen the video, you know I already did some Urban Exploration not so long ago with Saitama and Genos to visit an old shamisen factory that's been abandoned for ten years. But this time, I'm trying something I've never done before. The place we're gonna visit tonight used to be a psychiatric hospital. Not only it's been abandoned for like forty years and is isolated from civilization, but it's renowned for being _haunted_. In this area, no one dares wandering around in the forest, let alone at night. And yet the three of us are gonna spend the entire night here and try to establish contact with ghosts…"

Saitama points at the heavy backpacks they're carrying.

"Yeah, Genos bought all the equipment to detect their presence and stuff. Can we go, now? I'm getting water inside my shoes."

Metal Bat nods and motions them to follow him.

"Let's go then! The psychiatric hospital is in this direction, we're almost there. As you can see, this place is so weed-infested we couldn't drive there, so we've been walking for about half an hour."

"I think no one's been there for at least twenty years," Genos says gravely and lights up the trees surrounding them. "It kind of reminds me of some countries in South-East Asia I explored when I was running my travel channel."

"It does look tropical around here," Saitama narrows his eyes and tilts his head up, letting the rain pour on his face. "It's almost midnight but I'm burning up."

From what their flashlights are lighting up, the trees indeed look almost tropical. The sound is saturated because of the rain, but you can hear the _plit_ _s_ _h plit_ _s_ _h_ of their footsteps on the mud.

"Oh right," Metal Bat strides over a thick root slithering on the ground. "I should've told y'all we're on South Japan for this video. I borrowed my mom's car and Genos drove all the way down since I'm still underage."

A gloomy building is starting to loom behind the trees. The very same one you saw in the beginning of the video.

"I'm starting to get quite popular internationally thanks to my fans who caption my videos with english, spanish and french subtitles – by the way thanks folks, you rock – so I'll explain to any foreigner watching this video why there are so many abandoned buildings here in Japan. This is due to population aging and rural exodus, so it's basically Urbex Heaven here. But if I picked this remote place rather difficult to access, it's because no Youtuber has explored it yet as far as I know, and this hospital's history will send shivers up your spine…"

With a rustling of ferns, they finally reach the building. Weirdly enough, the architecture is in a western style, built with stones and invaded by vegetation. Also, it looks like a tree grew into the structure itself.

"From what I've been told by people around here," Metal Bat raises his voice to be heard through the heavy rain, "it was initially a secret church built by some Japanese followers of the first Jesuits to walk this land. When christianity was prohibited, this land's daimyo found out about this church and slaughtered everyone. There was a cross on top of the building back then, but it has been destroyed."

He points his flashlight at the building. Indeed, it is obvious some parts have been destroyed, and others added.

"For a while, the place was left for hermits and miserable ronins to squat, before it was renovated and a second and third floors were added to become a psychiatric hospital where japanese novice doctors studied dutch medicine and practiced on mentally ill people to try to cure them. There are many horrifying stories of trepanning and other treatments that often killed the patients instead of curing them. Not counting the rumors saying that the poor bastards were used as guinea pigs for the young doctors training themselves to do surgery… without anesthesia, of course."

Saitama blinks, watching at the wind rushing into the entrance.

"Wow. That's creepy."

"I know, right? The hospital has been shut down after a cholera outbreak that wiped out patients and doctors alike. You'd think the story ends here, but there's more. Forty years ago, a cannibal serial killer kidnapped women to bring them here and eat their flesh. People say their skeletons are still buried somewhere around here, 'cause they never found them, and their ghosts are still wandering about to find their killer and get their revenge. People told me they're blind and kill whoever dares stepping inside…"

"Cool."

Saitama doesn't look very impressed. But then, his face is so blank it's kind of hard to tell what's really going on in his head. Maybe he's just tired, after such a long roadtrip and then walking in the rain carrying a heavy backpack.

"It's midnight," Metal Bat looks straight into the camera. "We're all alone in the middle of nowhere, and we're gonna spend the six next hours in this abandoned hospital, we will sleep in there in our sleeping bags and try to communicate with ghosts. Let's get inside!"

They walk into the building, where the atmosphere is quite different. The silence is so thick you can barely hear the rain pouring outside, as if it came from another world. They push their hood back and look around, directing their beams of light at the oozing walls. Here, nature has reasserted itself, vegetation growing wildly on the ground and through the cracks in the walls. There are some pieces of furniture and wooden doors, but they're all rotten and in poor condition.

"I've never tried to communicate with spirits before," Metal Bat says as he moves his flashlight, "but a Youtuber friend who knows his stuff gave me some advice. Apparently we have to announce ourselves when we enter their house. It's more polite, and it avoids angering them. I think this is the moment you take out you EMF meters, guys."

"Ok."

Saitama and Genos open their bags and take their electronic devices out. Metal Bat zooms on the EMF readers, and you can see the tiny diodes lined up from green to red – they're all off.

"If you're not familiar with this stuff already," Metal Bat points at the EMF meters, "these devices detect electromagnetic fields ghosts are composed of. If a spirit comes near us, the diodes will light up. Okay, now who wants to announce our presence to the ghosts?"

Saitama playfully nudges Genos.

"Come on, Genos, do it. Introduce us to the ghosts."

"Very well. To be perfectly honest, I don't believe in ghosts or anything supernatural, but I will do it for you, Saitama-sensei."

Genos clears his throat and steps forward solemnly.

"If there is anyone here with us tonight, alive or dead, please forgive us for intruding onto your home. Our names are, Saitama, Genos and Metal Bat, and we are here to establish a contact with you. We have electronic devices that allow us to communicate with you. So if you have anything you want to tell us, just come closer. We are ready to listen to you."

"Whoa, you're doing great, Genos. You've already done ghost hunting before or something?"

Metal Bat is the one who asked the question, but Genos turns to Saitama to answer, dead serious.

"No, but I've been watching quite a few ghost hunting videos. In most cases, the paranormal phenomenons are just some dust flying in the air, a bat or some other kind of scared wild animal running away, a homeless person living there and trying to make the intruders leave, or just a scam set up by the Youtuber themself to get more views, or by their friends as a stupid joke. There is nothing to fear. Ghosts are not real."

Saitama shrugs absently.

"That's what you think. There's no way to be 100% sure until we're dead."

Genos raises his eyebrows. He suddenly looks fascinated and stares intensely at Saitama as if he's trying to analyze and mentally dissect him.

"I didn't know you believe in ghosts, Saitama-sensei."

"Well, it's not exactly that I believe in them. I'm just saying, you never know."

Genos gawks at him, obviously very impressed and struck dumb with admiration.

"I see. What you're saying is that you're not pretending to know better than anyone else or regarding other people's beliefs as inferior or stupid like I just did. I realize now I spoke in patronizing tones in dismissing what I personally don't believe in. Your wisdom will never ceases to amaze me. I still have so much to learn from you!"

Metal Bat flips his camera around to film his own face, rolling his eyes.

"Just call me when the both of you are done flirting so we can start exploring and setting the cameras." His upper lip curls up scornfully and he adds: "Anyway, no risk of a scam in this video, it's guaranteed scam-free, on my word. I ain't some kind of douche who cheats to get more views, you know me, guys. And to be sure no one's gonna try framing me, I told no one where I was going, not even my family."

Saitama glances at the camera.

"So basically if anything happens, no one will come looking for us here?"

"Exactly!" Metal Bat grins and walks straight to what probably used to be the secret church's altar. "I think this is a good spot to put a camera. According to my sources, the Jesuit disciples have been killed here."

Genos complies and brings a camera on a tripod and put it on the stone altar. A tiny video appears in a corner of the screen, filming the dark hall and entrance.

"This camera activates automatically at any movement in its viewing angle. We'll only now afterwards when I watch the recordings if anything happened while we were exploring the rest of the hospital."

Saitama lets out a whistle.

"Must have cost a fuckton of cash. We gotta hunt for more ghosts to make it worthwhile, Genos."

"Of course, whatever makes you happy, sensei!"

While his friends finish setting the camera, Metal Bat fixes his GoPro on his forehead and steps into an adjoining room. As if you could watch through his eyes, you see his hand holding the flashlight freeze.

"Holy shit guys, you gotta see this!"

The light beam is lighting up a doll dressed in a kimono whose colors seem to have faded. She's sitting on an indentation in the wall, and her unblinking stare is directed right at you.

You hear sounds of footsteps coming closer, and the camera shifts to Saitama and Genos – they too are looking at the doll now.

"Why the fuck is there a doll here?"

"Maybe it belonged to a patient in the psychiatric hospital?"

"No way, it's not _that_ old."

"Or it could be the serial killer's doll, from forty years ago…"

Water is oozing from the ceiling and dripping down with a _plic ploc_ kind of sound.

"I don't like the way she's looking at me," Metal Bat mumbles. "She's freaking me out. Dolls are fucking scary, I can't even walk into my little sister's bedroom without fearing one of her creepy dolls is gonna stab me in the back the second I look away…"

He flinches and his eyes dart towards a door completely rotten and eaten by woodworms.

"Guys, I heard something…"

The video pauses just when he zooms dramatically on the doll still staring at him, and you hear Metal Bat's voice commenting:

 _« When I started editing this video, I listened very carefully but couldn't hear anything out of the ordinary. But I swear that even if Genos and Saitama didn't, I clearly heard a little girl laughing in the distance… I don't know if it was the rain, the wind, a wild animal somewhere in the hospital, my imagination, or a manifestation of a supernatural power… I guess I'll never know. »_

The video continues.

"I heard a little girl laughing!"

"I haven't heard anything," Genos frowns sceptically.

"I ain't shitting you, I heard laughing!" Metal Bat insists in a high-pitched voice.

"Is there anybody here?" Saitama calls out and then looks around, holding his flashlight limply.

No answer. He shares a look with Genos.

"There's no one there, Metal Bat. We better keep exploring and setting up all the cameras before we find a dry spot to spend the night and summon the spirits."

"Yeah, you're right…"

Metal Bat throws one last glance at the doll and then pushes the worm-eaten door open. Behind, is a narrow and dark corridor. The beam of light pierces into the darkness, revealing broken chairs, a rusty wheelchair and overturned hospital beds blocking the way…

His flashlight crackles, flickers and the light dies out.

Metal Bat sucks in a panicked breath. He swears loudly and hits his flashlight, making it light up again.

"Okay, so I think that's the patients' rooms over there… Check that, there's even one sealed up…"

He films a closed door with planks nailed on it. It only says on the sign: DANGER DO NOT ENTER.

"Well, that's reassuring, right?" he chuckles at his guests, and it looks like he's trying a bit too hard to show he's not afraid.

They decide to set another camera in this corridor, then move forward, climbing a worm-eaten staircase that somehow doesn't collapse under their weight. Once they're finally upstairs, the video pauses again, and Metal Bat's voice speaks over the ominous music.

 _« The stories about this place already kinda crept me out, but that was nothing compared to what we saw upstairs. I wish I could unsee it, but it's carved into my mind forever… »_

"Uh…" Saitama says. "I think some local weirdos had a fun time in here…"

Metal Bat steps forward and snatches his GoPro from his forehead to show you the room from all angles. There is a table covered with a white sheet, and on top of it, yet another doll quite similar to the one they saw earlier is lying on her back, a dagger plunged into her heart. She's surrounded by black candles that have been extinguished, and a pentagram has been drawn on the sheet with some kind of dark liquid that looks suspiciously like blood.

Metal Bat's face appears in close-up with Genos and Saitama right behind him.

"We'd better leave. If those creeps are still around…"

Unfazed, Genos runs his eyes over the table.

"Judging by the layer of dust on the sheet I think they're long gone. I suggest we keep going."

They walk through another corridor and explore many rooms in ruins before they reach the broken part of the building where the tree has grown right in the middle. There is no ceiling. The wind is howling like a wraith and a hard rain is falling down on them. Metal Bat's hand brushes against the tree trunk.

"We can't stay here!" he yells down at the camera. "The storm's getting worse, it's almost two in the morning and we're tired! We placed cameras all around the hospital, so now we just need to go somewhere dry to communicate with the spirits!"

As he speaks, one of the automatic cameras switches on in a corner of the screen, and a big red arrow flashes to draw your attention to it.

The video pauses, and a replay starts, commented by Metal Bat's calm voice:

 _« I only saw it afterwards when I reviewed the recordings, but during our exploration, two cameras switched on almost at the same moment. The one in the corridor, where the wheelchair started rolling on its own until it hit the wall. And the one on the altar, for no apparent reason. The wheelchair moving can be explained by the wind: the storm was violent, and a gust of wind might have pushed it. But I have no rational explanation for the other camera. I'll just let you draw your own conclusions! »_

They rush away from the downpour and enter another wing of the building that is definitely bigger than it looks like. The secret church probably was about one third of the whole thing, and everything else has been built around it when it became a hospital.

But as they walk into a corridor, they freeze right in the middle when they hear a loud cracking sound… Metal Bat goes pale and looks down, filming their feet. The floor underneath is made of damp wood about to collapse under their weight…

"We forgot the number one rule for Urbex," Metal Bat whispers… "Watch where you put your feet."

"D'ya think the ghosts of those women murdered by the cannibal are trying to kill us?" Saitama asks as if he was talking about the weather. "Maybe that's how they do it, they make people fall."

"You're not helping, dude!"

Metal Bat is still filming himself from below when he grabs his bat with a shaking hand. He glances at his right, then at his left, growing uneasy.

"Anybody there? Show yourself! It's not funny anymore!"

His hand tightens around his metal bat, and he takes a deep breath to calm himself down.

"There's no one here," he tries to reason himself out loud. "The floor is rotten, s'all, nothing supernatural about that. If we walk very carefully we should…"

Another cracking sound, and Saitama grabs Genos and yanks him sharply to him as the floor collapses just where he stood, saving him from falling right through the hole. Snuggled up against his sensei's chest, Genos holds his breath and turns bright red, frozen to the spot.

Saitama doesn't notice Genos' turmoil and looks down at the gaping hole in the spot where Genos was standing a few seconds earlier.

"Phew. That was close. A lil' bit more and we'd have lost ya, Genos."

"You saved my life, Saitama-sensei!"

"NOW IS NOT THE MOMENT TO FLIRT!" Metal Bat bursts out, yielding to panic. "WE'RE STUCK IN A CORRIDOR ABOUT TWENTY FEET ABOVE THE GROUND AND WE MIGHT FALL DOWN AT ANY MOMENT!"

Metal Bat is breathing heavily and he grits his teeth as he steps forward very carefully.

"Walk slowly so the floor doesn't collapse…"

The floor cracks even louder, and suddenly it's sagging under their weight.

"Oh shit, it moved! Let's get the hell out of here, now!"

The camera's shaking all around, but you can somehow see that they're running like mad to the staircase where the floor is more stable. Metal Bat leans back against the damp wall, clutching at his chest with his hand.

"Now I understand what heroes in movies or video games feel when a bridge breaks under their feet and they have to run for their lives…"

And then, all of a sudden, the GoPro camera goes out, and we hear Metal Bat screaming with fear. Black out.

The Youtuber's voice rises again to comment the scene:

 _« Yet I had put brand new batteries in my Go Pro the very same day. I don't know why it just turned off on its own, but I have to admit it scared the shit out of me, especially since my flashlight died on me at the exact same moment. I know you're probably laughing at me in front of your screen 'cause I screamed like a little girl for nothing, but if you were in my shoes you'd have shit yourselves! Anyway, how can I explain this phenomenon: a simple coincidence? Could the rain have messed up the technology? I kinda doubt that, this ain't the first time I've filmed when it's raining and I've never had this kind of problem before… Whatever actually happened, good thing I had brought an infrared camera, so I could keep filming. »_

When the image comes back, it's only in shades of green, black and white. They are standing in a room where one of the automatic cameras is set in.

"So, my GoPro's batteries are dead, it's gonna be a bit hard continuing this video… We're back on the ground floor to avoid other problems. We'll just invoke spirits there, and then we're out. On second thought we won't stay the whole night here, I'm soaked to the skin and I'd rather not catch a pneumonia or something. It was too hot outside, but inside the building it's abnormally cold…"

"Hey, Metal Bat…"

Saitama and Genos share a look.

"I think we're not alone…" Saitama whispers, showing his EMF meter to the camera – the tiny diodes are all switched on and flashing like crazy.

The ominous music increases dramatically, bringing the tension at its peak. The camera zooms on Saitama's EMF device, then on Genos' that starts flashing too.

Pause.

Metal Bat's voice.

 _« At this moment, I was scared to death and I really thought that there was a ghost here, ready to kill us all… But for once, I do have a logical explanation for this phenomenon. Just watch… »_

The video resumes. A mobile phone is ringing, and the three Youtubers relax.

"Ah shit," Metal Bat shoves his camera in Genos' hands to search into his pocket. "It's my phone, the EMF meter's just picking up waves…"

Saitama stares at him aghast.

"You didn't turn it off?"

"I couldn't possibly know there'd be a signal here in the middle of nowhere, or that someone would try to call me at two in the fucking morning!" Metal Bat snaps back, pressing his phone against his ear. "Yeah who's there?"

A muffled woman's voice comes out of the phone, and the young Youtuber pulls a face and whispers to the camera:

" _Crap, it's my mom_ … Stop yelling, mom, I'm not deaf! Yeah, I'm the one who took your car… Yeah I know, I should've asked, sorry… Where I am? Huh, somewhere down south, but don't worry, I'll be back home tomorrow! Ahhh I said stop shouting! Well duh, of course it's for Youtube! It's a real job, y'know! I make as much money than you and dad combined, so stop nagging me, I know what I'm doing!"

"Wow, textbook rebellious teen…" Saitama says to Genos who's holding the camera. "Except leaving home as soon as I came of age, I've never had a teenage crisis. To be fair, I rarely saw my dad anyway, he was always working. Did you have a teenage crisis, Genos?"

"But mooooooooooom stop screaming!" Metal Bat turns his back on the camera. "I told you it's for Youtube! My subscribers want new videos, you don't understand, that's how it works! Alright, alright, I'm sorry I worried you! There, happy now?"

While the phone conversation carries as a background noise, Genos smiles softly at Saitama.

"I left home at sixteen to travel around the world and create my Youtube travel channel, and my parents supported me even though they were worried. Since I posted a video online every day they always knew where I was and what I was doing, it reassured them. They've never quite understood, but I appreciate them trying."

"Cool."

Metal Bat suddenly grows silent in the background, so Genos turns the camera in his direction. Phone still glued to his ear, the young Youtuber is frowning.

"Wait, say that again. What happened to him? Ah. Alright. I see. Thanks for telling me, mom. Yes, I'll come home tomorrow, don't worry. Goodnight."

He hangs up, face darkening as he slowly lowers his phone.

"What's wrong?" Saitama asks. "You got a weird look on your face."

"You guys know my mother's a nurse, right?"

"Uh, yeah?"

Metal Bat looks up, eyes burning with cold rage.

"She just told me Mumen Rider's been admitted into the E.R. a few hours ago. He's been beaten up by some assholes who hit him so hard he's fighting for his life now. Come on, guys. Let's get all the gear back and leave right now. If we drive fast enough we should arrive at the hospital at sunrise to see him."

The video stops, and now we're back to the present, which is Metal Bat filming himself in his bedroom. He's sitting askew on his chair with a leg folded, whirling his bat.

"I wasn't going to post this video. But Mumen Rider is no longer in a life-threatening condition and he just came out of coma so I decided to do it, with his consent. Now, I want all of you to send nice messages to Mumen Rider for his recovery. That guy is too good and too pure for this shitty world, and if I find the bastards who did this to him…"

Instead of finishing his sentence, he just wields his bat threateningly.

"Anyway. I'll see you in the next video, guys."

* * *

 **Live FAQ [[LIVE]]**

As is often the case on Saitama's Youtube channel, the video starts right away, with no frills. No opening, no introduction, no music, no presentation. Just his face and shoulders, his blank stare, and the hand he raises limply as greetings.

"Hi guys."

Behind him, a white wall. It looks like he's sitting. And if you listen closely, you hear footsteps and muffled conversations as a background sound.

Saitama slowly blinks and scratches his cheek like he's searching for words.

"Since Genos started doing it for me, I kinda forgot how to present my own videos myself. So, huh… There, I'm in the hospital."

As if to prove it, he turns the camera (more like a smartphone actually) and films too quickly a generic hospital's corridor. You barely catch a glimpse of a few nurses walking and a patient in a wheelchair before Saitama's face invades the screen once again. The neon lights are reflected on his bald skull like in a mirror.

"Mumen Rider's been bedridden for a week now. I'm sure you guys already know he's been mugged during one of his good deeds rounds. He came out of his coma three days ago. I'm paying him a visit to keep him company. And I'm bringing him this."

The camera shakes when he bends to take a clear plastic bag from the ground between his feet, and holds it up to show it to you all. You can see it contains bananas.

"They were on special offer. It's full of potassium, I thought it'd be good for him. I've been here for ten minutes and they told me to wait so to pass the time I read some of their leaflets about proteins, vitamins, and stuff. It's good to know, maybe I should make a video about that some day…"

He seems thoughtful for a moment, staring in the distance. Then he looks down at the camera again.

"And since I've nothing left to read and I'm bored to death, I thought I'd use that time to livestream and answer your questions, since you guys like that kind of stuff. Anyway, I don't even know if you'd still be interested if Genos is not there…"

Judging by the jerky way his eyes are moving, he's reading the online chatroom where subscribers are logging in.

"Ah, looks like y'all have questions. Let's start with roleout245 who says _«_ _S_ _aitama you're such a big MOOD. please give us some tips how to handle haters as cool as you »_. Thanks, roleout245, I'm happy to be a mood. As for haters, well…"

He ponders about it for a moment, frowning.

"I dunno, I don't have any advice to give. I never thought about it to be honest. Haters just don't get to me, 'cause I don't give a shit about them and their opinion. And when haters lash at other people online and I come to destroy them… I see clearly through their words how ridiculous, stupid and immature they are. I don't like writing too many words and arguing endlessly, mainly 'cause typing is a pain in the ass. So I limit myself to twenty words top to crush them. The shorter the better."

On the screen's side, a sixty years old man walks in and sits next to Saitama, throwing him a sidelong glance. Judging by his face, it's clear he's thinking young people are obsessed by their smartphones and that things were better back when people talked to each other, or something along these lines. Whatever it is, Saitama doesn't seem to notice the old man's stare, and he reads out loud another question:

"Bomberguy789 tells me that since I called Amai Mask out I better be prepared for the hopeless fangirls. Yeah, I know, I already got a bunch of hatemails. Those girls are weird tho. I wonder if they realize Amai Mask doesn't give a flying rat's ass that they defend his honor on the Internet? Or maybe they think he'll just instantly fall in love with them 'cause they sent me death threats?"

He shrugs.

"Meh. Who cares anyway. Next question from…"

He doesn't get a chance to actually read the question – you hear a door opening and the voice of a nurse off camera:

"Sir? You can come in now, your friend is waiting for you."

"Ah. Thanks."

Saitama gets up, holding his bag of bananas, and filming himself at arm's length.

"Sorry guys, I thought I had more time to answer your questions. I have to go see Mumen Rider. See ya in the next video. Bye."

His finger moves closer to interrupt the livestream, but he stops and blinks as he reads the reactions flowing into the live chatroom.

"You want me to keep livestreaming so you get to see Mumen too? Huh…"

He scratches his cheek, looking vaguely hesitant.

"If Mumen's okay with being filmed, why not. Wait a sec, I'll ask him."

Saitama's face disappears, and the camera is directed on his hand turning the door's handle, then on his feet stepping on the hospital room's spotless floor.

Throughout the following dialog, all you get to see is Saitama's toes – he's wearing flip-flops and bermuda shorts, a tad too casual for a hospital visit.

"Hey, hi Mumen."

"Hi Saitama! It's so nice to see you again!"

"Same. Here, I brought you bananas."

"That's so sweet, but you shouldn't have, you know! Genos and you already brought me clementines yesterday, and mangas the day before… I don't need presents, I'm touched enough you come to visit me every day…"

"It's nothing, just stuff I bought on sale. How you feelin'?"

"Way better, thanks to the nurses' kindness and my fans' messages of encouragement. The Youtube community is amazing, like a big family."

"Cool. Wait, let me peel your banana for you, I forgot you can't move your arms."

"Thank you. Hey, Genos is not with you today?"

"No, he had stuff to do. Something to do with tv I think, but he didn't tell me what exactly. Ah by the way, Mumen. Right now I'm live on Youtube with my subscribers, and they want to see you. You okay to be filmed in this state, or you'd rather wait til' you recover completely?"

"No problem, I would be delighted to meet your subscribers, Saitama!"

"Ok."

The camera finally moves up, and now you can see the hospital bed on which Mumen Rider is lying. His body is almost entirely in plaster, and one of his legs is suspended in the air. If you were hoping you would get to see his face at last – in his videos he's always hiding it under his helmet or behind sunglasses or a scarf – well… you won't. His head is wrapped in a capeline bandage, his neck and chin are engulfed by plaster, and his nose is covered in bandages. His forearms are in a cast too, so indeed there's no way he could peel a banana on his own.

Even so, his eyes are smiling and he's radiating joy and kindness as he always does.

His bed is surrounded by bunches of flowers, multicolored balloons and cards wishing him a speedy recovery. And on his belly, Saitama's plastic bag full of bananas.

"Hello everybody!" Mumen smiles at the camera and tries to move his hand in greeting, but to no avail. "I hope you're all doing great! Don't worry about me, the doctors say I'll be back on my feet in a few months. I will update new videos as soon as I can to catch up the delay…"

Saitama sits down on the edge of the bed and holds out the peeled banana to Mumen so he can take a bite. He's still filming the both of them at arm's length.

"My subscribers say you need to rest and the videos can wait," Saitama says as he glances at the live chatroom. "Y'know you're a hero now?"

Mumen swallows his mouthful of banana and smiles bashfully.

"I'm not sure losing a fight and ending up in the hospital is so heroic… but at least, my action allowed the young woman to escape from her assailants. That's the only thing that matters. I'm just disappointed to be stuck here for so long and not be able to help people and carry on my good deeds… I don't like feeling useless."

"Don't say that. Here, eat your banana."

Mumen obeys and takes another bite, munching thoughtfully.

"The good thing about being motionless all day long is that I have plenty of time to think about what I plan to do next. I would like to bring my channel to the next level. Daily good deeds in my neighborhood and compilations of videos to restore faith in humanity are nice, but I'd like to help people on a larger scale… I already did some charity fund raising in the past, but now I think I will join a NGO and film everything to encourage my subscribers to help out or join too. And I have so many more ideas…"

Saitama patiently holds the fruit until Mumen finishes eating it, then he drops the banana skin in the bin.

"Like what?"

Mumen's eyes sparkle enthusiastically. Suddenly the screen moves and Saitama's fingers block the view. When they withdraw, the angle is different. You figure out he put the phone on the suspended casted leg to provide an overview of them without having to hold the camera himself.

"I was thinking about scuba diving to clean the rivers, lakes and seasides from all the garbage polluting them. I'd like to create some sort of depression helpline that would send a volunteer directly at home or chat online or by video conference with people who feel lonely or in distress and need immediate moral support…"

Saitama's face lights up at those words that clearly piqued his interest.

"Nice idea. If you need any help to make it happen, just ask me. Since I've been crashing at Genos' place he makes me meet a fuckton of Youtubers and some of them are actually becoming my friends so now things are different for me… but I know what it feels like to be alone and to have no one to talk to."

You hear a weak beeping sound, and all of a sudden, the screen turns black and just like that, the livestream is over. No matter how many times you refresh Youtube, it won't come back.

If you follow Saitama on social media, you'll know a few hours later through a short tweet on Twitter that his phone battery died on him and he didn't notice it right away.

* * *

 **GENOS VERBALLY DESTROYS TATSUMAKI AND AMAI MASK! YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT! [11 minutes 23 seconds]**

You don't usually fall for clickbait. Especially when it's a video from some random Youtuber, the kind of guy who keeps making shitty best of and top 10 videos sloppily copied from popular channels. But for once, you're tempted.

First, because the video's image caught your eye when Youtube suggested it to you. It shows Genos' face transfigured by wrath, yelling as he bangs his fist on a table. Second, because this video was updated just now but already has been viewed, liked and commented thousands of times, which is quite impressive.

A video going viral when it's only been online for like half an hour? That might be worth saying, you think as you click on it.

It starts right away with a wave of applause ceasing.

A television studio set filmed from above, camera zooming it. A semi-circular white table in the center, where guests are seated – you see Amai Mask haughtily brushing his long blue hair back from his face, then Tatsumaki smirking smugly, and the tv presenter, a man wearing a suit and smiling brightly. And all around, the audience, spotlights and cameras.

"My, my, you are international stars! Who would have believe that making videos on Youtube could lead straight to Hollywood! So it's official, you both have signed a contract with a major american movie producer? Could you tell us more about it?"

The camera's directed at the presenter – you notice that in spite of his serious-looking suit and side parting, he wears a pink tie with a yellow ducks pattern. Behind him, there is a gigantic screen showing pictures of the two famous Youtubers posing with movie stars.

Amai Mask tries to shrug modestly, but it comes off as arrogant.

"The contract I signed includes a confidentiality clause, so I can't tell you anything. However, I would like to remind you that Youtube has nothing to do with my career development. This is just one of the media I use to communicate with my fans. I owe all of my success to my talent as an actor, model and singer."

"Indeed," the presenter nods, "you were already an actor as a child. But Youtube as a springboard to celebrity is a growing phenomenon, you can't deny it! For example you, miss Tatsumaki, as far as I know you've never been an actress and yet you are going to be catapulted to a big-budgeted Hollywood blockbuster as the leading part! How do you explain that?"

Tatsumaki folds her arms on her flat chest and snorts.

"What kind of stupid-ass question is that? I might not be a professional actress or whatever, but I often act in my own sketches in my channel, and the producers are not blind, they noticed I have talent, or else they wouldn't have contacted me to sign that contract. Plus, it's great advertising for them. All they have to do is to put my name or King's or Amai Mask' on whatever they're trying to sell, we have so many fans it means millions of viewers/consumers guaranteed. Producers would be dumb to sniff at it."

Always smiling brightly, the presenter turns to the camera to speak directly to the television audience:

"Anyway, we're excited to watch the movies! Speaking of celebrity, Youtube can make anyone famous overnight! Unless you've been living in a cave away from all social media and Internet for the last two months, you've got to know the two Youtubers who went viral lately, Saitama and Genos!"

Cheering and hearty applause rise from the audience. Tatsumaki scowls and narrows her eyes, while Amai Mask rolls his eyes with an annoyed sigh. Still smiling brightly, the presenter laughs and motions at the audience to calm down.

"I know! I'm a fan too, if you believe it, I subscribed to their channel last month! Let's explain for the viewers who don't already know who they are: Saitama and Genos are two young Youtubers who have been living together for the last two months even though they never met before! Internet took a vivid interest in the both of them for various reasons, the main one being that Genos was already quite popular before that and deleted his Youtube travel channel to devote himself entirely to Saitama. In the early weeks his fans were furious, but when Saitama faced financial difficulties and became homeless, and Genos offered to take him in so they would make videos together, public opinion started to change… in a way… _hum_ … we will talk about this later!"

He turns back to his guests:

"As Youtube celebs yourselves, what do you think about Genos and Saitama's staggering success and sudden popularity?"

The two first buttons of Amai Mask's shirt are undone – no doubt it's intentional, to reveal just a glimpse of his chest's smooth skin. With an elegant hand gesture, he pushes his blue hair back from his arrogant face.

"I think this is a disgrace. Youtube is a sharing platform that has so much potential and should promote hard work, art and talent. Genos used to be a bright and promising video maker and I miss his old channel that had such high quality content. Since he started spending time with this Saitama, he's been infected by his mediocrity. And to think that I considered contacting him to offer him a role in one of my successful TV series!"

Dramatic sigh. Amai Mask feigns disappointment.

"What a waste."

Tatsumaki nods, her lower lip curled down making her look like a sulking brat.

"I'm not elitist like Amai Mask, I consider Youtube a place for everyone to express whatever they want. But what really annoys me about Genos and Saitama is not their videos, but Genos' aggressive reaction whenever someone mocks Saitama. Do you believe that psycho sent me a 10k words mail to tell me my videos about Baldy are offensive? It was so boring I couldn't read more than two lines! Chill out, I was just having a bit of fun!"

Amai Mask nods seriously as if the young girl just said something very wise.

"Those who can't handle some criticism should not upload videos on Youtube at all. And to be perfectly honest, I think Genos and Saitama's success is only due to one thing: for some reason their fans are under the impression that they have romantic feelings for each other, and they throw themselves at every new video like it's a new episode of their soap opera, hoping something will finally happen. That's what I call confusing fiction with reality. If you ask me, it's pathetic."

The presenter's grin widens even more, and there's jubilation in his beady eyes.

"I am glad you're bringing this up, Amai Mask, I was about to broach that topic! Indeed, in the last month we have seen many fan theories flourish about the nature of Genos and Saitama's relationship… and who else than Genos himself to talk about it? Ladies and gentlemen, let's welcome on the set our surprise guest: Genos!"

Thunder of applause and hysterical cries from the audience. Different cameras show Genos' entrance from all angles.

Amai Mask and Tatsumaki pull a long face when Genos sits at the table, glaring at them coldly enough to freeze an erupting volcano. The bright light on the set brings out his blond hair and clear green eyes. And the make up he's wearing enhance his ethereal beauty. No doubt all his fangirls are fainting in front of their screen now.

Once the audience stops applauding, the presenter turns toward Genos:

"Welcome on the set, it is an honor to have you here! Before we start, I am going to ask you two questions, because I'm sure everyone here is wondering: until today you've always refused to go on tv, so why did you accept this invitation today? Also Saitama and you have been joined at the hip for two months, so why isn't he with you now?"

The cold rage lurking behind Genos' calm is obvious. He doesn't seem intimidated by the cameras or the audience – he doesn't even spare them a glance.

"I had every intention to turn down the invitation. But when I heard that you would talk about Saitama-sensei and me, and that the guests you chose were Amai Mask and Tatsumaki, I knew that once again, there would be lies and slanders about Saitama. And I won't let anyone mock and insult my sensei ever again. If Saitama is not with me now, it's because I never told him about the invitation and I came here alone to defend his honor. There was no point in inflicting this on him."

"Hey, your Saitama is a grown-up, he can defend himself on his own!" Tatsumaki sneers at him.

Genos narrows his eyes and holds his head high proudly – almost arrogantly.

"Of course he can, better than anyone. He's been defending himself and everyone else for years on the Internet. But…"

His eyes dart angrily at the two Youtubers.

"You're not worthy of his precious time and superior mind."

The presenter pretends to laugh awkwardly, but it's quite obvious he's gloating and totally planned this clash to increase ratings.

"I see you opened hostilities! Genos, we were precisely talking about your fans' theories about the nature of your relationship with Saitama, it's all over social media. It seems like many of them believe that you two are in love with each other and should become an item soon, and others proclaim you are already secretly dating! Are you aware of this?"

Genos probably expected that question, he doesn't even bat an eyelid – however, if you're paying close attention, you'll notice that he's slightly blushing under his foundation.

"I am very active on Twitter and Facebook. So yes, I have… read those theories."

"It's not only on Twitter and Facebook! Have you checked the _#saigenos_ tag on Tumblr?"

Genos frowns, looking confused.

 _"_ _Saigenos_?"

"Don't tell me Pretty Boy doesn't even know about the fanarts…" Tatsumaki groans, rolling her eyes.

"What do you think?" the presenter asks the audience. "Shall we show him?"

The audience shouts « YESSS! » with one voice.

"What are you talking about?" Genos asks stiffly.

The presenter snaps his fingers, and on the giant screen behind him appears a pretty realistic drawing of Saitama and Genos in each other's arms, kissing eagerly.

Genos freezes, eyes growing wide.

"What the…"

He trails off, speechless as he stares at the intensity and passion shown in the drawing – it is a desperate and eager kiss, as if Genos had pushed Saitama against a wall in a fit of passion. Saitama's eyes are closed and you can see a glimpse of his tongue slipping into Genos' mouth, his hand grabbing the blond hair on the back of Genos' head to draw him closer.

"This is one of my favorites, but on Tumblr and DeviantArt there are tons of these « fanarts » that depict you and Saitama as a couple!"

No make up could ever hide Genos' red face when this drawing is replaced by another one. Because of Youtube's policy of censorship it's blurred out, but you can make out Saitama and Genos totally naked in a very suggestive position. Pornographic, even.

"There are hundreds of drawings like this one! And many « fanfictions » are more than explicit. I selected an excerpt particularly kinky…"

The presenter unfolds a piece of paper and clears his throat to read, but Genos curls his hands into fists on the table and snarls through his teeth: "I didn't agree to come here to be ridiculed. I came to talk about Saitama-sensei and tell the world how amazing he is."

The presenter puts his piece of paper down and sits back, crossing his legs.

"Very well, so let's talk about Saitama! We noticed you never answer when your fans ask what is the exact nature of your relationship. I would like you to give us a clear answer now, live on tv: is there anything romantic going on between Saitama and you?"

Genos lowers his head in silence, blond bangs veiling his eyes.

Amai Mask sighs elegantly.

"Pfff. Don't waste your breath, he will never answer. Don't you see this is part of a strategy to attract more viewers and go viral? As long as he lets this question unanswered, his fans will be excited and will keep watching every video on his Youtube channel hoping that something will finally happen. I am sure this was Saitama's idea to manipulate the fans and draw the LGBT community's attention to them."

Genos' embarrassment gives way to wrath. He looks up sharply and springs to his feet, banging his fist on the table:

"YOU'RE WRONG!"

"Tsk," Tatsumaki snorts. "Here we go, he's gonna defend the fugly baldy once again."

Fuming, Genos shoots daggers at the two Youtubers. He raises his voice until he's shouting at them:

"Listen, spoiled brat, shut up and get lost, Saitama is anything but ugly! Saitama is an exceptional being, the most incredible and amazing person I've ever met! He is the kindest man, and his wisdom is awe-inspiring! Saitama-sensei would never look down on anyone or say hurtful and humiliating things like you do! Unlike you, he doesn't need hair to be handsome and attractive!"

Offended, Amai Mask gapes at him like he's been slapped in the face.

The presenter chimes in, grinning like a cat that got the cream: "Oh, so you think he's attractive?"

"Saitama is a very handsome man!" Genos snaps. "Anyone who says otherwise are either blind or jealous."

"Listening to you, it really looks like you're in love! Stop avoiding the issue! Why don't you just admit it?"

"Because I know my feelings for Saitama are unrequited and I don't want to make him uncomfortable!"

Loud gasps from the audience cut Genos short, and he turns very pale as he looks around at the cameras as if he just remembered that he's being filmed. Knocking over his chair in his haste, he strides off the tv set without a word.

The presenter cocks an eyebrow.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I believe we just got an answer!"

* * *

 **oOo**

 **[Not from the author: Next chapter will be the last one for this fic. I already have _so many ideas_ , so it will probably be even longer than this one… You can suggest me your ideas too, and if it fits in my plan I might use them!]**


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